To think nurseries seem depressing? Please help me narrow down

As someone who at 17, no qualifications and no references, was left to 'supervise the sleepers' while everyone else went to lunch, I can assure you that nurseries do not always have two members of staff in the room at the same time!

We don't actually live in a multi cultural environment, the people who say we do think culture is nothing more than superficiality, different food, outfits and music. When it comes to the real stuff of culture, values, it appears that an omniculture is preffered, not real diversity, which isn't always harmonious

I have no objection to learning about other cultures, but it seems to be at the expense of learning about our own. Multi culturalism seems to be anti-culture

I'd say find a childminder. Go to toddler groups and watch them and pick one you see doing a good job. I'm a childminder and I've worked in nursery in the past. I would never send my child to a nursery no matter how good it look on viewing. There are some not great childminders too but that becomes obvious when you see them at toddler groups and they are not aware you are considering them as childcare!

3 if you can wait. 1 if you can't.

I preferred a nursery to a childminder because I felt worried about a childminder not having any other adult around to whistleblow if things weren't being done right. I just felt more comfortable with a nursery where there would be multiple adults.

But you said you want to send her there to socialise? Which suggests you don’t need to send but you want to just for socialising?

What sold me on my childminder was another mum who's child went to her and said when she was on mat leave she genuinely thought the three kids CM was with at playgroup were her own children as she was so attentive with them!

Either way, my DD shouts "YAAYY!!" at the top of her voice every time we drop her off, and even asks if she can go visit her CM at weekends (which is a bit embarrassing for us, her parents), so I know she loves it there.

OP - I personally think a CM is better because kids need a consistent 1-2-1 bond with a caregiver, but there are bad nurseries AND bad CMs, so you really need to visit a load of both and make your own judgement.

I have learnt from experience to go with the least amount of babies in the room. Even if a nursery has a good ratio from staff to child so 9 staff to 18 children 1:2 there is still 9 people. You need a room with 3/4 members of permanent staff so each staff member has the time to get to know your baby personally. So the smaller the nursery the better.

Main thing is do not accept a nursery that uses bank staff. Permanent staff only.

you really don't know anything about childminders

*Butterfly1947 · Today 22:03

Needmorelego · Today 20:24
** sorry but what's issue with a childminder using her adult son for the admin side?
What difference does that make?
It makes a huge difference, at settings they never leave children on their own with a single adult - it’s always two people minimum looking after children,
i want my child to be always supervised with two adults minimum in the same room*

So childminder plus adult son = 2 adults? Still don't understand your issue. Is it because the son is male? Nurseries can have male staff.

Nurseries do not often guarantee two adults in the same room at all times.

@Butterfly1947 of course you're entitled to your opinion.
You just worded your opinion a bit odd.

It makes a huge difference, at settings they never leave children on their own with a single adult - it’s always two people minimum looking after children,
i want my child to be always supervised with two adults minimum in the same room,

nurseries are designed to have open windows/ walls so you can hear what’s happening int the bathrooms, kitchen , play room

I can never leave my child at childminder / but if you feel comfortable that’s great you do it/ this is my opinion and I’m entitled to it

Once babies can roll both ways it is safe for them to sleep how they position themselves, providing it is on a flat firm (as in not squashy) surface

At my DDs nursery they all slept in prams, or that might have been when they were older.
I sent DD to nursery as I used to go to a lot of playgroups when on maternity, I’d say my opinion of CM at the time was very poor. Lots of them seemed to hate the children they were in charge of and seemed such unpleasant people. My good friend was CM at the time and was very popular and had a wait list. She hated it as a job, didn’t like the children and was just going through the motions.
DD did go to a CM later on but she was new to it, and she never went to playgroups anyway.

The advantage of nursery is they don’t close for illnesses generally and they don’t go on holiday!

Indeed about socialising. OP do you not have any socialising opportunities available near you? How old is DC? Are there no playgroups or farms or soft plays etc? That nursery is the only choice?

Children need an adult caregiver with whom they can bond at this age, far more than they need to socialise with peers. They will largely ignore most peers.

I would also say childminder under 2.5/3.

Most childminders will have 2-3 children at most having naps & will run from a family home where there'll be a couple of travel cots in bedrooms for naps.

I visited 8 nursery's, two had long wait lists, three were awful, one was too small. I was between two both were great on paper but one was slightly cheaper and better location. They were fab with ds.

I looked for-

Cleanliness
Security
Amount of outdoor play/facilities
Menu
Activities
Staff turnover
Communication with parents
Overall feel /children

I remember finding it bonkers there wasn’t a sleeping area at my son’s nursery, they just got out mats. But all the kids sleep at the same time so they’d make it dark and quiet in there and have a quiet corner for stories for those who couldn’t sleep. My second kid is there now and he sleeps better on a mat in the middle of the nursery than he ever has at home! So don’t let that put you off

Sounds great. I'm so glad it all worked out for you.

Financially I didn’t need to return to work - I wanted to . DT’s are now in their mid 20’s so I’ve the advantage of seeing that everything worked out well.

I wouldn't necessarily rule out a nursery because of front sleeping, if a baby rolls themselves onto their stomach it means they can roll back again, it's not done just by age but the individual baby?

I'd go nursery 3 from what you've said.

It's understandable though. Everyone needs to believe they've made the best choice for their DC. Often people don't get a choice because nursery is the cheapest/most readily available option and they have to work. They don't want to hear that the very idea of it is depressing. True though it may be!

FWIW I agree. But these threads always turn into people praising their nurseries and subtle backlash to those SAHM/those with nannys/those who use childminders/anything but nurseries.

It sounds like a lovely nursery. You don't need to justify yourself to me. I'm sure you took the best option available to you at the time.

I still think the idea of small babies spending the majority of their waking hours in nurseries is a bit depressing though.