To think a 13 and 11 year old can be left alone for a short period?

Can you not just go ahead without her, and meet up again in April with her?

Mine would normally be OK at that age but there still can be reasons. E.g. dc recently had a bad asthma flare up for a few days and I wouldn't have them then

I can leave my 11 year old DD on her own for a couple of hours quite happily. She's very sensible . We had to go out yesterday shopping for new bathroom stuff and she would have preferred to put pins her eyes than come along so we left her sat on her bed with her headphones on . When we returned 2 hours later she was in the exact same place with the cat . Some of her friends though it's a completely different story . Some are still picked up directly from school gate because they're scared to walk or parents don't want them to .

I have kids the same age. My eldest I would be happy to leave at home, and more importantly she would also be happy to be left (either on her own or with her younger sibling). My youngest I would also be happy to leave at home as he is sensible but he wouldn't necessarily want me to, even with his older sibling. Personally I'm more child led on these sort of situations, maybe her kids don't feel comfortable being left alone. I'm all for allowing my kids age appropriate levels of independence, but at their own individual pace. A lot of kids at these ages would be fine to be left at home alone for short periods of time, but not all.

YANBU- at those ages, sensible kids should be fine for an hour or two.

As kids, me and my sister were alone for longer at those ages.

My son is 11 and in Y6 still- he is completely fine on his own for an hour or so (he likes it!). He has his phone so can contact us, a neighbour he can go to if needed (never been necessary) and knows not to open the door or use the oven.

Unless the kids need dropping off/picking up from somewhere, it seems odd.

This - lots of siblings fight! They might be sensible when you’re around them but left alone could be very different!

I have an 11 and 13 year old. I would leave the 11 year old for up to about 90 mins however he is absolutely fine with it and very trustworthy. I can understand why some 11 year olds wouldn't be able to be left alone. I also wouldn't leave 2 of them if they didn't get along well. It's annoying but obviously her decision as a parent.

I think it's fine for parents to make the call of if/when/why they leave their DC alone tbh. So what if the vast majority would leave theirs? It makes no difference to this woman's choice not to go out for coffee and leave her DC. I think it's fine to choose to be around for whatever reason and people don't need to be deciding what other parents should do.

Maybe the kids were meant to be doing something at that same time, that her husband was taking them to and now can't?

But in principle, I agree, kids those ages can be left.

Unless there were SEN it’s rather an indictment on your parenting that your teen and older child can’t be left unsupervised for 90 minutes in the day.

Mine were coming home alone on the bus at 11, so I think she is daft saying they need to be minded. But all kids are different

It could be anything. Rather than being irritated I would just ask my friend, "Won't they be okay on their own for an hour or so?", and see what the response is.

I would (and have) left my DC alone at that age but there seems to be a wild variance in what different parents permit. I think parents who wfh, for example, and are always there when their DC get home from school aren't used to leaving them.

If you're meeting at a coffee shop and she won't leave then could she bring them and sit them at a different table with phones or a book? My DC would be happy to sit there for an hour or so if there was hot chocolate and cake involved.

YANBU to think most 11 and 13 year-olds would be fine to stay at home for 90 minutes if they didn't have places they need transport to/from.

But YABU to be put out about this. When kids are ready to be left home alone is not a one-sized-fits-all thing and there are too many potential variables you're not aware of (those sensible kids you know might be on a run of some out-of-character tween decisions, they may have places to be, one may not be comfortable staying home, they may be fine separately but fight when left alone together and big sibling gets bossy, or maybe your friend is just anxious about this and hasn't decided the time is right). And her not being able to make it doesn't mean you or the other two can't or shouldn't get together still, so it's not like this forces you to cancel.

At the end of the day this is just part of trying to plan things with multiple busy adults with families. I've found you'll see your friends far more if you stop waiting for the whole group's schedules to line up and just plan more frequent things that work for most in the group. If someone can't make it on one occasion then just try to make sure the next time works for their schedule.

Im not sure why some people are replying saying they left their similar aged kids alone and they were fine.... that's you and your family, every family is different.

I agree with a previous poster, that you don't know the reasoning behind it, could be anything and it's simply not your place to judge.

It’s a bit excessive but why aren’t you all just going to her house instead?

It's a couple of hours in the day time, she's being a bit strange. I agree with @TheaBrandt1 on this.

Unless there are extenuating circumstances that’s really weird. From 11 they get themselves to secondary school!

The rest of you definitely meet up anyway with a breezy “would be great to see you Claire if you can slip away”. I would be pissed off if my plans trashed because someone was a neurotic helicopter parent.

On the face of it, YA absolutely NBU. I have recently started to leave my 9 year old alone for very short periods (15 mins while collecting a sibling) so I would imagine by almost 14 he would be fine for a couple of hours. As others have said, perhaps the dynamic between the siblings is such that she doesn’t feel able to leave them together?

Personally I'd go ahead with the coffee date for the other three of you. I'm sure she won't be offended in the circumstances. If I was her I'd be telling you to carry on without me.

Could they have activities to attend. I can’t go to something similar this morning as I am in sole care of my DC of similar age but I have to get them to an activity they do. Also we have a busy rest of day so I need to make sure they’ve had a good lunch etc. others have mentioned that they might not want the parent to leave them. I wouldn’t leave my DC if they didn’t want me too. I tend to leave mine alone more than together as they can wind each other up.

I agree with you OP but it may be that the 11 and 13 year old aren't comfortable being left alone rather then your friend not wanting to leave them.

If my dh was called to work last minute then I would have drop offs and picks ups at their sports to do. Could it be something like that?

My DC are 13 and 11. Before half term they both had an inset day so we left them alone. They would have been alone for around 8 hours. I’ve left DD alone for that time before but never with her being in charge of her (ASD) brother. She was to message me every hour to give me an update. They both survived 😂 I was very proud of them so I would say yes, at that age they can be left alone.

Or maybe the kids have commitments too which dad would have sorted but now he's not there she has to do.
Saturday in our house is football and music morning. My eldest is not self sufficient and take himself, but when he was 10 we lived further away and I had to take and collect from music. Football can be anywhere with anytime kick off....so we are finished anytime from 11 to 1.....