Food etiquette when hosting dinner

Paying for your own takeaway is very normal in my social circles - I've never once paid for anyone else's and they've never paid for mine. We all pay for what we order.

As for bringing your own food, personally I would find that a bit weird (allergies aside). Though maybe OP's friends just don't like her cooking, lol.

This. You need to be proactive in your answers to her. Keep refusing her invitations in general terms and don't answer if she tries to be specific by giving you dates.

She'll get that the friendship has run its course eventually.

But OP is expected to pay for her own food at their house! That’s really weird, why not just invite them round for a drink, then you can supply a few crisps and peanuts. OP would probably bring a bottle anyway….

Lots of virtue signalling on this thread about how everyone doesn’t care what they eat, values the conversation above the food, etc etc, ignoring that OP has offered TO BRING the food to ensure it’s edible. I don’t believe for a minute that they would all be perfectly content to pay for their own food, especially if they dislike it ( as most people would).

That's not remotely polite!

A polite way to get around the “name your date” invitation is to say something like, “thanks so much for lovely invitation but I am going to have to decline for the foreseeable future as much of my spare time is being eaten up by family, work and other social commitments, but dh and I wish you all the best”.

I think that is a fairly clear and polite way of saying you don’t wish to socialise with her further.

YABU - and very superior and ungrateful!

What mainly comes across though is that you don’t seem to like or respect your friend tbh, so probably best for their sake to call it a day.

Exactly this. If I were OP's friends, I'd be pretty hurt that she'd gone to all this effort to write a mean-spirited thread about my poor food and hosting skills.

I agree. Isn’t the evening more about catching up with friends than critiquing the food?

Exactly, I'm the same. I don't want to be pressured or bullied into eating something I know will make me feel awful just to please someone else. It's hurt me that they won't be a bit more understanding or mindful and as I said, I'm 100% willing, like you, to take my own food. I just don't get it. Well done on your weightloss. Ive done 5 stone in the last year, I'm not going to jeopardise that for an Aldi frozen pizza or a domino's that I won't even enjoy.

I’m too old to be insecure thanks 😄

You said they were different, yes, but you conveniently missed out the bit where you wrote,

“but I guess when you have kids you have fewer opportunities to socialise so you cling on to that old school friend and her husband because they’re better than nothing?”

which come across very much as if you think they are desperate for your friendship because they have no means or ability to meet other people? And that is quite a judgemental and condescending pov imho.

I’m past all of that now, but when I had school age dc, some of the most dynamic, sociable and interesting people I knew were sahms who led very interesting lives.

What mainly comes across though is that you don’t seem to like or respect your friend tbh, so probably best for their sake to call it a day.

Possibly they are shit cooks, live off processed food and are embarrassed. I know many people like this.

If you like them either suck it up or go for evening drinks and nibbles after you’ve had dinner at home.

"Thanks so much, Sarah. We've got a lot on at the moment so can't really commit. Hope you're all enjoying spring. Take care."

"That's kind of you but our schedules are fairly unpredictable these days with work and some ongoing family matters"

"Thanks for the invite but I am swamped at work & hours are less predictable these days."

Then taper off and don't respond to each text.

Just say you'd rather go out, or that it's your turn to host and they're welcome to bring the children?

Quality of food has very little correlation with class imho. Some of the worst food I have ever eaten has been served by very high born folk who I used to work for. Their hospitality was spot on though because they made me feel very welcome,

Personally I like to make a reasonable effort because I enjoy cooking but even then hosting dinner properly is a big effort and expensive nowadays, and my dc have left home.

But maybe this family offers frozen pizza because they are challenged in the budget department or are simply not interested in food. Or their house or kitchen is not set up for elaborate cooking . Once an invitation has been accepted; it’s up to us to be appreciative if you ask me!

I didn't say it was

But I just can't imagine getting offended by a frozen pizza - I go to my friends to socialise with them, not to worry about the aesthetic and ambience

@biscuitsandbooks

Some people enjoy higher level aesthetics, ambience and food. It's not morally superior to have low standards.

she’s the one constantly asking to meet up

It seems your wants from the friendship differ greatly. You'd do them a service stepping away, they seem to emphasise the time and company whereas you put more emphasis on the quality of the food.

Ah we cant make it, we are out that weekend.

Oh no we have plans that Saturday.

oh no Bob's working that evening. Next time, for sure...

You've many ways to side step out of the invite aside from agreeing to go to their house if it no longer brings you what you want from the relationship.

I don't give two hoots what I'm served when I visit friends - I'm there to socialise and spend time with them. The food is very much secondary to that.

Personally I enjoy time with friends where it is low effort. You do come across as having high expectations and sounds like you should stick to 'other people' who put on a show. And as others have said, if you liked the friend none of this would really matter.

I think offering decent hospitality demands some effort. Treating adult guests to the type of food a teenager might make for an afternoon snack is pretty lazy and low class.

You're focusing on the food because you don't like them - if they were proper friends, you wouldn't care what they served you.

Women judge other women . This thread is a prime example of that

I know. Notice how nobody is judging the DH for not cooking a slap up meal for the guests?