Partner (step parent) push my 6 yo son

He's been in your (YOUR) home six weeks - and already he's literally pushing people around.

See this as a forecast, a small trailer for what's to come - if you let him stay.

He's panicking, minimising, apologising to placate you after this first show of chest-beating. This time.

He's the adult. He's not your child's father; does he have children himself? He needs to learn how to regulate his own emotions and parent properly if you are going to do what I'm afraid you're going to do ... which is to let it go and let him stay.

If you do, we look forward to hearing from you again, with his next piece of nasty behaviour.

And as a side note - start teaching your child not to hit, and to understand that people who hit may get unexpectedly hit back, which will be useful for him to understand at school etc.

When play fighting or rough housing with small kids you let them win.

I’d kick him out.

How dare he pushes your 6yr old!!?

No one does that, REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE CHILD DOES.

Decent people don’t hurt children, they don’t act out of impulse with children.

THIS.

The boy is 6 and was in a high tension environment where his mum and a man that isn't his father, who has only lived with them for just over a month were fighting.

Grown man doesn't use his words and say "that isn't appropriate, please don't do that".

I don't understand your thinking and find it quite disturbing actually.

This would make me very uncomfortable and doubtful about the relationship, at best.

It isn’t even so much the force used as the motivation behind it. He has shown, very clearly, that your little boy will be punished for any difficulties that arise within the relationship.

I’m myself in a blended family, I couldn’t accept a man like this being around my child nor would I expect a man to accept me around their child/ren if I behaved in the same vein.

If it’s like this after 6 weeks then it won’t work, he needs tomove out

up to you if you continue to see him

I also will say you need to teach your kid to stop hitting anyone. He may have play fought with your partner before but you can see that's got to stop. Did he hit your partner because you two were arguing?

Play fighting is a huge problem.

The message is so confusing...

• he's allowed to play fight
• he's allowed to hit an adult when he is annoyed because he is smaller
• adults can't shove when they are annoyed (so your son has a get out of jail free card)
• he is not allowed to hit or playfight another child? Unclear

Nobody likes being hit, playfully or not, when they are in a mood and 6 year olds especially do not have capacity to make judgements.

Your partner was in the wrong for shoving but OMG you cannot go floating adult ideas around with them about "maybe" getting rid of him. Seriously.

Finally, I won't tell you what to do but you should absolutely think about what could happen if your kids wind him up again, especially if you aren't there.

6 weeks living together and he's pushing your son around when he gets mad when you have an argument.

He took his anger physically out on your son.

The two of you moved ahead in your relationship and it was a step too far.

Pick your kids. How could you ever trust him around your kids again?

Oh, this is NOT up to your young children to decide or get a vote on. This is for you, the adult, to deal with. Asking them was inappropriate of you.

Yeah he needs to go. Your kids won't be that bothered if he goes even of you think they will they will tell you what you want to hear.

Spot on. There are some apologists on this thread and it baffles me.__

He shouldn’t have pushed your son away from himself in anger, but you blowing up at him in front of your son likely scared your son a lot more.

Also…don’t mess with the kids emotions by asking them how they’d feel if he moved out. That is honestly so cruel. Either YOU decide you want him out or don’t. You cannot put that on your children and you cannot upset them about a situation which may not even occur if you decide not to kick him out. Honestly asking them how they’d feel if he moved out is so bizarre. You’re the adult. You decide what’s best.

Boy punches adult > adult pushes boy away > nobody is hurt and boy learns valuable life lesson

I would much prefer that option to a wet conversation about using "kind hands"

It reads to me like your partner lost his temper...I left my XH because of something exactly like this, not because he hit our child (which was bad enough) but in particular because he did it as an angry reaction to something completely innocent that the child did.

After that I just didn't trust him any more...I couldn't spend all our time together monitoring his mood to make sure he wasn't losing it with the DC.

Sadly I think you have the same choice to make. I haven't looked back by the way, life is a lot easier just me and the kids.

The word push is to subjective it covers everything from guiding the child away from you to pushing so hard it takes them off there feet
I think it’s one of them you had to be there
rather than judge of a few lines of text that can fit any narrative

You were in the middle of a disagreement, during which your son decided to 'playfully' punch him?
So, a) your son was present during adults arguing and b) your son thinks it's okay to 'playfully' punch someone out of nowhere?

Not blaming your son at all; this is on the adults in his life.

No, your partner should not have pushed him. However, unsure how I's react if I was 'play-punched' when in the middle of a 'disagreement'.

1. You are UNDER reacting. He should be gone already
2. Don't put this on your kids or tell them it's anything to do with the incident. It's too big a deal and they're not old enough to process it. So what if they think he's great the rest of the time? This is how little kids end up murdered by step dads, it starts somewhere.
3. Don't put cock before kids, honestly.

You don't see a grown man pushing a child in anger, outside of the context of a "play fight" as a huge deal???

He is an adult who can't control himself and keep certain actions to appropriate times and contexts.

A push in a fun, friendly playfight is completely different.

Wow.

They're not allowed to spar with anyone until they are 11, until then it'll be fitness, punch bags, hitting the coaches gloves etc.

Rugby is tag rugby until they are 8 I think but they tend to do some wrestling type games as a warm-up and to get them used to body contact.

Both those sports are dirt cheap too. Boxing costs us £5 per 1hr session. Rugby is about £80 per year for 2 hrs training every Sunday morning. Our club even throws in the shirt for free and recycles boots down the age groups, so they cost £1 per pair. It's awesome

Please don't involve the children in deciding whether this man should remain living with them. They are too young and should not be expected to take responsibility for decisions like this. They are saying what they think you want to hear.
You are the adult and it is your job to choose wisely.

You know what to do.

I get it that a child's reaction to such news is of course important, and to be taken in to consideration. But that would be like asking them where there has been abuse, and them being upset for the person to go, or not seeing them, it doesn't mean just because kids get upset that it would be the deciding factor in the situation.

I get it that in the heat of the moment it's like someone getting in the way you would react, when we are angry there are some of us who I think would agree you could react badly. But I think it's having that control in the situation too.