Am I being unreasonable to give birth away from the child’s father because he doesn’t want to get married?

Agree. Now her parents get to host her and the baby permanently, his child us in another country, bc she thought she was the "exception" when he told her the truth, and now she's having a massive tantrum.

Op, you are not doing your child any favors by forcing there dad to abandon them. And if something happens to you, they'll be in a poor position.

She'd be high priority for emergency housing

That's not a risk I would take in the OP's position. I wouldn't leave my dog in a lot of what passes for emergency accommodation in this country, let alone a vulnerable mother and newborn.

This is so over dramatic. If it doesn't work out with him, fly home. Would he really kick you and a baby out with no notice to the streets? I know some abusive men can do this but he doesn't sound like that, it sounds like you've jumped the gun and created major drama.

Your manipulating him to give you a share of the house.

OP, an alternative option would be to ask him to pay an upfront sum to cover your reasonable living expenses (rent, food etc) for the rest of your pregnancy and for a few months after you give birth, until you can sensibly start job hunting (assuming you can work in the UK). I think it would also be sensible to get a legally binding commitment from him to pay (or possibly get him to pay upfront if you don't trust him) a sum to cover half of your likely childcare expenses for the first few years.

I don't think you're entitled to marriage/his house, but I don't think that's what you want anyway, as opposed to some degree of financial security in a foreign country away from your family. I would make having reasonable financial security a condition of coming back, if you're prepared to consider it. He shouldn't have the power to make you homeless and destitute when you're at such a vulnerable time.

he does have the ability to fix this. He just won’t.

You silly, silly woman. So essentially you thought that getting pregnant would increase your chances of him marrying you. This sounds like blackmail, pure and simple.

She'd be high priority for emergency housing.

I highly doubt he would do that if he wants to be part of his child's life though.

It's so aggravating to see someone taking no responsibility for their own life and just crashing about leaving a trail of destruction behind them with zero fucks given about the consequences for everyone else.

Imagine receiving a text telling you that you won’t be getting to meet your newborn baby . Delivering that message by text is very heartless.

What if the OP spends money she doesn't have on a return flight to the UK and then he turns round and says to her "It's over. I want you out". What is she meant to do then?

She has left him. Because he hasn't changed his mind about giving her a share in his house.

The relationship either has failed or is already failing. Assuming she can live with him indefinitely is not a sensible option for the OP.

The only sensible course of action is to plan for being a single parent either where she is or in the UK.

No point sticking the boot in now about past (stupid) decisions made. That sounds like the right one for you now.

No we don’t. But when weighing up what is in the best interest of the child … mums home country versus uk it should be taken into account.

The only person taking this child away from their parent is the OP.

We don't take kids from parents for being poor.

Even marriage doesn't always mean that you'll be in a great position post split as many threads on here would attest.

Half of what may be not that much equity for a deposit & you need to be earning well enough for a mortgage should you wish.

The op does not have a house in her own country, any savings or a long term job (she mentions part time job but must be very new) so probably no income during maternity leave. She hardly seems in a great position to bring up a child whereas the dad seems to have financial stability.

She has to put her baby first, you are 100% right there.

How is alienating it from its dad (someone who has shown himself to be a good dad) putting it first?

I don't know where you're getting all this stuff from.

Her baby's dad made it very clear that he did not want to get married or put her on the deeds to his house.

She decided to go ahead and TTC with him anyway. The baby was planned by both of them.

Now she's pregnant and he hasn't changed his mind about getting married or putting her on the deeds to his house, she's gone off to have her baby on the other side of the world where he or she will be unable to have any kind of meaningful relationship with their father or paternal family.

She did not need to do this. She is the one who ended the relationship. She did have somewhere to live: his house. The same place she was living until recently. Whilst he technically could have thrown her out of it and made her homeless, there is absolutely no indication that that is what he was planning. And if he had done so, she would be homeless and pregnant or homeless with a newborn, and considered high priority for emergency housing. But that scenario seems very unlikely. What is much more likely is that she could have continued to live with him and as soon as she was able to go back to work she could have started saving.

From his point of view, he made it clear that he didn't want her to own any part of his house and wouldn't be getting married or putting her on the deeds, and she said, "OK, let's TTC anyway." Now she is pregnant she's decided to raise their baby on the other side of the world and he won't get to see them grow up.

From her point of view, she took a gamble that he would change his mind about the house thing, the gamble didn't pay off, but what has she lost? Nothing, really. She's got her baby and someone else putting roof over head.

She admits in her own posts that she has done a shitty thing by depriving her baby of a father and her baby's father of a relationship with his child, but she's decided to put herself first. Not her baby. Herself.

Only in mumsnet could you find people rushing to defend a woman who has openly admitted to using her unborn child to blackmail the child’s father. Unbelievable!

You are making some mighty assumptions about the dad.

As far as we know the OP would be happy to return to him if he puts her on the deeds to his home. Why would she be happy to return to a dead end relationship or a bad dad?

She has explicitly told us he is a GREAT father. And his children who are co-parented by him are amazing kids.

Your narrative of a feckless man who would have her out in the streets is not supported by what the OP herself has told us.

Why is it only the Ops support network that is taken into account. Why not his? Op could easily hand baby over to dad. She would find it much easier to work etc with no child care problems. She won't do that though because she understands how utterly devastating it is to be separated from your child. It's just that she would rather that happened to him than her.

There is a very solid reason, and that is that she has to put her baby first, not the father. The father has shown absolutely no willingness to work together as a family, and the relationship began to break down as soon as the OP became pregnant.

There would be a very real chance of him throwing the OP out of his house while she is either heavily pregnant or caring for a newborn. She would be unemployable, and possibly not have any recourse to state support.

By returning to her home country, where she will have support and perhaps a better chance of returning to work with that support, OP is taking responsibility for herself and her baby.

There is no reason why the father should get to wash his hands of his responsibilities to his baby and then get to demand that the OP hangs around and does what she’s told.

OP, I hope you make a decision which is best for you and the baby and are able to protect your best interests as the dad is doing.

I didn't say she's thrown him out.

And she would go back to him if he did as he was told.

She clearly stated -

"He knows what he has to do"

Which is quite chillingly controlling.

He hasn't thrown her out. She has stropped off to the other side of the world because he won't give her half his house and now her baby won't get to have a relationship with their father or paternal family.