Am I being unreasonable to give birth away from the child’s father because he doesn’t want to get married?

But to be fair baby will probably grow up much more happily with a strong support network for mum and I’m sure you can work out a way for dad to be involved somehow

Good. You don't want to birth your child in a country in which you have (potentially) no support and then maybe get stuck there if the relationship ends.

At the moment OP you need to look after you. Being with your family and support network seems to be more than you had with your partner. Your partner wasn’t keen to entertain marriage for a 2nd time…fine his choice, but it leaves you in an extremely vulnerable position if you return to him, he kicks you out etc etc, it’s all been written upthread. If it were me I’d definitely stay when you currently are, have the baby as you have family and support. I do wonder how committed to you & this new child, yr partner genuinely is. Good luck.

I don’t think anyone was saying it’s selfish of her to stay with her support system. I think a few people were saying it was selfish of her to get pregnant in the hopes that a baby would force her partner into marriage and giving her half of his house.

in her own words she took a risk. It backfired and now there is a child who will grow up without its father.

I personally would also not give half of my house to anyone because it will be inheritance for my children. I can’t blame her partner for refusing to hand over half of something that allows him to house his children now and may well represent the majority of his financial contribution towards his adult children. By getting married he’d also risk disinheriting his children or even losing their current home so I can see why he didn’t want to do that either.

Yes OP should stay where she is and bring up her child alone but it was a silly thing to do without her own financial stability and now everyone will pay for it.

OP, as a single mum myself with the father in another country (albeit he was the one who left), prioritise your support network and legal rights.

The father has his other children to look after and wasn't supportive so far so you'll be very alone here when the baby arrives and he could stop you leaving with your baby.

It's a difficult situation but he can't guarantee you the support you'll need physically and financially.

My baby has a very stable support network with my parents and is a very happy child.

Relationships break down for all sorts of reasons. Ignore the people finger waggling because you didn't get married first (as if this guarantees anything, given the rates of divorce...)

You only had the price of a hotel for one night and a flight, when you left. Why should you get half of what's his (and his 2 kids)?

Sounds like your grotesque blackmail plan hasn't worked out. What a shame.

This. Poor kid.

He does not want to get married, it sounds as if you were not independently financially secure during this relationship, and you got pregnant knowing all this. Even if he agrees to marry you now the relationship is likely to fail. I would stay where you are and build a life with a supportive family around you. If it true what you have said that you could not afford a bedsit if you return then really you have no other option.

Do what is best for you. If you are without a support system with a newborn, or actually, a child of any age, it won't be great for your child. He's made his choice already and it isn't you or your child.

And as the PP has said, if you have the baby in the UK, you won't be allowed to leave to go home with the baby. You'll be stuck there, probably forever, regardless of what happens with your (ex) partner.

No, you are not being unreasonable. I would expect this to end your relationship though. I would want to give birth in your home country. If the relationship does fail you could end up stuck in the UK with no money and no support, unable to leave with your child.

Well, he doesn't have to marry, be with them or provide for them, but then the OP is hardly going to return to the UK and live on the streets, is she? She's pregnant and having a baby, she needs stability and support.

This. He was honest and you still chose to get pregnant and are now playing games. Why would he want to marry or be with somebody who does that?

You are getting some ridiculous replies here. You must stay where you are as the support you and your child will get is more than you’ll get in the UK. It isn’t selfish to do this- it’s necessary. It is the only option you’ve been given by your partner. And you aren’t in the wrong for wanting to get married. It’s understandable and sensible to want legal and financial protection when having a child. And just as he has the choice not to marry you so he can keep all his money for himself you also have a choice about your life. It sounds as though you know you have a miserable future in the UK. Congratulations on your baby and enjoy raising him/ her with your family and support network

Nor are they a bargaining chip to get what you want.

Read her posts. They planned the baby. She wanted to get married but he didn’t because he wanted to protect his money. It now seems as though the relationship will end. If she stays in the UK she will be financially fucked. As he knew she would be without spousal support

I am struggling to see how things have changed so drastically in half a year since you decided to get pregnant that the relationship has totally broken down

Abusive behaviour often starts during pregnancy.

I don’t know what country they are in but as they aren’t married it’s very unlikely she can put him in the birth certificate without him being there or going somewhere to register as being the father/accept the responsibility.
You can’t just tell a child maintenance service that someone is the father and they just accept it and take the money.

Indeed. If the father steps up and does his share, the OP and baby could later move to the UK.

Most likely outcome is he does bugger all and is shit, in which case they can stay where they are and the OP can have family support to raise the child.

Many men start showing their true colours when their partner is pregnant/after the birth, OP, so it's not surprising that the 'honeymoon' period is over and you're seeing a different personality.

OP, you're being sensible to think about what your life and your child's life will be like if you stay in this country with limited resources, as opposed to being with family and having their help and support. You have the option to leave the UK now, but that option might not be open to you once the baby arrives or will at least be much more expensive in terms of court applications etc. if he decides to contest it.

It sounds like the relationship is pretty much over so you need to plan on being a single parent, whichever country you are in.

That is true, but she needs to fully understand the situation before deciding and which way she decides is likely to be permanent

It depends which country the OP (and later baby) are in. The UK has some child maintenance enforcement arrangements with certain countries.

That's true, it might be very difficult to move back to the UK. But it will be almost impossible to move back home with her child if she stays and the father establishes parental responsibility.

Children aren't pay per view.

I am struggling to see how things have changed so drastically in half a year since you decided to get pregnant that the relationship has totally broken down and you can no longer support yourself on your own, but honestly you should prioritise your own stability and stay in your home country with the baby. As you rightly say if you come back you won't be able to move away again without his consent and could be making yourself destitute. Congratulations on your baby - what a mess of a decision though.

There won’t always be the possibility of moving to the uk. Unless you are a British citizen which it sounds like the op isn’t you can’t just choose to move to the uk, you need a visa and they are not easy to get.