Am I being unreasonable to give birth away from the child’s father because he doesn’t want to get married?

Op has gone from one place where she had partner support and someone willing to house her and support her. To another place where she has family support and someone willing to house and support her. In both situations it is entirely possible that the support and housing is removed.

Deliberately conceiving a child knowing you have no personal money or job is irresponsible.

Absolutely. Op should have stayed and kept the dialogue open to negotiate what the support could have looked like. But her line in the sand was marriage/half the house... Unless she gets that she refuses to allow her child a relationship with it's dad and siblings.

Good decision. Stay where you are.
Forget about him and put this baby first.
Stay where you and the baby will be supported.
Give the baby your name alone.

It absolutely is not, and even she acknowledges that. The gist of her OP is, AIBU to put myself first and my child second?

The OP absolutely is putting her child first. This is what putting her child first looks like.

Yeah, her plan is still "someone else will house me".

Like it was in the UK.

"Just so it can have a relationship with its father"?

Er, yes. This is not a small thing.

The OP is a mother now, she needs to start putting her child first.

So she should stay in the UK, with no family support and risk ending up in a position where she is carrying 100% of all the costs of raising a child just so it can have a relationship with its father? Maybe, if he fancies it and it doesn't disadvantage his other children too much.

Yeah, no, I don't think so. It's about time women stopped picking up the slack for men.

She has a plan. It involves staying in her home country where she has secure housing and family support. The basics really when you are raising a child.

Again he doesn’t need to sign over half his house. There are other ways to divide it which (baby and her insecure housing position aside) is also only fair after all (!) since she has been contributing to the mortgage and bills.

Oh but the man needs all of yours? When he could quite easily chose to fix this just by being a decent father / partner?
Sure blame the woman for just wanting some security and committment .

You’re working OT for the patriarchy here. Lord only knows why.

So why did she get pregnant on the other side of the world then?

Except there is nothing to suggest he wasn't offering it to his third child. There is a vast difference between offering financial support and security to his children and signing over half his house to the OP.

A job is only part of the financial picture for women. Cast-iron childcare is the other part.

Having family support with raising a child is invaluable. You really can't put a price on it, it would be massively expensive to replicate.

I wouldn't worry, there are less and less of them. Eventually, governments and the patriarchy will be back to insisting that women have babies whether or not they want them.

This is in response to women choosing not to have babies lol.

Obviously not. My point is that, because she is so far away, he cannot, practically, do anything to do with this baby, 50/50. He also has his first 2 children to care for and appears to step up for them. I would love to hear his side of this story. As the OP has now admitted that her intent was to blackmail him, I'm beginning to doubt the truthful accuracy of hers.

People also hate that because women having strong boundaries and self worth and education means they have higher standards.

I hope you don’t include op in that group of women! 😂

I’m with you there. It could never be me, but then that is a reason why the birth rate is dropping so much. People also hate that because women having strong boundaries and self worth and education means they have higher standards.

Again you ignore the points in my previous posts. What if she suffers from birth complications and needs support? What if she faces maternity discrimination. What if her partner is not supportive wrt nursery, collecting child when he/she is ill and get job suffers for it? She is very likely to be primary parents since most dads are called great just for smiling at their baby.

It is my opinion that if he wants a relationship with his child he would ensure the mother is not shouldering all the risk. It is sad if the child misses out because OP or her ex partner will not make efforts to see each other but they still could even separated living in different countries.

What is wrong with these women who insist on having a baby at all costs? What is wrong with head over heart for a change?

So her child doesn't get a relationship with their father because she's decided to put herself first.

Yes.

That's what people are criticising her for.

She could, of course, stay in the UK and get a job like most people do.

She should have but she did not. Now she has to work with what she has. That should not mean making herself financially unstable. She should not be the only one to shoulder the risk.

Of course she's allowed to say, "No, that doesn't work for me" and go back to her home country.

But she should have done that before getting pregnant.

The problem is that she got pregnant regardless and now she has fucked up several people's lives.

lol how can you possibly know that?
Funny hie meh are always allowed to look out for themselves but woman are not. Just because you or other women are prepared to accept less does not mean the OP should. Women are allowed to say “no actually that won’t work for me”.

What if she has birth injuries or becomes disabled giving bürg or faces maternity discrimination or struggles with employment if he does not pull his weight. Still even now women take on a greater domestic load in relationships and are expected to get nothing for any extra labour. More and more women are saying no to this. No way should OP settle for no security for the father and stay with him. If he cared he could have come back with a counter offer right? But no he expects her to shoulder all the risk because so many women are still suckers and have no sense of self preservation.

Women must look out for their financial security. They are most likely to be in poverty and their children too.