This isn't okay is it?

I would insist he gets bereavement counselling. Cruse offer free counselling or he can find a suitable counsellor.

I would ask him to visit his GP and discuss his current situation. He might need medication as he's currently self medicating.

I would put other childcare in place when you need to go away, perhaps relatives. I wouldn't trust him with childcare.

@potatopaws

"You need to keep your life as normal as possible for the DC, speak to your DH calmly like an adult, with empathy as he’s clearly going through a bad time, and get him to agree to go to AA."

If you've ever had the misfortune to live with a drunk (like me with my late DH) you would know that talking to them in a "calm and rational way" is about as productive as sticking red hot needles in your eyes. Actually, the latter might just be less painful. They are impenetrable black holes of emotional destruction that suck every ounce of sense and sensibility from anyone near them and can drive you to the very brink of insanity. Moreover, many of us have suffered horrendous circumstances in life including close bereavements. There are posters on Mumsnet who have lost children. They don't turn to drink because of "a bad time".

No it isn’t okay, but neither is having a row / scene in front of your young children.

You need to keep your life as normal as possible for the DC, speak to your DH calmly like an adult, with empathy as he’s clearly going through a bad time, and get him to agree to go to AA.

If you need to spend time at your mother’s, do it in a calm and controlled way. Tell your DC you’re going for a sleepover. No horrible rows. Watching a film while daddy sleeps upstairs won’t be a traumatic memory, unless you both make it into one.

Oh that's awful, I'm so sorry. Put it this way, if the police found a parent drunk and asleep in the daytime, they'd use police powers to remove them to a place of safety (eg with a relative) with a referral to social services

Please talk to work, you can't go on the work trip - unless you have anyone else who can care for them, but you certainly can't leave them with him.

Also, alcoholics don't get paralytic in the most visible way, because their tolerance is so high.

I have been in your situation and he either leaves or stops drinking, there's no middle ground.

It is awful that you have to go through this.

It's absolutely not ok to be pissed out your mind at 11.30am while doing parenting..and on champagne?! Wtf does he think this is? Tell him to replace the champagne and then you should lock it away.

Tell him that he needs to see the GP about his drinking unless he can adhere from doing it while caring for the kids. In the meantime he must pay out of his own money for childcare as he's not capable.
Does he work? How, if he's shit faced in the morning?

Tell him if he carries on like this SS could end up involved. And a divorce lawyer.

No not OK. I actually think that having a couple of drinks while looking after a child past baby age is ok. But getting so drunk in the niddle of the day tgat you slur words and fall asleep is clearly way past a couple of drinks. Plus lying about it. What would have happened if the doorbell had rang and the kids answered it and told the neighbours that daddy was asleep and they couldn't wake him? Would social services think you were over reacting? What if they'd got hungry and tried to make themselves a snack using a knife? Or as my 5 year old did, climbed on the sofa and fell off and gave themselves concussion?

He's obviously got a serious drink problem and of course it's not OK to be drinking in those quantities while looking after small children. He's clearly in denial.

You're doing the right thing by telling him you won't stand for it.

I would say, though, that kids aged five and seven don't get to 'refuse' to go anywhere with you. They don't get a choice.

My ex's habit of drinking herself unconscious while in sole care of our DCs ended up with Social Services getting involved. Our DCs were about the same age as yours are now. They ended up on the Child Protection Register for nearly a year. This is serious.

It’s terrifying.

Do you have any relatives or friends who can come and stay while you are on the work trip? He cannot be trusted alone. You need to be explicit about why he cannot be trusted- don’t sweep it under the carpet.

If not, you’re going to need an emergency nanny.

I would also tell the safeguarding lead at your children’s school- they may need to be vigilant for signs of neglect while the children are in his care, especially if you end up separating.

You are not overreacting. He got drunk while responsible for your kids—not once, but twice—and this time, he passed out in the middle of the day while they were home sick. That’s not just a problem, it’s bloody dangerous.

I get that the kids don’t want to leave, but you also can’t just let him stay and act like this is fine. If he won’t go, can someone come stay with you? You need backup. And I actually think embarrassing him and making him accountable to others is a good idea.

He’s admitted he has a problem, but words mean nothing if he’s still putting your kids at risk.

And if you’re scared about what he’ll do while you’re away next week, that’s a massive red flag. You should be able to trust your partner with your children. If you can’t, you need a new plan—whether that’s family, a sitter, or even legal advice.

You’re not trapped. You have options, and you are absolutely strong enough to take action. He can choose to get help but he doesn't sound particularly motivated and your priority right now needs to be keeping yourself and your kids safe.

Your children are 5 and 7. They don't get to refuse to come with you.

Aside from that- he has an alcohol problem. Unless he is committed to getting help, it will only get worse. He sounds like he is in denial and will only admit to things when he can't avoid it (e.g. telling you you were imagining it, until you had proof you weren't... then minimising it). Classic alcoholic behaviour.

I think I would honestly ultimatum him. He seeks help, or you leave him. You wouldn't be able to live with yourself if your kids came to harm in his 'care' while he was drunk. Would your parents be able to have the kids next week at all, while you are away?

It's not ok. Am so sorry you find yourself in this situation.

Unless he admits he has a problem, then you need to find a way to make sure the kids aren't in his sole care.