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Original poster

See many faults in others

36 replies

Blackleatherhandbags · 01/03/2025 15:42

I have this vice that always seems to have been there, I can early on and without really any effort see the weaknesses in others, even those they try to hide. By that I mean the things that cause them to behave not at their best.

It is making life hard for me because I have not been able to keep friends, I am quite sensitive and easily upset and find it easier to isolate away from others for my own emotional safety.

Is this something I need to do something about. It seems to be quite ingrained in my personality.

OP posts:
Huckleberries · 01/03/2025 16:07

Blackleatherhandbags · 01/03/2025 16:02

In terms of their character not anything to do with how they dress or anything like that.

Show quote history

Totally missed my point but let's try again

Okay, so what is a character flaw, in your book?

do you think everyone else keeps friendships because they can't see any flaws?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 01/03/2025 16:04

I line manage someone like this. He is very quick to find fault in others but rarely sees the weaknesses in himself that are so obvious to everyone else.

I see people's faults too, but I also see their strengths, and I choose to focus on them as far as possible. Not least because I know that I have weaknesses of my own, and I recognise that nobody is ever going to be perfect.

If you're losing friends or isolating yourself because of your tendency to focus in on other people's flaws, then I would say that the problem is primarily with you and not with the people around you.

Original poster
Blackleatherhandbags · 01/03/2025 16:02

Huckleberries · 01/03/2025 15:55

@Blackleatherhandbags "By that I mean the things that cause them to behave not at their best."

Please could you give us an example?

I will say, though, I'm not sure how much of a close friendship you can form if you want everybody at their best all the time. I am not going to constantly act as if I am on the red carpet.

Edited

In terms of their character not anything to do with how they dress or anything like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blackleatherhandbags · 01/03/2025 16:02

LightCameraBitchSmile · 01/03/2025 15:46

Why does you being able to understand people's weaknesses mean you can't keep friends? Do you then point out these weaknesses?

I quietly remove myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blackleatherhandbags · 01/03/2025 16:01

Redpeach · 01/03/2025 15:59

Well hopefully your special talent means you can see your own

I’m very hard on myself.

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 01/03/2025 15:59

Do you see your own faults and weaknesses as easily? Or do you believe yourself to be perfect? Because from your post you rather sound like you’ve may have a superiority complex, which is likely to prevent people wanting to be your friend.

Redpeach · 01/03/2025 15:59

Well hopefully your special talent means you can see your own

Dotjones · 01/03/2025 15:56

Well your weakness is that you can't see past other peoples'. What do you believe, only people without any character flaws should have friends? I mean you're not being hypocritical because you don't maintain them either, but it's a very high standard to hold people to.

Huckleberries · 01/03/2025 15:55

@Blackleatherhandbags "By that I mean the things that cause them to behave not at their best."

Please could you give us an example?

I will say, though, I'm not sure how much of a close friendship you can form if you want everybody at their best all the time. I am not going to constantly act as if I am on the red carpet.

JLou08 · 01/03/2025 15:53

I'm the opposite and always see the good in people, which isn't always great as it made me very naive. It helps me to think about their behaviour and the evidence that shows them as the person they are. Could you try looking at their behaviour to find their strengths as well as their faults to form a more balanced view of them.

LightCameraBitchSmile · 01/03/2025 15:46

Why does you being able to understand people's weaknesses mean you can't keep friends? Do you then point out these weaknesses?