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Original poster

Is it menopause or motherhood that has turned me into somebody I don’t recognise and am not sure I like?

32 replies

Mytaytopowers · 27/02/2025 12:44

I had my first baby late (age 40.) I loved him, very much, but didn’t love being a mum, though it pains me to say so. Even so, went on to have a second a few weeks shy of my 43rd birthday.

I am now 44; my children are 19 months and four, and while there is this nice part of me still who I hope my children mostly see I am often irritable, snappy, quick to anger (often over nothing) impatient and sad.

My youngest is at a really difficult age and I know she’s not doing anything out of the realms of totally normal but it’s still frustrating and I had to step out of the room at a group we were at the other day as I was being pushed to my absolute limit and I could feel myself about to blow. The thing is I thought I was mostly okay but it seems to have ramped up lately. Today I’ve really been struggling with them both - my four year old is lovely but just never stops talking and the toddler is also lovely, but, well, a toddler. And i have no idea why I get so stressed out over not sitting in the pushchair and stupid stuff like that.

Help!

OP posts:
Ferryweather · 27/02/2025 15:29

Menopause utterly changed me and in particular I became a very different type of mother.
Estrogen is a caring hormone and its loss really impacted me, it was night and day.

Small children are demanding but I found that my care and love for them over rode any tiredness etc. But that was in my late 20s, early 30s. If I was to have them in my early 40s , I know I wouldn’t have had the same reserves. I’d consider HRT

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 27/02/2025 15:04

It's a perfect storm of both I would imagine.

hello261 · 27/02/2025 15:02

Your in the thick of it with young kids. See if you can build in a break during the week somehow. No harm exploring HRT if feel needed.

Alalalala · 27/02/2025 12:59

Broken sleep will be making it much worse so I hope those cats head home soon!

Maybe chat to the GP about HRT. It’s symptom led now so don’t be fobbed off with hormone level tests in terms of whether you’re prescribed or not.

Motherhood is very tough, especially when they’re as little as yours are now. Sounds like you need a break - can you take a day off when they’re at nursery (or where they go when you’re at work) and just sleep and watch tv in peace for a few hours?

Original poster
Mytaytopowers · 27/02/2025 12:48

Just when I’m at work (three days a week) but that’s obviously not really a break. I know I’m shattered at the moment as we’re looking after some cats which I thought would be easy but they keep waking me up at stupid o clock so that won’t be helping.

OP posts:
ThatMerryReader · 27/02/2025 12:47

It is both OP.

LunaLove1 · 27/02/2025 12:47

It’s probably a mix of both.
Do you get much of a break from being mum?