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AIBU?

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Original poster

To break up with him if he stays?

88 replies

Byefeliciabyebye · 01/03/2025 05:22

I’m away with my partner in Dubai. It’s been grossly romantic and today is our last day.

i have kids and a full time job at home. He works remotely and has adult kids.

We were just both joking about how lovely it’d be to stay when he said “well I might stay another week”.

Obviously I cannot stay another week as I’m due back at work and to get the kids back from their dad.

I would be devastated if he did this. I can’t really articulate why but certainly in part because it shows our lives aren’t compatible.

OP posts:
Starseeking · 01/03/2025 14:17

He works remotely so it's quite possible for him to stay without too much drama.

You sound resentful that he is able to do things that aren't within your control to do, so you are at different stages of life. There's nothing to indicate a horrible relationship, in fact you even say what a wonderful break you have had, so splitting makes no sense.

Him staying would only mean you had to take a flight home by yourself, which you must be perfectly capable of doing. Your reaction to what he said sounds a bit OTT, you're not joined at the hip, it doesn't even sound like you live together!

arcticpandas · 01/03/2025 12:54

LTB !

PurpleThistle7 · 01/03/2025 12:29

This is super odd to me. You are a dating right? So it's not like he's just abandoning the family for a week or ducking responsibilities. He has a separate life. As do you. This would be 100% a non issue for me

Crichel · 01/03/2025 12:25

TeeBee · 01/03/2025 12:20

I'm another who doesn't understand this at all. What's wrong with travelling home alone? I love a nice quiet flight. He's got the opportunity to stay another week. What does it matter? He'll be back in a few days. If I was him, I'd see this as a red flag that you couldn't be independent.

This.

Though anyone who sees Dubai as ‘grossly romantic’ is clearly of a very different mindset to mine, anyway.

TeeBee · 01/03/2025 12:20

I'm another who doesn't understand this at all. What's wrong with travelling home alone? I love a nice quiet flight. He's got the opportunity to stay another week. What does it matter? He'll be back in a few days. If I was him, I'd see this as a red flag that you couldn't be independent.

tallhotpinkflamingo · 01/03/2025 11:10

Catapultaway · 01/03/2025 10:44

How does the flight home look in your life? In my life we have had two weeks together... the flight home is headphones in watching something or reading a book 😂

Show quote history

maybe she's hoping for mile high club 😂

Catapultaway · 01/03/2025 10:44

Byefeliciabyebye · 01/03/2025 05:32

I definitely don’t resent it and strangely I end up with more free time than him due to the nature of his business, so we do travel separately. I wouldn’t leave him to travel home alone at the last minute on a joint holiday though! Imagine how shit that flight home would be for the person who had to leave!

Different if you’d planned it that way in advance of course.

Edited
Show quote history

How does the flight home look in your life? In my life we have had two weeks together... the flight home is headphones in watching something or reading a book 😂

tallhotpinkflamingo · 01/03/2025 10:39

I could understand it if you were a nervous flyer or had some kind of health condition where you needed extra support, but you say you travel separately all the time.

So yeah you're being weird.

If he was the same level of weird as you're being, he'd tell you to sack off the kids and call in sick to work since it's only a week.

BlondeFool · 01/03/2025 10:19

There's one red flag and it's you. Very controlling.

Ratisshortforratthew · 01/03/2025 10:18

It’s really not a problem and you’re being weird OP. I’ve done this. Why should he pretend he doesn’t have certain freedoms just because you don’t?

arethereanyleftatall · 01/03/2025 10:13

Very surprised at the first half dozen or so responses.
Your attitude here is extremely selfish op, denying someone a good time because you can't have it as well?!?
I think if you did kick off about this, you wouldn't need to worry about ending it with him, I'm sure he'd end it himself.

MargoTen · 01/03/2025 10:08

LucyMonth · 01/03/2025 07:26

Reverse this…

”I have the opportunity to stay in Dubai for an extra week but my partner says he’ll break up with me if I stay”.

People would say controlling, manipulative, selfish.

I think it’s fine to (internally) pout and feel jealous, but that’s it.

Agree with this.

pennykate · 01/03/2025 10:07

I'm wondering if this is a reverse.
Imagine a scenario where a female OP could stay another week somewhere and her DP objected or threatened to break up with her. He'd be called controlling and she'd be told to leave him.

Miaowzabella · 01/03/2025 09:48

Why shouldn't he extend his holiday by a week? It's not as if he were proposing a permanent move to Dubai. And sitting on a plane for a few hours is not exactly a major challenge. You should be able to do it without someone holding your hand.

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 01/03/2025 09:47

You'd break up with him because you're jealous of his lifestyle? (That's what it sounds like)

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 01/03/2025 09:46

I don't see what the problem is. I've stayed abroad and my husband has needed to come home a few times. We don't need to be together 24/7.

Snoken · 01/03/2025 09:43

BunnyLake · 01/03/2025 09:18

I can’t get past the ‘grossly’ romantic (fixating on it rather than the actual issue). There’s a word for that kind of phrase (two opposites).

Yea, it's an oxymoron I guess.

Cinai2 · 01/03/2025 09:32

I think a holiday that started together should finish together (if that was the plan). However, if he decides to go somewhere else next week on his own, I’d be ok with that.

TinyGingerCat · 01/03/2025 09:25

You sound a bit intense OP, you're basically saying he can't have a nice time because you've got to go home to your kids - plus i also can't get past the phrase "grossly romantic".

BunnyLake · 01/03/2025 09:18

I can’t get past the ‘grossly’ romantic (fixating on it rather than the actual issue). There’s a word for that kind of phrase (two opposites).

LegallyBlende · 01/03/2025 09:03

When you get back, it's back to reality and work and chores...yours just comes a bit sooner than his this time

LegallyBlende · 01/03/2025 09:02

My dh hardly ever gets away so if I had to get back for work, I would be encouraging him to stay if he was able.

It's often me going off and him staying to work...and he encourages me to go, no point sitting at home because he has to work

OlivePeer · 01/03/2025 08:57

I've been thinking some more about this and to me, a holiday with a partner is not just a holiday to a place while another person is there but may as well not be - the whole thing is a unit. The primary thing is spending time with them in a different environment, seeing things together, relaxing away from work together, etc. Saying you're having such a good time that you'll stay on alone is like saying "I can take or leave you being here." It is the opposite of romantic.

imtherelala · 01/03/2025 08:48

You are overreacting op.
Id stay another week he has no responsibility his kids have grown up.
Id definitely be enjoying it.
My first ever holiday i never did come home.

Imbusytodaysorry · 01/03/2025 08:45

@Byefeliciabyebye im with you . I would be angry and upset .
You travelled together you should go home together . A nice loved up break and he sends you back home alone .
Don’t say too much let him decide for himself then you will know who he is.