34, when would you start TTC?

Well that’s a different thing entirely. At your age 7 months is plenty of time to talk about your future together.

Talk about timelines, plans, views on marriage and raising children, religion etc. all the big ones. Find the insurmountable stuff before you make big plans.

I was friends with DH before we started dating so a bit different but I told him on our first proper date that I wanted children and wouldn’t have them without being married.

I was single in my early thirties. Met my now husband when I was 32, we moved in together when I was 33, had a baby when I was 34, got engaged at 35 and married at 36, hoping to have a second baby when I'm 37! I think you can work quickly when you're in your thirties and use all your past relationship experience to not waste time with people who aren't right for you.

I knew my DH at work before we got together. I felt like I was at the age I'd seen enough guys and I recognised the right one. I don't think I could have scared him off by talking about future. I knew from early on he was a good guy who wanted house, kids, marriage and was into me.

1st date was just before I turned 36, bought a house after 8m and started trying for a baby after 14m. We got pregnant straight away for both kids and married when I was pregnant with the 2nd. (We've been together 6.5y now, married 3y.)

@Planejane34 if it’s right, it’s easy. No one is scared off, no one gets cold feet or feels things are moving too fast as everything is just as it should be. You can over think these things…maybe it’s due to your past history? For me, I had mine at 30 and 33. Nearer 30 is better for energy imho. This is personal. I’d not leave it too late if this is definitely the guy you went to be with. MN can’t help you with that bit!! Good luck

Could you look into getting a fertility check? Lots of women do have issues having children despite what everyone likes to think. And yes I think you are being realistic as we know some men like to say about having children and it never happens. You don't want to waste your fertile years. But stability is important as well.

Have you even talked bout how he feels about starting a family? Does he want children, how many, what kind of parenting will you do. How will you split money on mat leave, state or private school. These questions all come first.

If moving in together and getting married isn’t a mutual desire and something you haven’t discussed at length with all the emotional and financial connotations, then definitely don’t even think of ttc!! You’ve got plenty of time, enjoy the honeymoon period, get to know each other for at least a year, have lots of fun, then start thinking about it. You have time. Don’t rush in to anything, just look at the posts on here where people have!!

As long as you enjoy the coming years together then you wont be wasting them. Just enjoy your time together, see how it goes.

So why is the thought of having a baby a serious consideration in your mind at the moment? Sounds like you need to feel more secure and stable with this guy first.

Your worried how he will react if you ask him to move in? How do you think he will react if you say you want to try for a baby. 7 months is way too soon, it's still honeymoon period. Your 34 not 44.

Why are you asking about TTC when you're worried about scaring him off talking about moving in!? Bonkers.

I would add to that, having children is a real test on relationships and also connects you to the other person for life. I don’t think 7 months is long enough to know for sure that a person is right for you.

I wouldn't even have the conversation until you've been together 2 years. You're still young, you've got time.

I waited to be married before ttc but I was 29 when I met DH so a bit younger. In your shoes I would at least want to be engaged and living together. But I would be wary of getting married if I owned a house and he didn’t. Are you financially much better off than him?

It's crazy to have a baby with someone you're not married to. When they leave you have no financial protection. Considering having a baby with someone when you won't live with them without a ring, plus too scared to suggest living together, is all kinds of stupidity.

Don't have a child with someone who isn't 100% on board and committed to you. It's a complete nightmare. You are basically stuck with them forever once you have a child, even if you split up.

If I had my time again I would want strong evidence of commitment such as buying a house together and a date set for a wedding. Plus being generally on the same page. It doesn't sound like this is the case here.

Why does he live with his dad at 34?

But you’d consider TTC?

I'd live together before TTC. You see a different side to a person.

Have you talked about it at all?

I would also suggest you both have a fertility MOT.

In your shoes I'd freeze some eggs.

Marriage for protection, before a baby.