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AIBU?

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Woken up by adult kids AGAIN.... AIBU

457 replies

rubberduck68 · 01/03/2025 10:04

My adult son still lives at home (he and his sister who is at Uni are moving in with their dad in the summer) but I just want to check if IABU. He and his GF are both early twenties, and she does stay over sometimes, which I am fine with. I have made the house rules that it's no more than three nights a week, but she's starting working at a nightclub and coming back at 3.00 am and waking me and my dog up. I have asked them both to stop, in fact I got them both up really early the last time they did it and sent her home. She did it again this week and I talked to her about it and she apologised. Last night, 2.30 am out she gets from an Uber and they are banging about downstairs! I spoke to my son who apologised. I've just asked him to send her home now, and he said I am "not very understanding." I feel awkward and uncomfortable in my own bloody home. Historically whenever I have put a boundary down with these two I am called to a meeting by them a few days later where she claims I don't like her, so I've cut that off with him today and said I won't be doing that, it's her behaviour I don't like. My son't argument is that he shouldn't have a curfew as an adult which I agree with, but I made the point that she doesn't live here! AIBU? I would never have dared behave like his in my parent's home at any age!

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 02/03/2025 21:15

EveryonesMother · 02/03/2025 21:04

Slightly different perpective here. I cant sleep until I know my kids are home and safe. my son works untill midniht sometimes.And when my daughters boyfriend moved in with us I felt no different when he was working late.
They are now gone a living together and I miss the noise, the happy sounds, being woken up or not sleeping waiting for them to come home. You are a long time alone after they are gone.
As you say in the summer there will be a move to the fathers, enjoy what time you have left as a family and dont let them leave on a sour note. Just keep a dialogue open with them and maybe ask when she is up and back in the early hours it may be better to go to her own home on those times.
In the end it about them having respect for you and your home.

@EveryonesMother

hmm… yeah I really don’t think Op is gonna being woken up at 3am and disrespected in her own home one iota!

EveryonesMother · 02/03/2025 21:04

Slightly different perpective here. I cant sleep until I know my kids are home and safe. my son works untill midniht sometimes.And when my daughters boyfriend moved in with us I felt no different when he was working late.
They are now gone a living together and I miss the noise, the happy sounds, being woken up or not sleeping waiting for them to come home. You are a long time alone after they are gone.
As you say in the summer there will be a move to the fathers, enjoy what time you have left as a family and dont let them leave on a sour note. Just keep a dialogue open with them and maybe ask when she is up and back in the early hours it may be better to go to her own home on those times.
In the end it about them having respect for you and your home.

independentfriend · 02/03/2025 21:03

Do have a think about how to improve the soundproofing in the house - extra rugs / fabric wall hangings etc are probably easy (unless a trip hazard) and relationship cheap.

You're still going to have him and / or other guests staying and while people moving around in the night should be quiet, it's worth trying to help with that given how disturbed your sleep has been for a while.

BoundaryGirl3939 · 02/03/2025 21:02

Don't put up with shit op. They have taken the absolute piss. So out of order

MyJoyousBiscuit · 02/03/2025 20:49

You've played this really well and I completely understand why you've been so accommodating. If you can hang in there til summer, do that for the sake of your relationship with your Son. We all know they're selfish little shites at that age and only experience changes that. Maybe do 2 nights instead of 3 and start vacuuming at 7am outside their door. I'd even suggest a smoke alarm mishap at 6am. Taste of their own medicine.

AshKeys · 02/03/2025 20:49

Julimia · 02/03/2025 19:53

Don't be ridiculous. It is still his home too and he is not 14. Never heard such nonsense.

You are right, he is not 14, if he doesn’t like the rules he can move out.

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/03/2025 20:47

Hmm1234 · 02/03/2025 20:34

Isn’t this because of their working pattern!? Not sure you can say much unless you want her to look for another job and move out

@Hmm1234

she has her own home.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 02/03/2025 20:44

I lived at home for a bit after uni and went out clubbing sometimes, getting home at 2 or 3 am. I crept in as quietly as a mouse so as not to wake my parents, and my mum commented on how she never heard me come in. This is what you do, if you're a young person in that situation.

hcee19 · 02/03/2025 20:42

It is your home. You have every right to say who comes and goes. Your ds, gf, is being extremely disrespectful towards you. It's not as if you haven't had words with them previously. If she cannot respect you, out she goes. You are not asking g alot of her, and she should adhere to your wishes.Put your foot down now, otherwise it will not get better. Good luck

RaveToTheGrave1 · 02/03/2025 20:36

Wow the cheek!

Hmm1234 · 02/03/2025 20:34

Isn’t this because of their working pattern!? Not sure you can say much unless you want her to look for another job and move out

Thinking2022 · 02/03/2025 20:33

Unbelievable

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/03/2025 20:18

Julimia · 02/03/2025 20:17

No tiptoeing required. Just common sense

@Julimia

common sense would be that this grown adult and his gf pipe down and let Op sleep!

Julimia · 02/03/2025 20:17

No tiptoeing required. Just common sense

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/03/2025 20:17

Julimia · 02/03/2025 20:15

Yes.

@Julimia

?

JudgeJ · 02/03/2025 20:15

Historically whenever I have put a boundary down with these two I am called to a meeting by them a few days later where she claims I don't like her

And you actually sit down to be hectored by the harradin?? Mistake number 1!
If she accuses you again of 'not liking her' the appropriate response would be 'Oh, something we agree on at last!'

Julimia · 02/03/2025 20:15

Yes.

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/03/2025 20:14

Julimia · 02/03/2025 20:11

He's not causing them the lady is refusing to ignore the disruption. Turn over and go to sleep. Not worth falling out about.

@Julimia

haha, if she could ignore it she would but clearly they are loud enough that she can’t ignore it and go to sleep! Why should she tiptoe around this grown man in case he falls out with her? He should be worried about her falling out with him! Especially as it’s her house not his, and she could turf him out at any time she wants…

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 02/03/2025 20:12

Julimia · 02/03/2025 20:06

Why is it all about money? It's his home too at the moment.
Ifvyou know whatvthe noise is you justvturn over and sleep anyway.

Are you for real?

Julimia · 02/03/2025 20:11

He's not causing them the lady is refusing to ignore the disruption. Turn over and go to sleep. Not worth falling out about.

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/03/2025 20:09

Julimia · 02/03/2025 20:06

Why is it all about money? It's his home too at the moment.
Ifvyou know whatvthe noise is you justvturn over and sleep anyway.

@Julimia a lot of people can’t sleep if people are banging and clattering about…
im not sure why you think this man and his GF shouldn’t just pay OP some respect? She doesn’t have to be a martyr

Julimia · 02/03/2025 20:06

Why is it all about money? It's his home too at the moment.
Ifvyou know whatvthe noise is you justvturn over and sleep anyway.

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/03/2025 20:06

Julimia · 02/03/2025 20:03

Added to the number of sleepless nights from your children anyway a few more don't matter. She should suck it up because it's truly not worth falling out over. She says it is now only going to be temporary so what dies it matter

@Julimia

your 20 something adult son shouldn’t be causing you sleepless nights as if they were a 2 year old, ffs!

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/03/2025 20:04

You’re doing really well op. I hope your ds has some good news on the job front and that all can return to calm and normalcy.

Julimia · 02/03/2025 20:03

Added to the number of sleepless nights from your children anyway a few more don't matter. She should suck it up because it's truly not worth falling out over. She says it is now only going to be temporary so what dies it matter

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