To think a 13 and 11 year old can be left alone for a short period?

Yeah, I don't understand that. Is she the glue in the group or something? Strange.

I do feel that the politer option would have been for my friend to say: "Why don't the rest of you go ahead and still meet tomorrow, and I'll see you all next time". But she didn't, so we're rescheduling!).

This is so weird. You don't need her permission to go for coffee. The arrangement was made, if someone pulls out then they are simply not there but the plans continue.

Why are you all so wet that you needed her to tell you to go ahead?

This would get on my nerves and I'd probably let the friendship subtly go. I'd do what pp's says and say shall we all come to yours, or better still just go ahead and say oh well maybe you can make it next time, and thus deliberately let her know that you others aren't going to pander to her, her overprotectiveness of her dc.

You don’t sound much like a group of friends.

My children (13 and 11) would be mortified by this suggestion.

Of course kids that age are perfectly fine left alone for a couple of hours.

But there could be umpteen reasons why your friend has cancelled, ranging from "doesn't actually want to go, and/or is feeling a bit under the weather" to "there's something fairly serious going on at home that needs my attention more."

And everyone parents differently. I've got a friend who is very "helicopter-y" over her two DDs. One's well into secondary school, and the other is at the top end of primary, yet my friend seems to schedule every single waking minute with her girls. She lurches them from activity to activity, with not a single moment for them to go and slob in their rooms for a bit, or otherwise entertain themselves.

We have two rules for when they are home alone. Don't answer the phone and no headphones.

They should be fine for a couple of hours, but if they haven't been left before then probably not.

Dd's are the same age. Dp works evenings (shifts on a rota basis) and I work three days a week, once or twice a week our shifts clash. Dd's let themselves in from school, we have a key safe and get on with some homework. Dd1 even switches the oven on sometimes, with a pre prepared meal. Once they have done homework they are allowed to go on devices, until I get in from work, they are at home by themselves for no more than two hours. We did have to build them up to this.

Dd1 likes staying at home alone anyway and often does during dd2's activity on a Saturday morning. Dd2 is less keen on being home alone as she likes company, however we try to at any opportunity for an hour or so to get her more comfortable with it, this isn't that often.

My 11yo stays at home for 2 hours after school with no issues. She knows she can contact us or grandparents. She’s been doing it since she started high school
only rules are that she locks herself in and doesn’t do any cooking
oh and feeds the cats…

YANBU. My kids are 12 and 9 and I leave them for 15-20 minutes while I pop to a local shop. The 12 year old is fine to walk 20 minutes to school, run a local errand or go into town on the bus with friends. I would hope that by the time the youngest is 11 I'll be happy to trust them alone for an hour or two.

I don't understand why this means everyone else has to miss out. You are all adults. She has chosen not to come for whatever reason. That's up to her. Yes she's probably using the kids as an excuse because she's tired/ has something going on/ CBA but that's her prerogative. You are not her keeper. Just crack on and enjoy your catch up. Attendance isn't compulsory. I am sure she'll make the next one.

Yeah, I wouldn't cancel.

Don't cancel, the three of you should go ahead.
Suggest that she could join you for a short time if the kids are ok with that.
Or that you can bring takeaway coffees back to hers if that would work.

All kids are different but generally they ought to be ok to be left by those ages, if no SEN or anxieties and if they won't wind each other up. But maybe it's her that's anxious. One of my son's friends got walked to school by his mum until he was about 13 and she wouldn't let him go out if it was raining.

Also if she WFH leaving them probably feels a bit alien. When my eldest went to secondary school it was pre covid and we worked in the office pretty much full time, so he had to get used to being on his own in the house for a couple of hours after school and then in the hols, though we managed to eke out our annual leave so he was 12 before he was being left for full days. I started leaving him for short spells from about age 9 (i.e. 15-20 mins while I nipped to the shop or walked the baby round the block to get her to sleep). But my nearly 11 year old is used to one of us WFH and less keen to be left, we've only just started leaving her for an hour or so. I admit I did feel more anxious about her as she has been a bit "babied".

"Bring them along with their ipads and headphones we ll set them up at nearby table"

I would probably just ask her if they could stay at home on their own. I left mine alone every day for about that amount of time after school in Y7. Also had to leave youngest for 4.5 hours once a week at age 11 because of a weekend work shift. The beauty of phones meant that it wasn't much of a worry.

Meet the others without her. Whether or not she is happy to leave her children by themselves is her problem.

I leave my 14 & 11 year old to go shopping every week. We're away for a few hours. They're pretty sensible but my sister does live nearby if there are any issues.

My brother's kids fought like cat and dog at that age, he wouldn't leave them alone without an umpire! They've grown out of it now.

Can't you just all go to her house instead and you offer to take some cakes etc?

At the end of the day, it's her decision as to whether to leave the children alone or not. But given that she lives near to where you were supposed to be meeting yet hasn't invited you to hers instead suggests there might be more to this than a childcare issue.

We are all different but if she’s just going to be down the road it sounds ok to me.

the 3 of you should all definitely still meet anyway.

Of course they can be left.

I would just say "oh, that's a shame" and meet up without her 🤷‍♀️

She has her reasons, whatever they are. She may feel that she won’t be able to relax and enjoy the get together properly worrying about her dc at home. She may not have left them home alone before.

I would just go ahead and meet with the others, anyway.

I'd hazard a guess that there are clubs/sports that the kids need drop off and pick up from rather than her not wanting to leave them on their own.

Maybe they do t want kids butting in their conversation