34, when would you start TTC?

I mean I’m 34 and I’ve been TTC for 3 years (actively trying for 18 months but no birth control for 3) so I’m probably a bit biased in saying if you want children - don’t wait! But please make sure this is a man you definitely want to be tied to forever and that you want as a father to your child!

You’ve been together long enough to know if it’s right or not. My view is - when you know you know….. If it’s not right, it’s time to move on. I think you need to have an open conversation with him about what you both want. Time is not on your side.

I couldn't conceive a viable pregnancy from age 35 so you may not have a few years if you are like me.

Up to you whether you feel you can co-parent with your current boyfriend, or if having a child is a priority and you want to go it alone, or you want to wait and see. But you shouldn't bank on having time and options. Personally at your age I think I would be considering using a donor, or otherwise having some very frank discussions with the boyfriend re having a child now.

I’m 34 - and have a baby now. I fell pregnant easily at 33, but I did feel worried about whether it would happen.

If I were in your shoes I would do some personal fertility testing (and maybe ask partner to too) to try and understand better what my timeline should be. Appreciate it wouldn’t be a guarantee though.

in order to consider TTC I would need to

• Live together a minimum of 6 months
• Have the ‘big’ conversations - expectations around finances, child rearing, etc.
• Ideally married - okay with this being an elopement and if not some sort of financial agreement in place.
• Fine to have baby in 1 bed - someways it’s actually easier - but plan to move to a larger place by time baby would be 2 years old latest

I know quite a few couples who have got pregnant having been together less than a year, the main difference between the ones whose relationships have struggled and succeeded is having had and agreed on all the ‘big’ conversations beforehand.

I think that you need to live together before you make the decision. My husband and I moved in together after only four months (due to lockdown), and I think it showed me there's no need to wait a really long time before living together. Potentially live together for a year then TTC?

If it feels too early it's too early. Listen to your gut instincts. 7 months is nothing in relationship terms and you're tied to whoever you have children with forever. Not a decision to roll the dice on.

And then you saddle children with a shitty father and a whole childhood of crap - sit weekends, indifferent fathers at best and stressed mothers.

I am afraid I definitely judge. Lowering standards is not the answer.

Of course we should - they've chosen to put their own desires above the wellbeing of their children.

Now is too soon, but on the flip side, saying 'i have a few years' is a bit blasé about the fact that your chances of conceiving will be dropping.

Mumsnet tends to be biased towards woman who did succeed to concieve (for obvious reasons), but around 1/3 of 37 year olds will struggle to concieve.

I would be wanting to start trying in about 18 months, but you would need to get a lot of things in order before then.

You've only been together 7 months, you're still relative strangers to each other. You haven't fully tested the relationship yet so absolutely do not have children until you're at least 2 yrs in. Also, do not have children before you get married as you only need to read the threads on here about what happens when it goes pear shaped.

Remember if you have a child, you're stuck with that person for life whether you're together or not. Your shared child binds you together even after the relationship breaks down. Be vary careful about who you choose to be the father of your child, do you share similar values etc.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

Yeah, I mean, if you're single in your mid-30s (as i am), you absolutely have to be prepared for this outcome. I think I would be okay with it, but some women are desperate to become mothers therefore some lowering of standards may be needed. We shouldn't judge those in this situation.

If we wait around for the perfect baby daddy, we may miss the boat.

They maybe you miss the boat.

Women are their own worst enemy.

Or how about thinking about how the baby deserves a decent father and parents who love and respect each other and want to be together properly.

ASAP, I think 34 is quite late to start especially if you want 3-4

10 years ago.

It is not too soon to ask him whether he sees himself getting married and/or having children.

It is not too soon to understand your own fertility.

OP, I know EXACTLY how you feel. As I've reached my mid-30s I have hugely softened on the relationship 'rules' I had for myself, such as dating for a year before living together, waiting at least 2 years before TTC, making sure we're at least equally financially secure, etc.

These days I can totally see myself getting pregnant with someone I don't know that well provided he ticks a few key boxes and i LIKE him, if I decide to go down the baby route (still on the fence, but that's another story....).

If we wait around for the perfect baby daddy, we may miss the boat.

DH and I had that conversation at about 3 months. We didn't have time to waste if we wanted more (2 each already).

That's a conversation for now. Later is too late at 34.

There are 2 separate issues. Is your biological clock ticking? Yes.

Are you in a stable, committed relationship and ready to start a family? No.

Your age would not be enough to convince me if it were me.

@CandyCane457 if you want to be married then get married now. If you wait until after the baby then the chances are it won't happen. There's also something else to spend the money on. Register office, nice lunch, done.

It’s so hard when you get to this sort of age isn’t it. I’ve been with my boyfriend two and a half years, I’m 35 and four months pregnant. It is a very wanted baby and we are so excited BUT there is a tiny part of me that feels wistful that me and my boyfriend didn’t have that long together just as a two. I feel there’s a lot of things (mainly holidays and travelling!) that we would’ve liked to do as a two. And get married! I know we can still do these things after the baby is born but it will be very different. I have zero regrets though and can’t wait to be a mum 😊 timing is just hard when you get to this age isn’t it!

Have you actually discussed TTC with him?