To side with my DH

I agree 100%. Has this little brat really got to the age of 5 and his parents have never said no to him? Of course he should do as he's told when he's in your house and if he doesn't then his parents need to accept that you will discipline him as you see fit when he's in your care.

They sound like absolute simpletons tbh. If I’d never said no to mine they’d have probably died multiple ways. And my house would probably have collapsed too.

That aside, my house, my rules. My nephew once smashed up stuff in my house and was a rude little twit. His parents would not back me up and I haven’t looked after him since. They’ve come over since but they weren’t allowed to leave him, they had to deal with every single time he misbehaved.

I mean this isn't a serious question is it?

Do you think that your brother & SIL will never speak to you again/turn family members against you?

My house my rules.. and this will apply when he gets asked for play dates … he will be the child that is only ever asked once because no one wants their house trashed. Your brother is setting his child up for a really steep learning curve when other people do say no… basically expecting other people to parent his child because he hates upsetting his child.

Falling out sounds like a win, you won't have a brat trashing your house again.

Dear God. I feel sorry for your nephew's teachers.

Just wish them the best of luck with their parenting strategy, they are going to need it.

Generally I keep my distance from the children of parents who cannot say “no”.

They are always little shits.

Where are these parents getting their advice?! Good on you and DH for having backbones. I can’t stand parents like this. Don’t they think about what type of adult they’re creating? Don’t they at least want people to like their child and not dread seeing them?

There is a lot of middle ground and effective behaviour management between darling don’t do that and shouting. The kid needed to blow off steam.

I have no qualms saying no as a teacher and mother, but I can see I’m in the minority of posters here as I will only resort to shouting as a very last resort in urgency and I would certainly not be proud of reducing any child to tears by shouting at them.

It's bonkers that you're asking if you're being unreasonable.

Don’t tell him ‘no’? That’s bonkers.

YANBU in the slightest.

YANBU at all. He doesn't get told no at home? Didn't you know this before? Your B and SIL are daft.

Why were you okayish with him throwing food around the room? I'd throw the little shit out of the window and his parents can pay for my sofa and carpet to be cleaned.

Don't apologise.

It's going to be the bizarre situation where the only place the little bugger behaves himself is at your house.

They can get used to hearing no to free childcare offers.

That was rather rude of you, to be fair

Did they explain why they don't say no? It would be pretty unusual to never say no to a small child. I wonder if he's quite explosive so distraction and giving alternatives diffuses the situation rather than a clear no which just escalates it. You say he was still upset a while later, this indicates maybe this is the case. Just trying to understand where your brother and SIL are coming from. Rather than assuming they are weak rubbish parents.

Don’t be daft, it was completely necessary. He’d been totally ignoring requests up until her DH shouted ‘oi’. What were they supposed to do? Carry on with the ‘Darling, please don’t do that’ until he ran out of energy? He needed a short, sharp shock to understand that his behaviour was unacceptable and he got one.

When he’s older, it might occur to him that his parents were bloody negligent, did him no favours at all and that his aunt and uncle were one of the few people willing to teach him how to behave. Hopefully that will happen before he’s sat in a cell.

I bet he gets told no at school. How does the poor thing cope?

Not quite sure why you hadn't said it earlier to be honest. Your DH was absolutely in the right.

Kid had ignored all instructions given calmly all day long. At this point it was necessary and frankly reasonable.

5! I thought you were gonna say 2! Blimey! Nope don’t apologise, and don’t babysit again. Congratulations db and sil, you have no childcare and very soon your kid will have no friends and it will be your fault

Of course he can be told no but sounds like your dh scared him which wasn’t necessary.

I don't think I often said no to my kids when they were little - but not as an intentional thing, just because it seemed better to give them specific instructions on what to do, rather than just a mystery single syllable word.

Eg. - Jumping on the settee: Stop jumping on the settee, settees are for sitting on. Throwing food: HEY! <moved plate away from them> we don't throw food - go and pick that up.

Permissive parenting is the issue - kids still need to learn to behave properly!

And your husband was not being unreasonable to yell 'OI!' when he saw this madness going on - the kid needed a short, sharp, shock to get himself under control (and so do the adults in his life!)