Mum doesn’t want baby to go nursery

HelloVeraPlant · 2025-02-28T14:57:43+00:00

I’m very lucky that I have family support. My baby is nearly 1, I have to go back to work and my partner is undergoing a major surgery in another city - and is staying with his family, so my family has stepped in with childcare. I work 3 days now, so I’ve put my baby in nursery as partner will be recovering for over a month. My mum says that she doesn’t like the fact I’ve put the baby in nursery and that she will do the childcare. She has been super helpful! But when I work from home, and she is baby sitting - she will rush me, and only looks after the baby whilst I’m on calls without realising that I need the day to get the actual work done - which is one of the reasons I decided to put the baby in nursery. I think she is being unreasonable. I get nursery isn’t ideal - and annoyingly baby caught a cold on the first week so it hasn’t helped my case. But at the same time relying on my mum means my production is low and I’m not getting much work done. And yes, I could completely ignore her - but I’m staying there for a while whilst partner undergoes surgery and our flat has had other issues that makes staying with parents easier. Who is unreasonable here - I almost feel bad for putting the baby in nursery so young but I’ve paid and his place is secured. But we really need the income as this year hasn’t been kind to us.

Manthide · 02/03/2025 14:47

DontBeADick11 · 02/03/2025 09:09

What’s with the nursery bashing?!

As a PP has stated, nursery is not just childcare. It’s great for their social skills and developmentally really brings them on.

I would argue that not sending them to nursery at all is doing them a disservice.

I think that's a bit strong! I don't think I did my dc a disservice by not sending them to nursery. I was a SAHM to my 4 dc and none of them went to nursery. They did attend a pre school for a few hours twice a week from 2 and a half. They are all very sociable, were never sick and they have all done very well academically. I was perfectly capable of providing them with the means to develop well. Saying that I'm sure some dc benefit from nurseries and most parents have to work. My gs goes to a nursery full time, he was basically ill for the whole first year! My gd will be going part time from next month. Dd and her dh are doctors and the nursery is not open bank holidays so I think the gps are going to step in on those few days.

Juicyprawns · 02/03/2025 09:33

I had to return to work for financial reasons when my kids were 6 months old so they both went to nursery. It was good for them in all sorts of ways

Frowningprovidence · 02/03/2025 09:15

My mum doesn't get working from.home either.

I think nursery us fine and if that's your preference stick to it.

You say there is am issue with your flat? Is it possible to work from home from your flat.

DontBeADick11 · 02/03/2025 09:09

What’s with the nursery bashing?!

As a PP has stated, nursery is not just childcare. It’s great for their social skills and developmentally really brings them on.

I would argue that not sending them to nursery at all is doing them a disservice.

Treacle2014 · 01/03/2025 17:46

I think you are entirely in the right here. You’ve made a difficult decision regarding nursery, you’ve got to work. If your mum wants to have baby instead of nursery and save you money, fantastic but she needs to keep baby out of the way so you can actually focus on your work.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 01/03/2025 17:42

user3827 · 01/03/2025 16:28

Nursery under 3 is not ideal for the child , so if you have the option...

What option? Her mum is not actually offering to care for her child. She’s offering to take the child here and there to cover the odd phone call, and then expects. OP to be doing the childcare a lot of the rest of the time. OP needs childcare so that she wants to work and her mum is not offering to do this.

Sassybooklover · 01/03/2025 17:39

Unfortunately, many people think WFH equates to 'dossing around, doing little'. If you had to go into the office, then your Mum wouldn't expect to only look after your daughter whilst you were on calls! Therefore, the same applies whilst working from home! You aren't available. It's that simple. If sending your daughter to nursery is what's best for your family, then that's all you need to worry about.

sarah419 · 01/03/2025 17:28

can’t you work from the nearest library? or arrange for activities for her and child that they can go to during the day?

Glittertwins · 01/03/2025 17:17

It would not be a good idea to change your working hours to suit your mum when you have a childcare place already. What would happen if she asked you again and then again? My place only allows requests once per 12 month period.

Original poster

HelloVeraPlant · 01/03/2025 17:10

Be is 1.

Now DS is sick and has caught a virus. It was so bad we had to go and emergency care. So the nursery won’t have him anyway as he has been throwing up and conditions go against their sickness policy - and I think it’s cruel to send a baby to Nursery when they are this sick.

My mum is very happy to take on the childcare, and is thriving off the fact that she can take care of the baby whilst he is recovering. Again, I am super grateful for this, however, her snarky comments about Nursery’s have being so annoying on the journey back home from the hospital.

Outside of this, I’ve explained to her that my hours clash with her hours, she’s replied back asking if I can ask my work to change my working hours.

I’ve explained why it would be difficult if I do.

My mum has always worked part time and inflexible manual work, so there’s also a massive misunderstanding of how office dynamics work. However, that is no excuse.

Either way when the baby is better, I will take him back to nursery, I guess my current frustration is having to listen to the many reasons why I’ve made a bad choice by sending the baby to Nursery.

Of course, Nursery has its benefits, and so does staying with family. I’ve seen the benefits of DS being at nursery, he is very clingy, and always sleeps on me – and being in Nursery means he’s done those 2 less.

Which I guess is better for me, as it means naptimes are longer – so from a selfish point of view, there are other benefits.

OP posts:

SalfordQuays · 01/03/2025 16:53

autisticbookworm · 28/02/2025 16:14

Nursery is great for socialising, preparation for school environment, different toys/activities to explore. Tell your mum you are happy with your decision and don't want to continue discussing it.

One year olds don’t need to prepare for school

MissDoubleU · 01/03/2025 16:48

HelloVeraPlant · 01/03/2025 01:11

Thanks for the replies. My mum is a complicated character and whilst we are amiable, we have a strange relationship for various reasons. She can be very set in her ways.

I’ve explained everything to her. I’ve told her, but in the moment, if I’m working from home she will come to me for a ‘break’. And she doesn’t seem to get the concept of working from home. She also works in the afternoon so I have to be back by a certain time and nursery allows me to do my hours. She also has stuff to do during the day sometimes so I feel it’s unfair for her to take on all the childcare when nursery is an option.

Either way, she is aware - but has a passive way of pushing her opinion. She’s spent the whole week quizzing me about the nursery and checking to see if it’s a good idea - her tone indirectly indicates she doesn’t think it’s a good idea (example, constantly asking “do you think he is big enough for nursery” or “I don’t really like nurseries”).

I’ll just have to be firm.

Yup. You need to keep that boundary strong. Even when she is quizzing you on the nursery to see if it is good enough, I would shut it all down. You know what is best for your child and have made that decision. She doesn’t need to know the ins and outs, she doesn’t have to like nurseries.

“I don’t like nurseries”
”What a good thing that it is DS who is attending then!”

SalfordQuays · 01/03/2025 16:46

ReadingSoManyThreads · 01/03/2025 16:35

Personally, I wouldn't put a baby in nursery when they could be looked after by a helpful close relative right there where you are. You just need to reiterate to your mum your expectations and remind her that she needs to properly care for baby as you are working.

Can't believe people on here are talking about a baby this young needing to socialise 🙄 Studies show that babies and young toddlers are best with their family, and socialisation isn't needed until later.

Nursery being needed for socialisation is a myth that people spout out to make themselves feel better about using nurseries, I know my view won't be popular, but socialisation is banded about so much, I'm a home educator, so I hear it a lot!!

I agree. Babies this age do far better being looked after by a carer who loves them. The social stuff doesn’t come for another couple of years. There’s a bizarre love of nurseries on MN. I think people aren’t confident in their own ability to look after a baby, and assume it’s best done by a teenager who has 2 other babies to look after, but who knows how to tick EYFS boxes.

Glittertwins · 01/03/2025 16:42

user3827 · 01/03/2025 16:28

Nursery under 3 is not ideal for the child , so if you have the option...

On what reason are you basing this?

SalfordQuays · 01/03/2025 16:41

Totototo · 28/02/2025 16:06

My DC was born 2 months premature and the NICU Consultant told us the best thing for them was as soon as they corrected for preterm birth get them in nursery.

We did part time nursery from 14 months old. DC loved nursery.

All grown up now, achieved top grades in GCSE’s and A levels even though their preterm birth was end of August instead of October so they were the youngest in their year.

Nursery is not just childcare it is so much more.

You are the parent if you are happy with nursery stick with it.

@Totototo dreadful advice, and a NICU consultant should know better

ReadingSoManyThreads · 01/03/2025 16:35

Personally, I wouldn't put a baby in nursery when they could be looked after by a helpful close relative right there where you are. You just need to reiterate to your mum your expectations and remind her that she needs to properly care for baby as you are working.

Can't believe people on here are talking about a baby this young needing to socialise 🙄 Studies show that babies and young toddlers are best with their family, and socialisation isn't needed until later.

Nursery being needed for socialisation is a myth that people spout out to make themselves feel better about using nurseries, I know my view won't be popular, but socialisation is banded about so much, I'm a home educator, so I hear it a lot!!

JFDIYOLO · 01/03/2025 16:33

Your child, your choice.

Your mum WANTS to look after your child (as it suits her).

You NEED to send DC to nursery to facilitate your demanding job and your husband's health.

Here are good reasons for sending a child to nursery - there will be others you can add to your responses as to why you've chosen to do it.

Also it might be an idea to stop referring to your DC as 'the baby' - suggests she's being seen as younger than she is, not yet ready to go. Name, our daughter etc.

https://littleacornsnursery.org.uk/i-have-time-to-care-for-them-myself-why-should-i-send-my-child-to-nursery/

PacificAtlantic · 01/03/2025 16:30

We opted for a mix. Half day nursery and then grandparent picked up after lunch and had a few hours of the afternoon. As this meant leaving the house to pick grandchild up the grandparent then usually took her to the park or library and didn’t get back until 3/4pm.
Could you try and sell it to the granny as much needed socialisation time and look at the half way option to protect your working hours a bit more?

user3827 · 01/03/2025 16:28

Nursery under 3 is not ideal for the child , so if you have the option...

BuildbyNumbere · 01/03/2025 16:26

Who’s baby is it?? It’s your decision who cares for the child, not your mums.
Mine went 3 days at week, one from 8 months and one from 10 months as I returned to work. No long term effects and, yeah they get ill but it build a good immune system as they are rarely ill now.

Mememe9898 · 01/03/2025 16:03

How old is your baby?
I would use a nursery as it sounds like there’s too many strings attached with this set up.
You can’t focus if she keeps coming to you for a break. I get it’s tiring but that’s what she signed up for and it’s hard enforcing that when you are in the same house.
I would try and work elsewhere for short bursts so you can get the focus.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 01/03/2025 01:25

Then you have to stick with the nursery. It'll be great for the baby, socialising with little people.

3 nursery, 2 DGM.

LameBorzoi · 01/03/2025 01:23

Even if she was able to step up a bit more, it can be very hard to get work done with a kid in the house. Also, little kids get upset when they know mum is there and they can't go to her. It sounds as if nursery is better all around.

Original poster

HelloVeraPlant · 01/03/2025 01:11

Thanks for the replies. My mum is a complicated character and whilst we are amiable, we have a strange relationship for various reasons. She can be very set in her ways.

I’ve explained everything to her. I’ve told her, but in the moment, if I’m working from home she will come to me for a ‘break’. And she doesn’t seem to get the concept of working from home. She also works in the afternoon so I have to be back by a certain time and nursery allows me to do my hours. She also has stuff to do during the day sometimes so I feel it’s unfair for her to take on all the childcare when nursery is an option.

Either way, she is aware - but has a passive way of pushing her opinion. She’s spent the whole week quizzing me about the nursery and checking to see if it’s a good idea - her tone indirectly indicates she doesn’t think it’s a good idea (example, constantly asking “do you think he is big enough for nursery” or “I don’t really like nurseries”).

I’ll just have to be firm.

OP posts:

IDoWhateverItTakes · 28/02/2025 18:16

Stick with the nursery.
Your mum doesn't actually want to childmind properly, hence the not letting your work. She's just judging you for working at all by the sound of it and needing childcare. Because bills pay themselves. Not.