Woken up by adult kids AGAIN.... AIBU

If she's not inside your home by 11pm (or earlier if you wish) then she doesn't stay over that night.

She'd not be welcome for stay overseas anymore imo, get the keys back and tell your son this behaviour has gone too far. You shouldn't have to put up with it, he can book a hotel room or stay at her parents house if they feel the need.

I think you’re looking at it the wrong way.

You have an adult sharing the house with you (your son) and he has a guest who is causing issues.

Handle it the same way as you would if a lodger was doing the same. The fact that he is your son is a red herring. For a start, the guest shouldn’t be having a meeting to call you to task on your behaviour.

They either let want to be treated like adults, or they don’t. At the moment they are trying to have it both ways.

My son't argument is that he shouldn't have a curfew as an adult which I agree with, but I made the point that she doesn't live here!

This is a bullshit argument. If she came in quietly and didn't disturb you then you wouldn't even be talking to your son about it. Her arrival time is not the issue as far as I can tell, it's the noise she makes when she arrives that is the problem.

As for stomping around like child when she's asked to leave because she's so inconsiderate.... she wouldn't cross my threshold again without an apology.

Her sense of entitlement is breathtaking. I would take this opportunity to say to son no more!

I can't believe the sodding cheek of some adult children these days. Like others have said this is your home not a house share and she isn't your child and she isn't being considerate.... and to call a fucking family meeting because she's not happy?! No, no, no.

You absolutely can impose a curfew on adult children living in your home. And as adults they can absolutely decide they can’t live with a curfew and find a place of their own.

What the hell have I just read?

Your house guest summons you to a "family conference" to accuse you of "not liking her" if you have the temerity to complain about being woken by her in the early hours of the morning?

Time to grow a backbone OP and tell both of them she is no longer welcome to stay overnight in your house. Expecting people to be quiet at 3am when other members of the household are sleeping is perfectly reasonable. Not only is she not able to do that she thinks you are unreasonable for asking.

Remember you have made multiple polite requests, the time for negotiating is over, you are now TELLING her she cannot stay. You do not owe either of them an apology.

I would never dreamed of showing up to my boyfriend's (now DH) house at 3am when I was in my 20's!
I worked late nights and would always go home.
Incredibly disrespectful.
I agree with what others have said, on nights she's working, she goes home.

My son't argument is that he shouldn't have a curfew as an adult which I agree with, but I made the point that she doesn't live here!

Surely the best answer to that is that no-one is imposing a curfew, they are simply making a reasonable request that she (and your son) be quiet when she gets back?

I would second this. It's annoying enough to be woken up by your own adult kids, but not someone else's, especially when they appear to be so disrespectful. She has her own home, she can stay there.

They are being disrespectful and selfish. Stop the overnight stays.

I'm guessing that your son's girlfriend doesn't work full-time at the nightclub? If that's the case, then the nights she's working, she goes back to her own home. If she does work full-time, then I would limit her staying over. At the end of the day, she's a guest staying over, she doesn't pay rent, so therefore she needs to be considerate to others. Calling a meeting in your OWN home, is nothing short on entitled behaviour. She's a grown adult, like your son says, so therefore she needs to behave as one, not like a stroppy teenager!

I don't think you're being U. I had to tell my 20 something son to stop clanking about the kitchen at 2am as it wakes me up, he understood and apologised. It’s not a house share, it’s your home (and certainly not hers).

I would add to the list of rules, on a night she works she is not to come over after to sleep, she has to go home because that’s what seems to be the issue when she gets in from work in the early hours

I normally think it's unreasonable for adults to have a curfew, but she doesn't live with you, she doesn't pay rent, and she's not related to you.

So she doesn't stay over any more unless she's arriving by 10pm.

If they don't like it they move.

Yep, 100%. Cheeky cow.

There's no right or wrong way to live with an adult child but it needs to be clearer if they are children living in your home, or multiple adults living in a shared house.
Each option has different expectations and levels of responsibility.

It looks like your son and his gf think they are more like the latter.

You need to make it clear and be consistent with which option it is.

Of course you aren't unreasonable,you aren't imposing a curfew. But at this stage I think it depends in what you want to achieve as to what you do . They are moving out in the summer. I'd just keep managing day to day at the moment until they go and you hopefully will retain a relationship with your son, they'll mature or run into the same issue with his dad and realise how selfish they are. If you get too heavy handed it could drive a long term wedge between you and your son. If they weren't already moving on I think you'd have to play hard ball.

You have given them chances to rectify their behaviour and nothing has changed. I would say no more stay overs. Perhaps they can stay over at her parents house?

I think it's unreasonable to impose a curfew on adult children, but I think they are being very unreasonable to be making a noise when they come in. It's perfectly possible to come in quietly, make a drink or a sandwich without disturbing anyone. When my daughter and son in law were living with us last year, they woke us up constantly in the night and when my daughter was getting ready to go to work at 4.30, but I don't think they realised that they were disturbing us. We spoke to them a couple of times, and they were really quiet and considerate after that. Perhaps your son and his girlfriend really don't realise how noisy they're being? Particularly if they've had a few drinks when they come in.

You haven't set a curfew you've asked them not to disturb you.

She can fuck off home. You don't need to be understanding. You need some peace and quiet in your own home so that you can get to sleep. Your place is not a hotel.