Mum doesn’t want baby to go nursery

Honestly ignore the others trying to find an alternative .

if you want to be kind just say you find it really difficult to concentrate with the baby in the house ..

I would also as pp said the benefits of nursery . Tell her with everything going on some normality is what you all need .

it sounds like she really wants to help just isn’t

My Mum is anti nursery too. I don’t think they always realise how great some of the nurseries are.

Can you find somewhere else to work? Or ask Mum to have the baby at her house? Or book somewhere for them to go for a big chunk of the day like soft play, farm trip etc?

Have you told your mum that your working hours are from X to Y, and she needs to be fully in charge of the baby and not to interrupt you at all for the entire duration of your workday?

That you are expected to be at your desk and fully engaged in work every minute of your workday apart from allowed loo breaks, and not dealing with the baby or housework or conversing with DM during the hours you are being paid to work?

I would go ahead with nursery to be honest op. You could always look at reducing the days your child is in when you see how things go and your dh is back and recovered. I think your mum is well intentioned but realistically you also need to be able to hold down your job and it'll be very stressful if you're trying to juggle both and things start building up. I also live with my parents at the moment and they do childcare for me twice a week and ds is in nursery the rest of the days I'm in work but as you say, when I have had to do things from home and ds was there he's not settled for them, been looking for me and I've felt like I've done a half job at everything. Ds absolutely loves nursery, I'm very hands on with him but his speech and abilities have come on leaps and bounds. The first few months were brutal with illnesses but now he's been going a year and a half and he's sick nowhere near as often. Plus I'd personally rather he was sick like this now than when starting school so I'm telling myself I'm paying it forward in that respect. For me the main difference is in ds confidence though- before he never wanted to leave me, was hard to settle with anyone and if we were in the park he was very shy whereas now he will talk to anyone and has really become a little social butterfly. So while it's not ideal, it's also not the worst thing in the world.

Unless you go to the office or a xo workimg space for the full time so you can work for the period. That would be one solution.
The other is put baby in nursery.

Could your mum take the baby back to her place, or out for the day?

Your mom doesn't make those decisions for your baby, you do.

Given the fact that she rushes you now while you're trying to work from home, your job could be on the line if she continues as childcare. Some people just don't get or don't want to get that working from home is still working and you are on your employer's clock. She's going to have to suck it up. Maybe get her something nice or take her to lunch as a thanks for her support.

I think you made the best decision for your situation and I hope your partner recovers well.

Could you look at renting an office space. I had a quick look on this site https://www.easyoffices.com/uk/day-office and it looked like it would be cheaper than nursery, unless you get funding. You could maybe split the week as well so your mum gets to watch her 2 -3 days and she goes to nursery for the other days. Or split based on what hours are covered by funding and.your mum.haver her the other hours.

I'd say to your mum that you want your baby in nursery a few days a week for socialisation, getting used to being left with other trusted adults, all the extra activities and experiences the baby gets there. But that you are super grateful for her support at other times and when the baby is ill and can't go, in holidays, etc.

It’s your baby and your decision.

It sounds like your parents have been incredibly kind and accommodating. Can you suggest to your DM that she deserves a break too?

You need to be honest with her, if she can manage without interruptions, then I'd think about it.

Nursery is good for the baby too, often they get sick a lot for the first year, meaning sleep deprivation for parents who need rest to work.

Write down the pros vs cons.

Can you go out and work in the library? I do this sometimes and there is a work area where I can do calls (with headphones) - unless its confidential.

Nursery is great for socialising, preparation for school environment, different toys/activities to explore. Tell your mum you are happy with your decision and don't want to continue discussing it.

Yeah 100% put the baby in nursery, its your child, your mum doesnt get to call the shots.

Separately, this being mumsnet, i amazed no one has suggested yet that your husband is lying about surgery and is away having an affair.

All forms of childcare have pros and cons.

One of the biggest pros of nursery over other forms is reliability. They will always be there. Even if a staff member or 2 is off sick they can move staff around rooms to cover etc.

Right now your Mum is being very generous but she isn’t being reliable. What she’s providing isn’t childcare. It’s more like a “helping hand” which isn’t what you need.

Can you go somewhere else to work while she’s in the home with your baby?

I would put it to your mother that the current arrangement isn't working. There are too many interruptions and you cannot afford to lose your job. The current economic climate and your husbands situation plus flat issues. You NEED to be employed.
Her support when the baby is unwell is hugely appreciated and it's lovely to spend more time with her yada yada.

Or you explain your alternative is for you to go into the office for your three days which would make the working day longer, increase your costs and mean she would be absolutely solo parenting from 7am to 7pm [or whatever]

My DC was born 2 months premature and the NICU Consultant told us the best thing for them was as soon as they corrected for preterm birth get them in nursery.

We did part time nursery from 14 months old. DC loved nursery.

All grown up now, achieved top grades in GCSE’s and A levels even though their preterm birth was end of August instead of October so they were the youngest in their year.

Nursery is not just childcare it is so much more.

You are the parent if you are happy with nursery stick with it.

I can see where your mum is coming from, you are staying at theirs, working from their house, yet putting your baby in nursery, I assume your mum is in the house at the same time as you are working anyway? So it would seem a bit odd on insisting you send her to nursery, maybe she just doesn't see the point of you staying there if you're not utilising their help for childcare? Can you not leave the baby with her then go and work from your flat?

YANBU to send your baby to nursery, it's entirely up to you what childcare you prefer her to have, but YABVU to not explain the reasons to your mum, you are living with her, you owe it to her to be honest at least, if you were honest would she make an effort to leave you in peace while you're working? Why not just talk to her about it?

Just tell your mom exactly what you said here about the WFH thing and that you need proper childcare for these days not just when on calls. If she has a strop just ignore. You know what you need and what's best for your little one

Also babies and children need to catch colds and viruses! It helps in the long run!

Baby will be happy and better looked after in nursery. She will have 1 2 1 no distractions knowing you are there. You will feel better as you can concentrate and have some space as well. Just explain it's not a criticism of her looking after the baby. Just your priorities have changed during this window when recovery is crucial.

What makes you say nursery isn't ideal? Nursery is great to help children with their independence and social skills. I'd argue that nursery is better for at least part of the week, even if it's only one day, than them being at home with family 24/7.

Op is staying with her mum