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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to give birth away from the child’s father because he doesn’t want to get married?

557 replies

Donesomethingsilly · 28/02/2025 02:30

My partner has two children to a previous relationship, we have been together for a while. We have discussed getting married but he was reluctant as he wants to protect himself financially. I understood that, and took a risk and decided to have a child with him as we had a great relationship. Since getting pregnant it’s been rocky. I’m not a uk citizen, my family is on the other side of the world. I’m with family at the moment as I needed to get away. Am I being unreasonable to stay here and have the child with my support system around me? He can’t move here, or even visit because he has his children. I feel stuck between doing the right thing for all the children involved, or the right thing for myself.

OP posts:
Avoidingsleep · 28/02/2025 02:59

You are being very unreasonable to demand marriage, you knew his terms before you decided to have a child with him.

You sound like you are either using your unborn child to get citizenship or to control him.

If your support system is so strong they will be there IF your relationship falls apart. That IF will become a WHEN if you decide to keep him from his child.

It’s not bad to need your support system around you, can a family member come over to support you around the birth and for a bit after? That way you have extra support.

Thornybush · 28/02/2025 02:59

Stay where you are with your support network. You'll need it. It's your choice. He can visit if he wishes.

RawBloomers · 28/02/2025 02:58

Donesomethingsilly · 28/02/2025 02:42

Yes, but it’s not the being married that’s the issue, more the being homeless if we split.

so you’re just coming to terms with the reality of the risk you took in getting pregnant unmarried?

It does put you in a precarious position. If you’re getting cold feet about it I think that’s understandable. A huge shame you didn’t realize before you got pregnant but not much ch you can do about that now. It’s not fair on him, but the alternative isn’t fair on you. You need to be pretty sure about it though.

Bigcat25 · 28/02/2025 02:56

So if you split, move home, or discuss him being willing to provide you with emergency funds in the event of a split. Do you have any income?

Original poster
Donesomethingsilly · 28/02/2025 02:42

Yes, but it’s not the being married that’s the issue, more the being homeless if we split.

OP posts:
RawBloomers · 28/02/2025 02:41

There’s nothing inherently wrong with choosing to have a baby where your support system is. But it seems like a choice to separate from your partner or at least open up that as a strong possibility. Is that what you intend when you say to choose what will be best for you?

GaspingGekko · 28/02/2025 02:39

So you knew he didn't want to get married, decided to have a baby with him and now you're angry at him for not wanting to get married?

And you want to keep your child in a place he can't come to because he was vlear in marriage and hasn't changed his mind?

Yes, you're being unreasonable.