Woken up by adult kids AGAIN.... AIBU

It really is a thankless task, sometimes, isn't it!

I'm glad he apologised. He needs to find work - it's no good him thinking he doesn't have to do anything except sleep all day. And she needs to attend lectures and do some studying, too, otherwise she'll leave uni with a degree she can't use.

Let's hope he stays out for the rest of the weekend, OP. Do you have friends you can see tonight?

I just hope he's not just saying what you want to hear, time will tell. Here's to a good nights sleep for you tonight @rubberduck68

Amazing job @rubberduck68 👏🏽 Proud of you. Please do not let him deviate from these boundaries even by 1mm.

Hmmm. Well, he's said the "right things" and you know better than any of us how likely he is to stick to them.

I'd still do a bit more to reduce his comfort in Mummy's home. Encourage him to grow the hell up.

Change the password on your wifi, immediately. He doesn't get to use it any more. He can go to GF's flat to use hers or, if he needs it for job applications, go use the free ones in cafes and libraries.

He's forced you to work through your tiredness multiple times yet he's whining about not sleeping when he's not working, so his empathy is seriously lacking. He's not the only person in the world who matters and frankly, taking a massive dump on the person who feeds you and puts a roof over your head is seriously stupid.

No overnight guests in your home unless you invite them yourself. He has forfeited that perk. He wants a special night with his gal, he goes to her place.

I wonder if someone showed him or his GF this thread!

Welll done OP. Good result

If he is struggling with sleeping he really needs to adopt a 'normal' and consistent pattern of sleep

Good for you for sticking up for yourself OP.

To be fair to your son, it sounds a bit like he is stuck between you and his demanding girlfriend, but that is his problem to solve not yours.

Well done Op, you seem to have resolved things nicely. Now you have to stick to your guns and not allow a gradual backsliding. I have a feeling that things may not be as rosy at his Dads as he thinks it will be, if your DS wants to come back it's best for rules to be in place.

Oh wow!!!!

You ,SMASHED it.

Well done.

Go you @rubberduck68 💪💪💪💪💪

So the poor little Snowflake is tired Too tired to have a conversation about his shit behavior?
He slams the door in your face then slopes off to do an errand for Princess.. tell him You are tired, too tired to talk & lock him out.
Let that sink in.
Tell him She's is not invited again over night, both of them are royally taking the piss.
Neither of them are paying, you have to work & they are fucking up your sleep.
There is NO discussion, its not about liking her, or disliking her, Its about been taken for a Fool & made unhappy in your own home.

If your son wants to live in your house and have his girlfriend stay over then he has to abide by your rules (and not coming in at 2/3am because it wakes you/your dog is not an unreasonable rule). Ultimatum time - stick to the rules or find somewhere else to live, or at the very least - gf is not allowed to stay over.

Those are reasonable rules, however it sounds as if things have gone beyond this now. The OP has already tried in vain to get them to respect ground rules, I think they have had their chance.

And the disgusting level of disrespect shown her by her son today - in her own home!! - means that a line has probably been crossed now.

I was wondering this too. Your ex, father of your son?

I would be changing the locks and evicting your son. I would not be letting him back in AT ALL, he could text me a list of what clothes from his room he wanted me to pack for him and leave outside the door. As you say, at 6'3" you'd be unable to physically remove him from your house.

He can go live with his snotty entitled girlfriend - after all, it's only a 15-minute walk away.

So, how are you going to go about changing the locks? Call a locksmith in, or the DIY changing the barrel route?

She absolutely would not be calling meetings at my fucking table to get me to justify myself. Cheeky cow.
I don't think you have any choice but to tell them neither are welcome. He has absutely no respect for you.

The GF has a key????

Jesus. No one has a key to my house, even my beloved SO and sister.

You need to draw some really solid boundaries, OP.

Stop coddling your son. What's he doing for spending money, if he's been unemployed so long?

He’s gone out, she’s not there. Do you have her number? If so, I suggest a group text explaining that as your son is refusing to talk you’ve had to resort to texting. Then lay out the ground rules. That way it’s there is black and white. No room for confusion.

No coming home after x time
Max amount of sleepovers is x
No nocturnal cooking
Kitchen always left as it was found.
No further discussions or being remonstrated with in your own home

This.

@rubberduck68 I wonder if there’s been emotional abuse in your past, because some of the things you describe your son doing to you sound quite abusive to me. But this is your home and you can choose who gets to live there. If he argues you can just bag his stuff into black sacks and leave it outside next time he goes out. And change the locks.

I am disgusted with their behaviour on your behalf.
I do not think you should be "scared of losing him" after this amount of disrespect he should be concerned he is going to lose his easy lifestyle living with you.

1. People coming around after 11pm stops now 1st March onwards
2. No cooking in the kitchen in the early hours at all
3. If his GF is working at the nightclub she goes to her home after- he can see her there.
4. No more meetings to patronize you about your behaviour in your own house.
5. If he slams a door in your face again he packs and moves out next day
6. Any slippage on any of this and he goes to live with his dad early.

Change the locks. Email him his eviction notice. He can go live with his dad now, he doesn't have any reason not to - he doesn't have a job. He's disrespectful and the girlfriend would be no longer welcome until he leaves. All these posters so scared of losing an arrogant selfish man in their lives would be yelling LTB if this was a partner treating you with such disrespect.

Changing the locks is extreme but why are you having a conversation about this? He doesn't pay for the house, they are causing you problems with your WFH, his gf is a CF. Stand up for yourself @rubberduck68. She stops staying over. He can go to her. No more negotiation. Just no more.

This is a good text to send.

You need to take control.

The idea that some upstart twit would sit me down and critique me in my own house, where she is a freaking guest, is just unreal!!!

Who the fuck do they think they are?!

Message him saying 'If you don't come back by ... to discuss the situation, then I will be changing the locks'.

He’s a lost little boy pretending to be man of the house except it’s his mum’s house and he’s turning into a bit of a scrounger. A
He can’t move to his dad’s without his sister ?
He needs his user gf so much that he sleeps all day and acts like her taxi all night, keeping whatever hours she decides to keep.
How will he ever get another job if he sleeps all day?

It’s a very unhealthy lifestyle for him OP. It seems he’s at the mercy of his gf and, to appease her, expects you to be at her mercy too.

He probably does know what that he’s massively overstepping but he’s desperate to hang on to her, feeling he would have no purpose at all without her.

If he won’t sit down to talk with you, and you have tried several times today, then yes, send him a message…..
The bottom line is that the lack of sleep and disruption is making you ill and affecting your work.
You have given warnings and have been met with disregard and disrespect which is upsetting. And confusing, as you know they are better than that.
You love your son dearly and you have really wanted to be generous and kind to them both but you need to remind them both that it’s your house and they do have other options if they don’t agree with you.
So now, for the sake of your health and for the sake of your relationships with them both, there have to be changes before any further deterioration.
Then list the new house rules very firmly along with the consequences if they aren’t met.

Be clear, keep it simple, mean what you say and …Good Luck !

OP there is a massive amount of disrespect to you going on here. No wonder you are not feeling great.

I would let your DS know that for the moment his GF is not welcome in your house. When your DS starts living by your house rules - don't go to bed without tidying the kitchen, don't wake others up between 11pm to 7am (or whatever hours you usually sleep at), share in household chores, be polite and respectful at all times, then you can discuss the return of the GF. If he doesn't agree with your rules then he can move out.

The GF does not get to boss you around or be disrespectful towards you.

I would just say 'don't attempt to return to my house until you have initiated a conversation with me about how and whether you can continue to live here'. He's a cheeky fucker. Was his dad arrogant, selfish and entitled?