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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think mumsnet it’s not a place to find help anymore.

64 replies

Firefightermum · 01/03/2025 17:51

I believe mumsnet has had its place from line eyes threads to people being able to recognise and notice abuse they are in and I think the idea of it and the main principles of it are a fantastic resource for people who need the support system.
however so many people have taken over as a way to belittle or put down other posters rather then just offer a handhold or some advice or support in which they are offering. It’s okay and healthy even to be told a opinion which differes from the origianl post (I’m sure this may get one or two) however people are just mean spirited and downright nasty on some threads especially where people seem to be asking for advice.

I saw a women who’s post was all around domestic abuse and the comments literally said “I bet you have a council house” followed by “with a dog and crushed grey velvet” when the whole post was on how to stop feeling guilty for leaving the relationship as well as teplied saying your partner sounds awful when the post was all about OP leaving the relationship.

then another post I saw had a women asking for breakfast without her husband and a response like “two people that don’t love eachother shush living together how sad”- how would you know that from a post about breakfast.

I also saw a post on a mum asking for support with an abortion with a new partner with so many replies saying how stupid and idiot she had been and not educated rather then word in away to get contraception next time to prevent it again hope you recover.

im not saying mumsnet is bad but it’s not a place to go if you genuinely need support as the replies can be so mean spirited especially at the moment

OP posts:
Jade520 · 01/03/2025 19:05

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Karen is a misogynistic term used to shut women up, Having the rarely used term Kevin makes no difference to that fact. I'm sorry you didn't know that.

AIBU is a bear pit OP, always has been and always will be I expect. There are gentler places to post here though.

arcticpandas · 01/03/2025 19:03

I still think the percentage of kind people is largely outweighing the nasty ones. Which is why I keep coming back:)

mummysmagicmedicine · 01/03/2025 19:01

100% agree. People are nasty on here and it does worry me, even though not everyone on here has children, that these people are raising kids. We teach our kids if you’re ever in trouble look for another mum, with the idea of mums being kind and nurturing people but half the people I see on here I wouldn’t want anywhere near my kids!

potatopaws · 01/03/2025 19:00

I think this is a problem with AIBU mainly. I find other boards more supportive. People come to AIBU to challenge / to be challenged, it’s not the best place to ask for support.

SwanOfThoseThings · 01/03/2025 18:59

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Sprocker - welcome to Mumsnet. A warning that the insult 'Karen' (rightly) is not popular here - hoping not to derail the thread with a debate around its origins and intent, so I will say that, although it might have had valid origins relating to racism in the USA, many believe it now to be a misogynistic insult with the sole purpose of silencing women's voices, particularly the voices of middle-aged and older women who are seen as no longer of sexual worth and therefore not allowed to stand up for themselves or have an opinion.

Sprocker6 · 01/03/2025 18:58

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Sprocker6 · 01/03/2025 18:57

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Firefightermum · 01/03/2025 18:53

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This is actually a sexist term! Although I agree that it is full of women who have nothing better to do then put people down and act like the sun shines out their asses. It did never used to be as bad j remeber coming on here after I was in a mother baby baby unit for psychosis and it was very helpful and informative. I would not want to read what some of the commnets on those topics could say now.

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ShamrockShenanigans · 01/03/2025 18:53

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@Sprocker6, hopefully you'll learn a bit about misogyny on Mumsnet and how to teach your children to not use such misogynistic phrases.

5128gap · 01/03/2025 18:53

Firefightermum · 01/03/2025 18:01

People can judge, I'm a judgemental person myself (would love to work on it) and I do think o sometimes but the women was genuinely just asking for support on her abortion it was a new relationship and she already had a child there was nothing else. The domestic violance was someone saying they had left and felt guilty they explained the abuse in detail but it didn't need the comments on " daily mail couple""Defo grey velvet sofa " "maybe a few frenchies" when the women was asking if she'd done the right thing even if you saw it and judged due to the nature of post surely you'd read and run rather then put down. As a volunteer at a women's. Charity we often suggest mumsnet for women who are completely alone and so reading it worries me as I'd hate a women in my caseload to have recieved those responses when I had adviced her to ask the question.

You really shouldn't be signposting your clients to MN OP. While some of the advice is excellent, it's just ordinary people, nothing is verified. If you are doing casework for vulnerable women and they have questions outside the expertise of your charity you need to be referring them to approved sources of specialist advice.

Firefightermum · 01/03/2025 18:50

ThePoshUns · 01/03/2025 18:46

Oh give over with the Karen shit.

I think I might have quoted you wrong sorry!!

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Firefightermum · 01/03/2025 18:49

ThePoshUns · 01/03/2025 18:46

Oh give over with the Karen shit.

This is sexiest

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ThePoshUns · 01/03/2025 18:46

Oh give over with the Karen shit.

Sprocker6 · 01/03/2025 18:45

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Firefightermum · 01/03/2025 18:17

It actually got suggested to me when I was under the perinatal mental health team years ago too often alongside Facebook groups, it's not suggested as mumsnet however online forums are.

What do you do when your alone with a question you type it in Google and read answers? It's not that strange. We have a Facebook and WhatsApp group which I would hope came first but if someone had a question even about a pushchair or space saving cots, or something mumsnet can be a great resource and it's used a lot for our new mums in that context and mayn't will then scroll? We always advice reaching out for support? I'm surprised that so surprising!

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Yellowink · 01/03/2025 18:13

But you won’t now presumably

Yellowink · 01/03/2025 18:12

Firefightermum · 01/03/2025 18:11

If a young mum is alone with mental health we would suggest helplines, online forums, websites and local groups to attend? It's not that strange?

It is strange to suggest mumsnet
yes

Firefightermum · 01/03/2025 18:11

Yellowink · 01/03/2025 18:07

It is very disturbing to me that you volunteer for a woman’s charity and you suggest women go to mumsnet if they’re alone

If a young mum is alone with mental health we would suggest helplines, online forums, websites and local groups to attend? It's not that strange?

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Yellowink · 01/03/2025 18:11

I'd hate a women in my caseload to have recieved those responses when I had adviced her to ask the question.

good lord

NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 01/03/2025 18:10

It used to be straight talking on here which was great.

The last few years it is veering into plain nasty. I see a change in most areas of the internet now though so it's not just an MN thing.

Yellowink · 01/03/2025 18:09

Firefightermum · 01/03/2025 18:08

We do online forums as well as help centres and Facebook groups. Some women who flee domestic violance have to move miles and have nowhere to turn reading a story similar can make someone feel less alone especially in situations like housing and having to move or pregnancy as a women completely alone.

Well given that you now think, presumably you’ll stop suggesting very vulnerable and alone women use mumsnet?

SouthernTip · 01/03/2025 18:08

Responses are often awful.

I think it must be a way of taking out the frustrations in their own lives on someone else.

Keyboard bullies.

Firefightermum · 01/03/2025 18:08

Yellowink · 01/03/2025 18:03

Charity we often suggest mumsnet for women who are completely alone

What. The. Fuck.

We do online forums as well as help centres and Facebook groups. Some women who flee domestic violance have to move miles and have nowhere to turn reading a story similar can make someone feel less alone especially in situations like housing and having to move or pregnancy as a women completely alone.

OP posts:
Yellowink · 01/03/2025 18:07

It is very disturbing to me that you volunteer for a woman’s charity and you suggest women go to mumsnet if they’re alone

gamerchick · 01/03/2025 18:07

Coffeelotsofcoffee · 01/03/2025 18:04

There was a post with a woman asking for help regarding her autistic son with challenging behaviour . People STILL found a way to demonise her.
It's awful.

a total breeding ground for female incels

You think most of them are women? Theres a lot more men on here than you think.