Am I being unreasonable to give birth away from the child’s father because he doesn’t want to get married?

Because the financial impact of splitting with the child's father if she stays in the UK having given birth to the child in the UK (and no longer being able to go home to her support network) far outweighs the loss of maternity pay.

For example - she will be stuck in a country where her earning potential may be limited more than in her home country. She will not have an emotional or childcare support network so childcare costs will be higher. She won't be able to afford to rent sufficient housing so I assume she is on minimum wage. She may not be entitled to benefits, depending on how long she's been here and where her home country is.

'I did work, and had emergency funds but used that up staying in a hotel and then my flight home.'

So you gave up your job when pregnant which means you won't get maternity pay? Why do that? How are you going to live?

Give birth in your home country - you don't need to make any big decisions now or in the first year of the child's life, except the one that will give you the most options to defer the decision making.

The decision to have the baby and nurse the baby close to your support network in your home country is the wisest one, since the baby's father has not given you any security that he will provide and continue to provide you with support should things break down in the relationship. You in particular need the security of marriage given that you are not a national of the father's country - the way you went about trying to get married was not the best but your intentions were correct. He has refused you that security so you now need to do what is best for you.

What is best for you (and the baby) is to have the baby in your home country and ensure it is a resident of that country so that you are not "stuck" and vulnerable to abuse and poverty in the father's country. If the father had truly wanted to ensure the mother of his child stayed in his country to have the baby, he should have provided you with the security to make the decision to stay less risky for you. He has not, so you need to think logically rather than emotionally now. You are making the right choice.

If things improve later down the line, there will always be the possibility to return to the UK but that's a decision you can defer for now.

The most important thing to children is stability.

If neither of you can commit fully to being a fully functioning family unit, it's better to raise a child with stable family support avaliable.

If he's unwilling to wholeheartedly commit to family life with OP and already has split commitments with his existing family, then the odds of him being a fully involved father in the event of a relationship breakdown are not favourable. If he's not prepared to risk his assets by marriage, then he should not have conceived a child which is the ultimate ongoing commitment that can not be undone.

The situation is messy and careful consideration of the parents' responsibilities (and rights) and how the child will be permenantly affected by them needs to be weighed up.

If he was married to OP, he'd automatically have the right (and ongoing responsibilities) to be registered on a British birth certificate. As an unmarried father, he needs to be present to be registered on the birth certificate in the UK.

That’s not accurate though. She says they both planned for the baby (unwise but it’s done now) but the blackmail seems to come into it at the point that he has continued to refuse to marry her so she has said she will take the child and live in her home country. She has every right to do this just as he has every right to say no to marriage.

I'd stay where you are if you have good support there. The problem with bi-cultural relationships is that if the marriage breaks up, you are stuck in a place you have no support network and can't go home. If you don't see the relationship working out you're better off getting out now. I have seen it further down the track when a wife is in her husband's county with three young kids, they split, and that's it, she's there for good and the primary carer. No grandparents to help out, no way of returning home (and of course the ex gets a new partner as he's only a part time dad so there's that to deal with, too.)

There’s a big difference between that and expecting to own half the house. He paid the deposit on the house and the mortgage for probably many years.
I feel sorry for him.

Is this a genuine post?

You’ve been with your partner for 3 years, ask him to marry you, he says no so you blackmailed him into having a baby?

When blackmailing him into this child, you demand to be put on his house to own 50%?

This is the worst scenario to bring a child into. How selfish.

Stay where you are.

Then I think you need to protect your own interests in the way he is protecting his.

How long have you been together? Was the baby planned by both of you? When you say you took a risk to get pregnant, did he know about this or did he think you were on contraception?

So you want to marry him just so you can divorce him and get some of his money?

Yeah, no wonder he doesn't want to marry you.

Having a baby with him was a bad idea.

If your relationship isn’t committed and you can’t afford to support yourself here then I think you are doing the right thing despite the grief you are getting here.

Your partner is choosing to protect himself financially by not marrying you but you can protect your parental responsibility for your unborn child (and therefore your freedom of movement once child is born) by not naming him on the birth certificate if baby is born in the uk. If you chose to have the baby in the uk and you put him on the birth certificate, he might never give you permission to go home. He doesn’t need to be on the birth certificate to be required to pay maintenance.

What you will need to do if you wish to stay in your home country is get some immigration/legal advice relating to both countries about yours and baby’s citizenship and where you and child can legally reside in all eventualities.

If you don't think the relationship is going to work, why are you so desperate to marry him?

It appears they both decided she get pregnant: he chose to conceive a child. He, also, should’ve been aware of the risks of conceiving a child with someone whose family was abroad, and to whom he was unwilling to make any legal or financial commitment. It sounds like a child was conceived without these things being properly considered, discussed or agreed.

Not the greatest start to be born with parents on either side of the world. But worse things have happened and not damaging or insurmountable if finances allow. A friend of mine has a son who lives with his mother in another continent and has probably spent more quality time with him than some fathers who’ve always lived with their kids. But he has no other children.

Well he won’t be on the birth certificate if child’s born away from him. I don’t think it’s fair to expect support for a baby that has been taken away from him. He might still choose to support but you should plan on the basis of getting nothing.

Stay with parents and concentrate on your baby

he probably won’t marry you but will support his child.

good luck

What makes you think you should be entitled to 50% of his house? Are you paying him 50% of the equity currently in it and are you going to start paying 50% of the mortgage?

I think she’s well aware of that hence why she wants to give birth in her own country. Once the child’s born she can’t then choose to move there. But that decision might be what’s best for her but is it best for the child, actively depriving them of a father.