No longer find my DH attractive

Whom OP has happily accepted paying for everything?

You should seek some therapy and talk openly to your husband about the issues. And ask him if he has any issues. He behaves like that not from the happy life I would say. You guys need some work. Don’t give up on marriage easily. Discuss it, and work on it. Things can change.

Just be honest with him how you’re feeling. The only wanting pleasure for his self. The acting like a child is turning you off.

I could never be with someone who lays backs and expects to be pleasured without a thought in return. You are not a sex robot. Ick ick ick

You have the ick because you are parenting him. You need to tell him how you feel or you get back to work if you aren't and start building plans to split. I could not be with a lazy child like him, they add absolutely nothing to your life apart from sustaining the bills. And I am sure you are quite capable of doing that too.

Just seen your child is school aged, why did you have to take her to bring the bins out?

Honestly I think age is a key factor here. Women don’t want to feel like a slave doing every single domestic chore at home, but at the same time if you don’t want to work and are happy to have your husband do all the work to generate income then it’s just part of the deal. Keeping an eye on when food or household items are out should largely fall to you.

Women do this when men don't step up to the responsibility of parenthood and adult responsibility. Someone has to.

hey, I think if you are a SAHM, it’s a fair expectation that you’ll deal with everything at home incl life admin and chores.

other than that, not putting in any effort into the relationship is shit behaviour. When you order food or cook, don’t you check with him ? Do you just expect him to eat whatever is there?

Why don’t you get back to work so he gets a break, and see if things change?

How old is your child?

There are several things here, you do have time for intimacy you just don’t want to prioritise it. And that goes both ways. With one child and limited additional responsibilities it shouldn’t be hard to find time.

It sounds like neither of you fully understand or agree what the sahm set up is for you.
Shouldn’t it be your job to do the bin or the dentist if he was working during this time?
The reality is a sahm role needs to be managed like a job, be clear about the duties and responsibilities so neither of you feel bitterness.

It’s possible his attraction has also dwindled because he sees a different side to you just at home in a traditional role every day rather than the pre kids version of you who was a go getter, out working, prioritising herself etc.

I personally think you can’t throw away a marriage with kids without actually trying. It doesn’t seem like you’ve communicated this to your DH. You need to have a conversation around intimacy and the closeness in your relationship and agree together you will come up with a plan to move forward.

You have no respect for your child's father who has bank rolled your lifestyle. I suspect he knows how you feel. You should get a job and then leave. However you will have to put the bins ourself.

He treats you like his mother and prioritises his needs over your child's. None of tgat is attractive.

You can tell him to grow up and pull his weight. You can make sure you're not covering for him and push him to take responsibility. Maybe if he starts to grow up things will shift.

How old is your child?

I don’t think it’s unusual after a few years of marriage and kids for things to be boring. I feel a little of the same in my marriage but I’m sticking around because I don’t think the grass is greener. I wonder if women naturally take a strong, dynamic role in a partnership and even more so when kids come along, and this is rarely acknowledged, but so many women are like this.

You are just too tired and he wants to rely on you, so he leaves everything to you. Maybe you can talk to him and tell him that you don't like him doing this.

God that’s bad. Just no. As you have a child and are marriage you need to give him a chance to change by telling him this. But if he doesn’t well you can’t go on like this. Best to end it while you’re still young.

We were on a safari holiday years ago and a monkey attacked us and another couple on the way to dinner. Instinctively the 3 of us backed behind Dh who took it on. Was secretly proud! Not sure what the other woman felt about her boyfriend!

He’s selfish and that’s not attractive.

@IainTorontoNSW When a woman becomes a mommy/maid to a man, the sexual attraction switches off. The maternal instinct and sexual attraction are incompatible, I suspect for biological reasons. So men that treat their partner as a maid are themselves switching their partner's attraction to them off.

@Lalalandlucy Please!

There is always time for intimacy somewhere in a day or, at least, once every couple of days if both partners want one another's company.

5 minutes, 12 minutes, 17 minutes, 31 minutes ... you'll find time if you really want to.

Mind you ... the word picture you paint of your selfish man-child is quite uninspiring.

An ex was scared of squirrels and it gave me the biggest ick.

Another ex was just not very manly or worldly, a proper man-child, I felt like I was mothering him... again, gave me a massive ick and killed my sex drive.

I'm afraid IME there is no going back from the ick. However, how you were ever able to 'get it up' for a man who didn't care about your pleasure is baffling - that alone would put me off completely, man-child or no man-child.

Are you still a SAHM or now working?

If you're a SAHM then yabu to expect him to take your child to appointments as that should be your job.

But the rest of it would give me the ick!

I am not attracted to my DH either. His constant phone and TV use is so dull and a turn off.

It does sound grim OP.

I think it's time for a very serious conversation so he understands your marriage is in trouble and needs work
Counselling?

Or do you in your heart of hearts know that feeling will never come back?

You're having to parent him and it's turning you off sexually.

^

This. Absolutely wrecks it

You’re too young to resign yourself to this for the rest of your life.

However, I would speak to him seriously and maybe try counselling before just deciding you should divorce. Explain to him what’s turning you off, if he can’t be receptive or can’t work on anything, I would leave.

Men don't seem to understand what gives women the ick. Acting like children is deeply, deeply unsexy. Being dirty. Not caring for the child that is 50% theirs. Leaving women to act as a mommy/maid. Sexually selfish.

TELL HIM why you feel this way (maybe not the insects thing - people can't help that - the rest is fair enough).

Ultimately, the maternal instinct is a turn off when it's needed to be used for a man.

I didn't think you should feel guilty about your feelings at all.

Have you ever had proper sex with him, where it's mutual and you both care about each other's pleasure?

Has he really done lots of great things for you? I find it hard to imagine a truly great man who would be happy to have sex at you, instead of with you. How can he be so ignorant or dismissive of female sexuality?