Food etiquette when hosting dinner

Wow op. You really do come across as thinking yourself superior in every way.

Poor little sahm, with no opportunities to make friends and apparently no intellectual resources either.

Maybe she invites you because she likes you and your dh? And it’s as simple as that? Maybe she is assuming, incorrectly, that you like them just for themselves too?

Maybe she doesn’t cook because she is fed up of cooking for her dc and fancies a night off.

An invitation is just that. You are not obligated to accept. Personally I’m delighted when anyone takes the trouble to invite and host me and I am there for their friendship not the meal.

It’s the height of bad manners to
accept hospitality and then complain about it, so I’m glad you have worked that out during the course of this thread.

Oh and the women all know each other and join the Friday night social thing. They just don't play badminton .

I would imagine it's because 2 of the wives are from the ' I always cook from scratch/ oh I just threw it together( 3 days planning, 1 days prep, 1 day cooking and doing presentation) " brigade so others feel obliged to / bullied into doing the same. Women judge other women . This thread is a prime example of that .

I can't imagine being offended because someone served me a frozen pizza.

You clearly don't like them so why bother?

This is where I think you are being rude, here you are saying she is basically lazy by not hosting a proper dinner party. I think you need to just cut this friendship as you clearly want different things.

I am with your friend and would love to be invited round to someone's house and have a relaxing evening of takeaway and chat. But I also have children so maybe this is the difference.

I don't think it would bother you if you actually liked her. I think you no longer like her, and I detect you may look down on her.
Me and DH are foodies. We go to town when we host. We also make a real effort when we're only cooking for us!
However, I also realise that a) not everyone can cook and b) a lot of people lack confidence in cooking.
One of my oldest friends invited me for dinner and cooked me beans on toast. I knew this was because she simply doesn't know how to cook. She was raised on freezer food/take aways and this is what she eats. I would never have expected anything more from her, to be honest. My other friend always orders Domino's when we go there. She told me she just has no confidence in her cooking and feels far too nervous to cook for us.
I don't judge these two friends. They're useless cooks! But our friendship isn't based on what food they give me. I really like them and value our friendships. Couldn't care less about getting beans on toast.

Eat before you go and just nibble on the pizza.

One day their kids will be old enough for them to leave for a few hours and you can have your turn to host.

I thought this. It's one thing to cook for family, I'd be much more nervouse cooking for friends.

This is a very good point actually! Glad you have seen this.

i suppose I wouldn’t mind a low effort cooking meal, but depending on who it is - I would be unhappy to go to someone else’s house then have to pay for takeaway that likely wouldn’t be what I would want to eat anyway.

If you do decide to go again, or if any other friends do this, I’d definitely suggest saying something about having had a big lunch or something and you will just come over for a drink.

YANBU.

Very low effort and lazy of them.

I wouldn’t be impressed either.

Maybe meals with friends that she doesn’t have to cook are a real treat for her.

What if it was home made pizza? With home made sauce cooked in a wood fired Ooni or similar? Would people still have issues as, let me tell you it is actually quite hard getting everything spot on..the simplicity is the challenge.

I digress as I'm taking the pee a bit but just wanted to make a point to the pizza haters......there's pizza....then there's pizza!

I cook simple but nice home made meals when I have friends over as I don't want to spend ages cooking. Once we had a takeout but that was because it was a new home cooked enterprise of someone doing Thai.

She sound like she is relaxed and comfortable in herself, not tying herself in knots trying to host the perfect dinner party. After being with the children all day, cooking endless meals for them, she probably just wants a night off with adult company and no stress.

If one of my friends did this. I’d honestly be so happy she was relaxed and care free around me and just wanted my company. It’s a bit different for you as you feel you’re at different life stages and the friendship is waning. I think the latter is really the issue, not the food.

But why don’t the men cook if it’s their club and them eating? I’m not from the UK, it’s line stepping back 50 yrs in time reading here.

If you think this is the moment to bow out of the friendship, then do that.

If not, invite them to yours, but just do something simple - curry, lasagne etc, as you mentioned.

If she says no, because of needing a babysitter, then say you wish to 'host' aka provide food, so you will bring it over to hers. If she refuses, then yes, that's the end of the friendship.

But what I can't get over is they invite you over - and then you have to pay for your own food?! Bonkers!

Maybe she's insecure about her cooking skills? We have ordered pizza at times because I get so stressed out not knowing if what I make will be to their taste. Always make a salad as entrée though so noone is forced to eat a whole pizza.

My husband was asked to join a badminton group for retired men. Apparently as well as playing badminton they would get together at a different members house each Friday for a meal. The meal was cooked by the relevant wife of the badminton player. One of the other wives warned me that it had started to become very competitive as to who could produce the most fabulous, three course, world cuisine extravaganza. Fuck that. I don't mind cooking but I'm not interested enough in food to allow it to occupy more if my day than it has to....and also, why can't the bloody men do it.

Then don't mention dinner. If she wants company then invite for drinks only and then class the shop bought pizza as nibbles.

Inviting someone for dinner means making an effort and cooking.

Perfect response.

She?

Disposable plates! How much time does that save?

Homemade lasagne is a lot of effort; pizza is low-effort – and delicious! She’s inviting you for your company, not for an episode of Come Dine With Me. Personally I’d find being a SAHM hard work, harder than working. I wouldn’t have the time, energy or inclination to make a lasagne on my days at home with DS. I’m much more likely to do so in the evening after work! Going round to hers makes financial sense; babysitters are expensive.

When you offer to bring food, she’s possibly interpreting it as “We’ll only come to your house if we like the food, because we don’t enjoy your company that much”. Do you enjoy your friendship and want to see her? Eat the damn pizza.