Am I being unreasonable to give birth away from the child’s father because he doesn’t want to get married?

This! Has anyone watched Life take Two on YouTube? This woman was left with nothing and several children to take care off. Even marriage won’t fully protect you in all cases. But most of the time women as primary carers are left picking up the pieces. After her ex left he didn’t even stay in contact with his kids and he was a great dad 🙄

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She's literally admitting that her child is not her priority because she has chosen to put herself first.

The child's father and half siblings ARE their family. Closer family than the extended family that the OP has gone back to.

There was no question of the OP being homeless, this is pure hyperbole.

I also reckon her partner might have been more open to the idea of marriage and shared home ownership if she was bringing literally anything to the table. How on earth did she have so little to show for her time in the UK that she wiped out her savings on a hotel and a plane ticket? Would you marry someone so financially irresponsible? I wouldn't.

People having it worse will never be a reason I do anything not the way I would give advice. Many women put themselves and therefore their children in the worst of positions following this type of advice. Many women are conditioned to be suckers and that is sad but I would never recommend that to anyone. OP please make sure you get the best support you can for you and your baby.

After a break up many fathers choose not to see their children even when they see their other kids. Many fathers choose not to support their children or certain children. If the mother does not have her finances in check and a support system is the kids who suffer. One of the best thing a woman can do for her children is to be financially secure and have a great support system.

OP was wrong to have a baby with a man who would not marry her or support her in the way she wanted but she does not have to make a bad situation worse. Her priority should be support for herself (during pregnancy) and her child.

It’s much better for the child for OP to stay with her family where she will have security and help. No child benefits from having a homeless mother.

If the dad cares about a relationship with his child he has the power/ choice to make that happen.

Sorry, but the OP being better supported is not more important than her child's right to have a relationship with both parents.

Plenty of women raise children with no support whatsoever, in far worse circumstances than the OP's. The OP had a partner and a perfectly adequate roof over her head. She was being supported well enough to feel confident trying for a baby with this man despite having almost no money in the bank and no ring on her finger. She's just having a strop because her attempt at blackmail hasn't worked.

She should put her big girl pants on, come back, try to fix the situation with her partner, and in the long term work on getting a job, saving money and building a better support network in the UK if she feels she doesn't have one.

What is happening now is that she is having this man's baby and so she should own the consequences of her stupid decisions and return to the UK so her child can have a relationship with both their parents.

The time to say, "If you won't marry me I'm going back to Australia" was before having unprotected sex.

I don't know how often I repeat it but making sure you are supported is important for your future child. She should not be the one taking all the risk. Also statistically mothers are more likely to be the primary parents. Also standards of great fathers is generally lower than for even the average mother. OP protecting herself financially and with a support system is very important for both her and her child.

Should have, could have, would have. I deal with what is happening now. That is where my advice comes from.

She should have thought about that before she TTC.

She's basically said, "marry me or put me on the deeds to your house or you'll never see your unborn child".

That is an appalling, despicable thing to do to someone.

He has been straight with her from the outset. Maybe they could have made some sort of arrangement to give the OP some protection but she didn't hang around long enough to find out.

She acknowledges in her posts that he is a great dad to his existing children, that he can't move to her country because of his existing children so her choosing to move there means he won't have much if any relationship with his unborn baby, that what she is doing is effectively blackmail, and that she is prioritising her own interests over those of all three children involved.

It sounds to me like he's a much better parent than she is likely to be and that by skipping the country she's depriving her child of a relationship with their only parent who actually understands that when you have children you put their needs before your wants.

I would never TTC in a foreign country with a man from that country unless I was prepared to stay there until my children were grown up.

Raising a child is the consequence lol. Even in a relationship statistically she would be shouldering the biggest burden and being primary carer.

*Edit - I think it is reasonable to expect support and plan to be supported if having a baby. You are putting your health and earning ability at risk. It would be very foolish unless you are very rich to not think about your support systems.

The primary carer needs to have support during and after the birth along with nursery etc etc. Ideally both parties should facilitate this but no woman should have to take on all the risks of pregnancy, birth, motherhood penalty etc etc alone. OP was in a risky position before and now is more stable which is important for the baby. Sharing risk should not be extortion. He should have made an offer for OP to keep her secure. As he was not supportive during her pregnancy and as far as we know offered no counters for security he is as much to blame as OP.

Her ex partner is the one who shouldn't have had a child with the OP. She's messed up his life and her unborn child's but she'll suffer no consequences and take no responsibility herself.

I wonder when she will stop expecting other adults to support her.

Correct, OP should have stuck to her guns and not have a child with someone who did not share her values. However she has and I do not think she should give into the Sunken Cost Fallacy now. If she is keeping the baby she is better off which the most support she can get.

I'm placing value on an unborn child who deserves to have a relationship with both their parents and not used as collateral by one parent to extort money from the other.

I have way more respect for someone who has clear boundaries they are honest and open about than I do for people who don’t accept other people’s boundaries and use their unborn child as a blackmail tool to try and change things.

Some posters really do place the most ultimate value on the most useless and selfish of men.

I only hope you all have better standards for yourselves than you preach to other women

By giving the OP half his house?

And then she flounces off again in another year or two only this time he has to sell his house and give her half the proceeds and he no longer has anywhere to house his existing children?

Or how about the OP grows up, takes some responsibility for her own life and the choices she has made, returns to the UK and gets a job so that three children who didn't ask to be born can enjoy a stable life and a relationship with both their parents?

But this was the situation all along. And the op was perfectly happy and willing to convince a child with him, in spite of this being his stance

The father never misled op...he made how he felt about marriage ect clear and they still chose to have a baby together.

Op is unreasonable in that she has now decided this doesnt suit her, so her baby does not get the benefit of having their father in their life since she's stropped off to the other side of the world

OP’s partner is the one who has the power to ensure child sees mother and father. But he’s choosing not to. By refusing to offer OP any kind of commitment or security, if she returns to the UK to give birth she will be vulnerable to being left in a situation where she is 1) homeless, 2) unable to care for her child , and 3) unable to leave the country without abandoning her child. She would be utterly reckless to choose that.

You were unreasonable for deciding to have a child with this man.

You would not be unreasonable to go where the family support is.

Where does she say “half the house” please? Because I don’t see that anywhere.

(Also given he is asking her to live as a foreigner and raise his baby here where she has no family or financial security, marriage isn’t remotely unreasonable. No idea at all why you think it is).

And so her child gets no relationship with their father?

This is a harsh judgement but it seems accurate. To deny the father being with the child, by moving abroad, is harsh. Now OP has entered in to this pregnancy, she should stay where she can rely on help and learn to support herself and her child going forward.