Am I being unreasonable to give birth away from the child’s father because he doesn’t want to get married?

So you tricked him into having a baby then.

He was up front about not wanting to get married. You decided together that you would have a baby, he went ahead believing that you were in a relationship, and then as soon as you got pregnant you left him and skipped the country to be sure that he couldn’t have a relationship with said baby.

The only person in the wrong here is you. And meanwhile he, and his kids and the baby are the victims. You certainly aren’t.

I would presume that if you live in a country that is within The Hague convention he could take legal action to force you to bring the baby back to the UK once it’s born. I hope so anyway.

I certainly don’t think you should be entitled to support from him. And before people say he chose to have a baby, yes, he did. On the basis that he thought they were a family, while meanwhile the OP was clearly just using him to get pregnant.

The man is an idiot for planning a baby in this situation but I am sure he would not have planned a baby had he known op's plan was to move to her home country when pregnant and pretty much cut him out of his baby's life.

His choice now is either marry a woman he has made it clear he does not want to, or not be a part of his childs day to day life. He cannot move or frequently visit due to having children in this country.

I feel for him and I feel for baby who is now being denied the chance to have their dad involved in their life (bar the odd visit and facetime)

They are both wrong.

It seems he was honest the whole time about not wanting to get married for financial reasons. If he has already been divorced that would've been a financial hit already. He already has 2 children to support.

OP wants to get married. Pretended to accept partners choice, until she got pregnant then said marriage or 50% house.

You and your child are the priority.

It is now irrelevant how this situation arose and any rights and wrongs.

The most secure place - and hence best place in my view - for you and your baby to be is with your support network.

Stay with your family. New babies are hard work and put a strain on the best relationship, so if there is strain there already…

Once baby is settled, maybe at school you will not want to move them, so could be ‘stuck’ here if you come back and the relationship does end.

Stay with family who will support and love you!!!!!

You say you spent your savings on a hotel. Was this in the UK? Did you temporarily move out before going home?

What is your visa situation? Is it tied to employment? I’m assuming you left your UK job, as you previously said that you’ve been working PT back home—you seem to have been gone for some time. You may not have an option to return, if your visa is tied to a job and you’ve resigned. If you have to apply for a new visa, the minimum income threshold will be higher, as you now have a dependent.

Oh don't be so ridiculous @SometimesCalmPerson Of course she can expect to receive financial security from the man who has decided to have a child with her. Rather than berating the OP you might want to ask what he was thinking?

It depends what you want in the future. Are you planning to stay in your country or return to the UK (with or without the baby)? It seems your relationship with this man has broken down if you ended up in a hotel and leaving the country. Are you prepared to spend the next 18 years parenting with him? Does he even want to be involved or will he just add to the burden as you won’t be able to make some decisions about your child without his input and may end up in court.

Think about all these things and then decide where to give birth. Your child will not have British citizenship if you give birth abroad, so that could be a good or a bad thing depending on how you see the future.

Have you asked him? The way you describe this it seems he wants and has always wanted you as a live in girlfriend not a real partner who he’d want to be ok after he dies, or mum of his biological child.
if this is correct you might be better off with your family in your birth country.

This is an awful situation OP, how could you be so selfish? You get pregnant on the basis on one agreement and as soon as there’s a little blue line you’re blackmailing your partner for his money. Disgusting behaviour. He and especially his children deserve much better than someone who will do what you have done.

If he has lived in the house for many years I don’t blame him for not wanting to add you to the deeds after 3yrs of contributing.

I think it's extremely fair. Having unprotected sex leads to babies - he well knew that when he conceived the child. When you make babies, you might be asked to support them. He also knew that.

My advice to men who don't want their child taken to another country and raised without them would be don't deliberately conceive a child with a foreign national, and then proceed to make said foreign national feel emotionally, legally, and financially insecure to the point where she feels she needs to leave the country

Stay with your parents, have your child, forget the relationship

This is absolutely awful in my opinion! You knew exactly what you were doing and are now taking a child away from their father to suit yourself.

You are an example of how wrong this "a child must be with its mother, a mother can do what she likes" shite narrative that exists!

I've seen this exact situation play out in real and it was horrendous! Absolutely awful!!!! 10 years later the child is going from one side of the world to the other trying to have a relationship with both parents, and is heart broken over constantly having to see one over facetime.

People keep saying they ‘planned’ to have a baby together. Other than deciding to have sex and not use contraception, I can’t see that any ‘planning’ whatsoever has gone into this decision on either side - but then we don’t actually know what the conversations between the two of you were.

Nonetheless, you are probably best to stay at home and benefit from whatever support your family can give you.

The OP has not once talked about what is in her baby's best interests.

It’s a nice change to see a man putting his current children first rather than getting into a new relationship and pouring all his energy & money into that relationship and any new children.

If it's a country she chose to move to and chose to get pregnant in despite already knowing that the father wasn't willing to get married, arguably she should suck it up.

So don’t put him on the birth certificate?

Dhed need permission from him though to move home with her child which he may not be willing to give. Genuinely, selfishly, if the relationship is done have the baby at home so your country is habitual residence. Lots of threads about people stuck in countries they don’t want to be as their ex won’t let them leave with their child.

This feels really unfair - he was upfront with you and you accepted his decision and forged ahead. Now you’re moving the goal post.

By all means discuss finances and ensure you have a little nest egg (I’d encourage ALL
women; even those married to this anyway) but depriving your child of their father and his father of a child because of a choice you made consciously is very unfair.

A whole heap of woman blaming going on here!

They chose to have a child together and unfortunately he has shown that he isn't as in love with her as she was hoping. Both of them may have behaved in ways that wouldn't be condoned by the Perfect People's Book of Perfect Behaviour & Getting It Right Every Time.

OP, look after yourself and your baby. Stay in your home country where you both have support. Take proper legal advice as well, and try to foster good relationships between child and dad, whatever that looks like in future. Good luck :)

She's not forced to go home. She could continue living in her baby's father's house and then get a job when her maternity leave is over.

Clearly you need a bigger buffer.

I would say that he has been unwise but that OP has been manipulative. He has been honest and open about the fact that he didn't want to commit to her financially by marrying her or putting her name on the deeds of the house. They both decided to have a child in this context, except she is now trying to force his hand by blackmailing him with the baby. If the baby had been born, would people be so willing to accept that one parent can unilaterally move a child to another country and remove the other parent from the birth certificate?