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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a 13 and 11 year old can be left alone for a short period?

85 replies

PlaygroundSusie · 01/03/2025 06:04

Was meant to be catching up with three friends for coffee this weekend. One of my friends has now messaged the group, saying she may be unable to attend, as her husband has unexpectedly been called into work this weekend, and she has no one to mind the kids.

For context, her kids are aged 13 (turning 14 next week) and 11. They are both sensible, well-behaved kids, with no disabilities or special needs which might result in their needing extra supervision or care. My friend and her family live in a quiet neighbourhood, and our city is very safe. We had arranged to meet at a coffee shop a short distance from my friend's house, and she would have probably only been away for 90 minutes or so at most, during daylight hours.

I'm slightly put out, as it's taken us literally weeks to organise this catch-up (we all have busy lives). Between the four of us, we're not available to meet again until late April at the earliest.

Of course, I'm not going to say anything to my friend - her parenting dynamic is none of my business! But privately, I can't help but feel like her kids would most likely be ok, left alone at home for a short period. AIBU?

OP posts:
ColinOfficeTrolley · 01/03/2025 06:31

I know people with siblings this age who absolutely hate each others guts.

They can't be left alone because they fight and argue constantly

TickingAlongNicely · 01/03/2025 06:28

I know quite a few of my Yr7 (11/22yo) DDs peers aren't left alone yet. I know one of Yr9,m who isn't allowed to walk home from school alone (but mother is relaxing a bit more with friends now).

At least one of the Yr7s I agree with... Nice kid, just a bit dopey.
If the 11yo is Primary age, its even more common.

BatsInSpring · 01/03/2025 06:27

Maybe she's asked the kids and they don't want to be left parentless that morning. Maybe they need to feel prioritised this weekend, maybe she's feeling guilty,.maybe one of the kids is going through something she doesn't want to discuss.
Generally, yes, I agree, they are old enough, but anything could be going on, your friend might not want to fully disclose her reasons.
For that I put YABU. Just be supportive.

FlipFlopsSpots · 01/03/2025 06:21

I know it sounds weird, but maybe she just wasn't thinking. When my plans change I sometimes come up with daft solutions because I get a bit thrown! Could you say something like 'oh that's a shame, we'd love to see you and were looking forward to it. Do you think the kids would be ok for an hour on their own if you came, but left a bit early?'

In my case, I never mind someone asking a question. And actually in my case I'd probably think 'of course they can, what was I thinking!!' and I'd not need to change my plans.

I do wonder though, if maybe she doesn't want to go and this is a convenient excuse. Sometimes if I don't want to do something and a nice little excuse pops up for me, I'm right on it! :)

OMGInShock · 01/03/2025 06:20

But privately, I can't help but feel like her kids would most likely be ok, left alone at home for a short period.
This. And this:
Never mind, shall we bring cake to your house instead?

MinnieMountain · 01/03/2025 06:10

Agreed. But what’s wrong with “Never mind, shall we bring cake to your house instead?”

NewtonsCradle · 01/03/2025 06:10

I think she just doesn't want to go. But yes, at 11+ kids are usually pretty capable of being left for a couple of hours.

WhatNoRaisins · 01/03/2025 06:08

Would have been normal when I was this age.

Octavia64 · 01/03/2025 06:08

At 14 I was babysitting other kids.

When my kids were 14 I didn't go quite that far but they were certainly safe to be left.

BeethovenNinth · 01/03/2025 06:07

YANBU. Agree.

but my friends wildly differ here. One won’t leave her teen alone even whilst she walks the dog. I was criticised the other day for letting my sensitive ten year old pick up a friends six year old son and walk him home (mother of child was happy and has asked her to - it was other friends that criticised)

us kids of the eighties brought ourselves up!