Am I being unreasonable to give birth away from the child’s father because he doesn’t want to get married?

It couldn't happen that way round because only the mother can take the child away before it is born.

Why? I didn't make that claim. I said that if he's not on the birth certificate and the child is on the other side of the world it may be very difficult or even impossible for the child to ever prove their right to British citizenship. Which is completely true.

Well there we go then, he chose to have a baby with someone who had already said she wanted marriage or some of his house. He messed up too.

FWIW I own my own house as a single parent and this is not a situation I would ever plan to be in.

And yes he fucked up too.... But only by agreeing to conceive with someone who can skip out of the country with your child with no consequences. Just imagine the shoe was on the other foot.

"My Australian boyfriend has taken my newborn baby to Australia because that's where his support network is and I won't give him half my house"

He wanted the baby. It isn't the conception that trapped him. It's the threat of removing the baby from the country. The trap is - you give me half your house or you don't get a relationship with the child. Op has admitted and acknowledged this.

Before asking me new questions, you'll need to answer the one I asked first. Can you confirm your understanding that the claim 'he will need to be on the birth certificate for the child to get British citizenship' was totally wrong, and not 'to all intents and purposes correct' as you've previously said?

How was is he trapped? Is it just the woman’s responsibility to provide contraception? Did she stick holes in the condoms he was using? Or did he still sleep with her knowing there was a risk she could still get pregnant. It’s literally an 1800s mentality to say it’s the woman’s fault. They have both been irresponsible and now they both have to accept they have fucked up.

It might be her only option now but it was certainly not the best option for the other human being who she is growing

Even in this thread she said

"He knows what he has to do. He just isn't willing to."

Those are not the words of someone who can't be in a failing relationship. They are the words of someone who is trying to exert control over their partner. She would never have been homeless. She has cut her own nose off to spite her face.

She wasn't in a position where she needed to do that. She had a home and a base from which to get her ducks in a row. But she thought that issuing an ultimatum would give her marriage or half a house but her gamble didn't pay off.

The relationship has broken down because the OP has said, "If you won't give me half your house I'll take your baby away to live in Australia."

So the pregnancy was not planned by both of you? If he didn’t want to risk a pregnancy he was equally responsible for ensuring that he was using adequate contraceptive protection himself, or avoiding PIV sex altogether as no method is guaranteed to be 100% effective.

He has made it clear that he does not see you as a partner that he intends to share his life with, and he is not offering any kind of security. He has made a wise choice in not capitulating to your blackmail strategy, because it doesn’t sound as though the relationship would survive.

Having the baby in your own country with your family around you is the sensible option for you and your baby. If you were to have the baby in the UK you’d be trapped here. You can still make arrangements for visits if the baby is born in your home country, but at least you will have agency over your life and your child’s life.

I’m confused, if he had already said no to marriage and putting you on the deeds then why did you decide to have a baby with him? It seems a bit selfish to get pregnant knowing the situation but then move back to another country so he can’t see his child.

I think he’s not wrong to protect his existing children - if you split then you could get half his assets for your shared child whilst his other two children would get far less. A better option might be for your contributions to the mortgage to be ring fenced in a savings account so that you would have a deposit in the event of you splitting, or if things do work out you can pay it off the mortgage as a lump sum and be put on the deeds.

Thank goodness he didn't agree to marry you. You have been a prize manipulator.

He told you he didn't want to marry again, with good reason. You both agreed to conceive a child together in the knowledge that you'd live together as a family. Suddenly, you start demanding his assets and marriage, even when he'd told you no beforehand because you were holding out to force his hand. You didn't get what you wanted so you've skipped off to the other side of the world to suit yourself.

You already said he is a great father to his current children, so it stands to reason that you're depriving him of the chance to step up as a father but most importantly, depriving your child of having a deep and meaningful relationship with their dad. You aren't interested in what is best for your child at all. You have thrown your toys out the pram and have no care and consideration for the long term repercussions. Shame on you.

Given the relationship breakdown, unlikely to be a viable option. He may well wish to move someone else in soon.

I'm no legal expert but I believe the OP would have to apply for maintenance according to the rules of where she and the child are located and then ask the UK courts to enforce any order. It would have to be a county with which the UK has reciprocal arrangements, so it very much depends where the OP is.

There's absolutely no suggestion that she can't live with the baby's father.

The guidance doesn't seem to cover what happens if the father and child are on opposite sides of the world.

If everyone is living in the UK then either the mother can get the court to order a DNA test to enable her to claim maintenance or the father can get the court to order one so he can be added to the birth certificate and have parental responsibility.

How does it work in practice when the two people who need to establish a DNA link are on opposite sides of the world and not under the jurisdiction of the same legal system?

How is a heavily pregnant woman going to get a job when the reality is that by the time that's sorted, she'll have a newborn to care for?

Where is she supposed to live in the meantime, how is she supposed to afford food (let alone plane tickets) and how is she supposed to afford a flat?

Are you suggesting she walks into the local housing office and says "I'm pregnant, I'd like a comfortable, furnished flat, please?"

(Hollow laugh) If people could do that, there wouldn't be a housing crisis.

Lots of people on here don't seem to get what happens to destitute single parents with no childcare and no money in this country. It's far more harmful for children to live in some of the godawful conditions we expect vulnerable families to endure then to have sporadic contact with one parent.

But he didn't throw her out or ask her to leave. Despite having his financial support she decided she needed half of his house. Instead of accepting that she should work, save and create her own security whilst he was supporting her financially - she threw her toys out of the pram and left the country. And has now placed herself in the position that if she comes back she will have no where to go. She had a home. She just didn't own it... Like millions of people in the UK.

I think you've behaved appallingly. He told you he didn't want to marry or add you to the deeds. You had a plan to buy a flat and rent it out. Now you are the only one who has gone back on your words. He now has a child of which he will not be involved in. You are using him as a cash machine. It's the child you are denying a father because you went back on your decision. Awful.

Looks like we're going to be going back to the initial post then.

It was claimed that 'he will need to be on the birth certificate for the child to get British citizenship'. Do you understand that the HO guidance I linked to shows that this is entirely incorrect? If the answer to that is no, what's your explanation for the HO guidance including a way to establish British citizenship without the father being on the birth certificate?

Why inevitable homelessness?

I literally don't know anyone who assumes that they will be homeless if a man stops providing them with free housing.

Are some people posting from the 1800s?

I agree with you, but in the OP's situation, it sounds like she WILL be homeless if she stays and the relationship breaks down because she says herself she cannot afford the rent on a bedsit and she is about to have a baby, which will curtail her ability to put herself on a more secure footing. It was very unwise of her to get pregnant knowing that she only had secure housing as long as the relationship lasted. It sounds to me like she knew she was in a very insecure position before she got pregnant, but thought the relationship would probably last and it would all be alright. Now the relationship has gone wrong.

As I said, OP was very unwise to choose to have a baby outside her home country in a situation where her housing and financial security were relying on her relationship remaining good. I think most people would say that embarking on a pregnancy in these circumstances was extremely foolhardy. However, she can't go back in time and put herself in a position where she's financially independent before having a baby.

No, the OK, means "OK, can you talk us through how the child actually proves his or her British citizenship".

Why? He played his part. Men who don't want to risk pregnancy can take appropriate steps , it isn't all on women.