Woken up by adult kids AGAIN.... AIBU

Be careful before you get called to a meeting 😂

On this point I'd be telling DS that he can move out now to his father's place and he can meet up with his GF at the weekends. You are no longer going to be disrespected in your home by either of them and they are BOTH taking the piss here.

She can finish Uni and stay in her student lodgings while she does that.

I feel for you @rubberduck68 . I think at this stage, I'd say no to anymore stayovers from her. She lives locally, and they're moving in together in 6 months. There's no real need for her to HAVE to stay over at your house. He'll just have to deal with the unhealthy co-dependency they've got going on.

And there's no way I'd have my child's girlfriend/boyfriend bring me to a MEETING in my own home - that would get my back right up. You've been so tolerant to date.

No more sleepovers, and when she visits, she needs to leave no later than 10/11pm at night.

If they don't like it, he can go sleep over at hers. They've blown it, I'd not pander to them anymore.

And as for him being tired, you should have replied "how do you think I feel when you both wake me up constantly in the night?"

Just tell him no overnight guests, period. They aren't going to die if they have to find somewhere else to be alone.

He needs to focus on finding work, saving money and bettering himself, not sleeping in and getting laid. Sorry but how has he been allowed to become such an inconsiderate, lazy person?

Tell them that they are free to live with her mother so.
Don't put up with any more of either of their guff!

If your son's argument is that as an adult he shouldn't have a curfew, you can tell him he doesn't.
He does however have to abide by the rules of the house and as long as he (and his girlfriend) are under your roof, there is a noise issue and they have to agree that they will not make any noise coming into the house or if they wake up and are wandering around downstairs after 11pm or midnight (whichever suits you). That's a house rule and you will also abide by it.
If they don't want to have rules applied to them, they can move out. Sooner rather than later and face the options of having to pay hefty rents/utilities/food costs. It's their call.

If you're called to a meeting - call one of your own first! You own the house, you can decide what is and isn't acceptable by any one staying under that roof!

This. I am dumbfounded.

No one who awakens me in the middle of the night is coming back.

”My son't argument is that he shouldn't have a curfew as an adult”.

I’d tell him he and his girlfriend don’t have to have a curfew, @rubberduck68 - they just need to be quiet when they come in late at night - not an unreasonable expectation on your part.

yup this. surely his bedroom needs hoovering?

My mum threatened me with a bucket of cold water once and she would have done it too. The day I left school at 16, I was given a very short time to get a job or leave the house, i legt at 18. Cant belive how young adults are pandered to today.

There’s no point having the conversation when he’s half asleep.

When he wakes up let him properly be awake and tell him you need to sit and have a chat.

Tell him everything you have here and that he’s an adult and he needs to start being more respectful.

Tell him that from now on, no one is allowed to stay during the week and if he choose to have a friend or gf stay on the weekend, then they need to be respectful of other people in the house.

Tell him you respect them enough to not be banging around and hoovering at 6am, so why can’t they give you that same respect at 3am.

God it sounds awful OP.

Yes, you absolutely should enforce your very reasonable expectations.

To your son - you are living here rent free. Please do not disturb me after 11am. Your GF is welcome here up to 3 nights a week and again she doesn't disturb me after 11am.

This is not a student house. If they want a student lifestyle of late nights and not getting up in the morning, ordering Just eat at 2am then they need to stay at hers.

Well they have shown that they don't want to respect your quite reasonable requests while she is staying. Therefore, she can no longer stay. Or if she does the limit it to what you can actually tolerate knowing their behaviour likely won't change - one night a week?

The danger is if she and OP’s son get more serious and get married, have kids etc…

Oh blimey, no. Is that how it sounds? Not at all perfect, by any means ha! OP was asking how to live with adult kids and I was giving an example of how it works with us. @Nanny0gg, yes they pay towards the (huge) rent and bills, one out of student finance.

The truth is not all parents want to live with their adult kids and not all adult kids want to live with their parents. They’d find it as irritating as hell and want their own space. That’s perfectly understandable.

Sounds like OP and her DS want v different lifestyles and have v different standards, so he only has two options: move out or suck it up.

If it were just OP's kids, she would probably be fine. It's the girlfriend that is the issue as she insists on staying at OP's when she finishes work at 3.00 am rather than going back to her shared house. OP's son and girlfriend are always noisy, cook food at 3.00 am and never clear up. Her son contributes nothing, no rent or payment for food or utilities. Surely if they expect to be treated like adults by OP, they should behave like adults and have some consideration. OP sounds at the end of her tether.

Just tell them she is not to come to your house after she gets off work. She can visit on her days off.

I can't imagine raising a daughter who'd have the cheek to behave like this.

She sounds a right little madam.

I agree with this.
She is way too entlitled and cheeky.

Gf needs to be going to her own place at 3am.
I think perfectly acceptable to have the rule that there's no cooking or talking after 12pm.
They can quietly come in and go to bed but I guess they arnt doing that.

On another note earplugs and sleep mask/headphone thingy that plays white noise has been lifesaver for me. I have a dh who works shifts and I'm a super light sleeper

I am finding it hard or I wouldn't have posted on here.

I wonder why?

In life in general, do you find it hard to establish boundaries?
Can you not say 'No'?

This is just one thing in your life that is going on.
Maybe there are others or have been.

Maybe you could consider talking therapy to work out why you find it so hard to call out unreasonable and selfish behaviour from your child- even if he is 20-something.

I can only assume you feel your relationship with him is insecure and you're scared of a long term rift.

He'd possibly respect you a lot more if you had more self-worth.

Get that fucking vacuum cleaner out and start working right beside his goddamned head. Then tell him if his arse isn't out of bed, dressed and downstairs ready for an adult discussion his "playdates" with his girlfriend in your home are over permanently as he's still clearly a child.

Jesus woman - throw a bucket of cold water over the git.

I really feel for you, OP.

I grew up in a blended family where there ended up being seven children and sometimes we were all there at once. The ages ranged from three late teens, two children at junior school, a toddler and a baby. It must have driven my dad and step mother absolutely nuts. I think it drove us all nuts at some points and I moved out as soon as I could.

One thing my dad used to say has always stayed with me: 'This is my house and I pay the bills, so I make the rules. If you don't like them you can leave'. It sounds harsh, but it worked.