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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think nurseries seem depressing? Please help me narrow down

164 replies

pleaseguveadvicenotattack · 27/02/2025 19:16

Posting for traffic and help regarding nurseries.

I’ve viewed 8 now and I don’t feel comfortable really leaving my child in any of them. They all seem a bit depressing! However, given I want my child to interact with other children I’ll overlook my concerns as this is my priority. I will also need it likely only 2-3 days a week.

This first nursery has a lot going for it. It has an "Outstanding" Ofsted rating and is owned by an ex-headteacher. It celebrates different cultural events, which is important to me, with events like Chinese New Year and Ramadan. They also have parent Saturdays and family days, which is a nice touch. I haven't seen this level of inclusivity at other nurseries and my child being mixed race in an overwhelming white area, these inclusions even if only on a small level, are somewhat important to me. They seem to offer a tailored childcare approach with twice-daily outdoor time and onsite cook and encourage light risk play which I think is important.

However, I do have a couple of concerns. Firstly, there's no dedicated sleep area, and I saw a child sleeping on their front. This worries me a bit, although the child did seem older (over 1 years old), unlike another nursery I viewed which had a supervised child at 8 months on their front which immediately put me off (I don’t know if I’m being silly!) Secondly, the nursery felt a bit cold and clinical.

The second nursery has a "Good" Ofsted rating. The children seemed happy and there was a generally good vibe. However, there was a smell at the entrance, mold in the baby room, a staff member I wasn't sure about (he appeared quite dopey and all of the staff seemed very young and inexperienced), and an overflowing skip outside. The Ofsted report also mentioned they need to improve consistency of support and encourage independence.

The third nursery has a bright and airy environment, focuses on learning, and has an onsite cook. It seems like there would be lots of interaction for older children and it did seem lively for older children. It had the most inviting and clean atmosphere and the staff seemed switched on and mature. However, there's a long waitlist which is also a good sign I guess - my child would be 1.5 years old before being able to go which is longer than I hoped, and the location is slightly more inconvenient. They haven’t had an Ofsted visit since 2019.

Which nursery would you choose and why?

Have you had any experiences with nurseries like these that you can share?

Any advice appreciated.

OP posts:

Parker231 · 27/02/2025 21:14

NuffSaidSam · 27/02/2025 21:01

Of course some nurseries are better than others, but it's still depressing to have small babies spend the majority of their time in one or two rooms, being looked after as part of a bigger group, by a team of child carers. It's hard to admit because it's the way our culture is structured, but be all know it's not ideal for any child.

Show quote history

DT’s nursery was a 1:2 ratio for babies - same as they would get at home. There were multiple rooms and outdoor space together with daily outings. All the staff were well qualified - degrees in child development, nursing, teaching and the majority older than me. Two of them became our babysitters.
I wanted to return to work and we had our names down at our preferred nursery whilst I was still pregnant.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 27/02/2025 21:11

My eldest was full time in a nursery. With the next I was a full time Mum. I felt guilty as a working mother but I also felt guilty as a SAHM. DC2 spent so much time being dragged around the place, school runs, hanging around at an activity for an hour, doctor or dentist appointments. I did interact of course but there were occasions when they were shoved in front of TV so I could get the dinner on or shooed away because I needed to help DC1 with homework. I feel that most childminders are a bit like this too, baby just slots into their lives and isn't priority. A nursery is a much more fun environment, i dont think they are depressing. It depends too on the child, some love toys and constant socialising whereas some would be happy to just potter quietly around the kitchen with Mum.

OrangeSlices998 · 27/02/2025 21:08

Gently you’re being a bit precious about the front sleeping. Most kids by the time they start nursery can roll back and forth so it’s safe for them to sleep on their front if they can get themselves into that position.

No nursery I’ve worked in or sent my kids to has had a dedicated sleep space. In the baby room the cots were in the room, so they were supervised and (for my two) meant they could sleep well even with noise! In the toddler room they slept on mats with blankets and again always slept well.

The first nursery sounds lovely, culture and inclusivity are very important.

PeloMom · 27/02/2025 21:07

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 27/02/2025 19:28

At our nursery the children slept on mats they laid out on the floor. I was worried how it would work but it really helped get my kids used to sleeping anywhere. I wouldn't let that put you off option 1 but no one online can make a better judgement than your gut instinct.

This is very common where I am. At the scheduled time for naps the mats are taken out, lights off and the kids sleep with at least one teacher in the room.

Umbrellah · 27/02/2025 21:07

I am very confused why the sole reason for sending a child to nursery is for “socialising”. Do you not have any playgroups or libraries or parks or even supermarkets near you where other children are around? You don’t just need to go to a nursery (especially one you don’t like!) to socialise? Baffled.

Original poster

pleaseguveadvicenotattack · 27/02/2025 21:07

@LavenderBlue19 I have one more tomorrow to look at and then I'm burned out to be honest! I think I will make a decision and likely put a deposit on 1 and 3

OP posts:

Original poster

pleaseguveadvicenotattack · 27/02/2025 21:06

@Butterfly1947 what was wrong with the son being the admin?!

OP posts:

Nottodaythankyou123 · 27/02/2025 21:05

pleaseguveadvicenotattack · 27/02/2025 21:02

I'm glad it's not just me that values inclusivity!!

I'm less concerned about the sleep based on other posters.

Although I ruled one nursery out due to also seeing a baby on their stomach but the child was 8 months as I asked. And what concerned me more was that they were in a sleep room alone being supervised so it's not like no one saw it

Show quote history

But even an 8 month old could roll onto their stomach, so I’m really not sure that’s a concern.

My youngest started rolling at 3 months and has consistently slept on her stomach since then, regardless of how much I put her on her back!

I just found I got a vibe when I found the right nursery, I can’t explain it but it just gave me a good feeling and I almost immediately knew I’d be comfortable sending them there.

Original poster

pleaseguveadvicenotattack · 27/02/2025 21:05

S18 · 27/02/2025 20:05

I’d go on the waiting list for 3 if you have time to wait, if not then 1.

I live in an area that seems to have nurseries everywhere and I viewed 20+. The one I initially chose seemed great and had an outstanding ofstead report but was awful by the time child actually started and I removed him immediately and it was closed down shortly afterwards. The main things I’d look out for is cleanliness, safety measures (gates, pick up procedure etc). And most importantly how the staff interact with you/your child/ vibe you get.

This is a fair point and the two that are top of the list are the only ones that asked me for ID. Interesting...

OP posts:

Original poster

pleaseguveadvicenotattack · 27/02/2025 21:04

TheNameisNOTZiggy · 27/02/2025 19:47

Ah. Yes. Depressing nurseries.
We had this 12 years ago.
In the end we found a childminder. I just could not get my head around my child being in a nursery.

He started nursery at 2yo. As did our 2nd child.

Worked for us anyway.

Are their childminders where you are?
Or how about nanny shares with a space?

I don't like the idea of childminders. And I live in a crap area I just know I won't be happy with them.

OP posts:

luckylavender · 27/02/2025 21:03

SchoolDilemma17 · 27/02/2025 19:28

Choose a childminder. Nurseries are depressing for children under 3

That's quite judgemental. I chose a nursery for DC deliberately. Never regretted my decision.

Autumn1990 · 27/02/2025 21:03

school nurseries and preschools take from 2 where I live and they don’t have to be potty trained. Mine stayed at home until then. I didn’t fancy the local nurseries or childminders

Original poster

pleaseguveadvicenotattack · 27/02/2025 21:02

mindutopia · 27/02/2025 19:36

The first one sounds great. I’m not sure most nurseries have a dedicated sleeping area except for babies. Ours just whipped the mats out on the floor for naps. In the summer, they’d do the same in the garden underneath the big shady oak tree. So much better than just shoving them in a room. The only nursery we saw with a separate sleeping room was draconian. Windowless dark room and they were put in there at dedicated nap times and checked every 20 minutes. No thanks! Very happy for mine to sleep on a mat with a staff member in the room falling asleep to a story.

Most children sleep on their fronts. From 1, certainly totally fine. Mine were at home from probably 8 months. It all sounds great and I too would want that level of inclusivity.

Edited

I'm glad it's not just me that values inclusivity!!

I'm less concerned about the sleep based on other posters.

OP posts:

NuffSaidSam · 27/02/2025 21:01

Parker231 · 27/02/2025 20:52

Not all nurseries are the same. DT’s went full time from six months old and their nursery and the staff were amazing.

Show quote history

Original poster

pleaseguveadvicenotattack · 27/02/2025 21:00

Brickiscool · 27/02/2025 19:33

When looking at nurseries try to chat to the staff and see how long they've worked there. Try to figure out if there is a high staff turnover

This is a good point. Number 1 and 3 both had at least the person showing me around with long service. Number 1 had ten years

OP posts:

Nottodaythankyou123 · 27/02/2025 21:00

I also don’t agree with some PP that all nurseries are depressing for babies. I looked at 4, 2 felt a bit clinical and 2 had a warmth and cosiness, and generally made me feel cosy and welcome. Still can’t quite put my finger on why the first 2 didn’t feel like that, but I think a lot is down to the size of the room (e.g the nursery I went with has a max of 8 babies with 4 staff).

Nottodaythankyou123 · 27/02/2025 20:57

I’d go with 1 personally; ours has a cot room for babies up to 18 months and after that they have a little area they sleep on mats in the corner. I pickup at lunchtime and there are always kids absolutely spark out, it doesn’t phase them at all. I’m also not sure how old your child is but sleeping on their front isn’t remotely a problem once they can get there themselves (ie they roll there rather than you put them there). Anyway my point is that given the positives of 1, I wouldn’t let the sleep situation put you off.

MaggieMistletoe · 27/02/2025 20:56

Nurseries ARE depressing, they make me think of orphanages. Childminders are a much more natural setting.

ParmaVioletts · 27/02/2025 20:53

He can interact in loads of other places other than nursery

Original poster

pleaseguveadvicenotattack · 27/02/2025 20:53

TemporaryPosition · 27/02/2025 19:27

I find it hard to believe the primary reason you're looking at nurseries for your child is so that they can spend time with other kids

Any why is looking at different cultural celebrations such a priority?

It’s true, not sure why that would be so odd?! It’s very important to me because I don’t think we will be having more children so wanted them to socialise but as others say this apparently doesn’t matter until 2 anyway - I didn’t know this

Diverse is inprotant to me because the area I live in is not diverse at all, so some bits of inclusion I like. Not sure why this is such an odd thing either? It’s not my main priority but was a nice touch that they are so inclusive

OP posts:

Onlyvisiting · 27/02/2025 20:52

If you don't need to do it for childcare then why wouldn't you just take your DC to baby groups etc to be around other children? Make mum friends, have playdates etc.

Parker231 · 27/02/2025 20:52

NuffSaidSam · 27/02/2025 20:30

Nurseries are depressing if you're looking for a space for a baby.

Why are you so concerned about your child spending time with other children to the extent you're willing to send them somewhere you know isn't very good? Are you a recluse? If not, I guarantee your child is getting sufficient socialisation from you and the people you interact with on a daily basis. Do please read up about child development and their need (or more precisely their lack of need) for other children the same age.

Not all nurseries are the same. DT’s went full time from six months old and their nursery and the staff were amazing.

waterrat · 27/02/2025 20:50

Also agree don't use childcare just for socialising. Not necessary.

Original poster

pleaseguveadvicenotattack · 27/02/2025 20:50

MissyB1 · 27/02/2025 19:20

Either 1 or 3. Ask about the sleeping arrangements at nursery 1, they can't possibly just have them all randomly sleeping all over the place surely?

Nurseries do vary a lot! I saw some awful ones before I found the lovely one ds went to.

They use basket type things that are portable but yes the one child was sleeping next to the others playing

OP posts:

Parker231 · 27/02/2025 20:50

TemporaryPosition · 27/02/2025 19:38

I can understand why OFSTED need to see this. I just don't understand why it would be a personal priority as a parent

Show quote history

It was important for us as we live in a multi cultural environment and I wanted my DC’s to be a part of these events.

Why wouldn’t you?

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