Taking dd(11)'s friend on holiday

But it can be undone? What does that teach her about boundaries and personal choice and space?

When she’s in her twenties and a friend or partner makes her feel pushed into a situation? Should she go along with it because it can’t be easily undone?

People cancel weddings, holidays, house moves, all sorts of things, with their friends or partners. This is just a UK break, not even any flights, easy peasy. Sometimes difficult conversations and letting people down are important lessons. We don’t always need to people please.

I think you have to take her if it was already agreed and I'd be explaining to my DD that once that sort of commitment (going on holiday with someone) is made it can't always be easily undone. Then I'd keep a very close eye on them during the holiday.
But you might find when it's just the two of them that they actually get on fine.

We took ds's mate abroad... Sent them both back on a flight after week 1....
Think they were 14 /15...

That's very awkward. I'd maybe try getting them together beforehand so you know if it's got the potential to work or not. Hopefully it does and then you don't have to worry about it and can pass it off as pre teen drama like you say and if it doesn't, then you can go back to the parents and tell them that it's just not going to work.

I think it's a bit shit to cancel when you've promised to take their DD away, honestly.

You’re not a childminder and this isn’t childcare. It’s an arrangement/ invitation based on two people getting on.

If it was two adults they wouldn’t be expected to go on holiday and it’s the same for two children.

Maybe ask DD one more time but I’d say it’s up to her if she wants this to happen or not. It’s her family and her personal holiday time.

I made my dd take her friend after all she invited her. So I felt harsh to revoke. They got on fine.
Other parents had offered to take my dd somewhere too as a pay back. Dates finalised. They fell out again and I heard they took another girl. Didn't even get a sorry text. Just radio silence.

So I would do what works for you. Everyone else does.

Unless the girl has been particularly horrible? What actually happened when they fell out?

It’s very unfortunate all round. Are they in y6? I think they’re being a bit cheeky to insist you take. It’s unfortunate but I wouldn’t want my dd going away if there was potential for falling out. Some people just can’t sit to get rid of their own kids. The trouble is if you refuse there could be falling out at school over it when things have just settled. It’s only four nights. I think I would be inclined to go ahead with it and tell dd that once you invite someone uninviting is not really the done thing,

You're putting them in a really awkward place if they have made other plans, possibly that will involving them losing money if they have to cancel. However what I would do, depends on what actually happened and what your daughter wants for their long term friendship

If you think their daughter has behaved horribly and their friendship is effectively over, then I'd uninvite but be prepared for a fall out

Otherwise I'd be doing more to try and make sure the girls are getting on before then, encouraging them to spend some 1 on 1 time together etc. As uninviting from a holiday will probably end their friendship for ever

'No, really sorry that it's inconvenient for you, but we're not able to take your DD with us. I am glad the girls are rubbing along better but they are not good friends anymore and it's not an option for us to take your dd'

No experience and interested in what others think, but I think if you have agreed to take the child and family has made plans you have to honour your original agreement. As you say things have settled with the girls so it’s not as if they are not friends atm.

Just reinforce your invitation has been revoked!! Managing 2 pre teens wouldn't be a holiday.. More an endurance test at your expense...