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Original poster

My friend keeps pushing ADHD onto her child

142 replies

ow26x · 27/02/2025 12:02

I know this may make me sound mad but I just need clarification that it’s not just me or maybe I just pick up on things easily. So last year I explained to my friend that I think my child, who was 3 at the time, now 4, might have ADHD as he shows the common symptoms. Personally I feel like he is too young to get labeled with anything but he pretty much ticks every box and his father was diagnosed at the age of 6. However, ever since I have mentioned this to my friend, every time I see her she has started mentioning how she now believes her now 5 year old has ADHD, she pushed for his nursery to keep an eye on him but they deemed no issues but now her son is in reception, she has now pushed it onto reception. Personally I don’t think her son has ADHD as nether her or his father has it, despite them both claiming to but they definitely have traits of autism between them, her son isn’t fidgety, he sits for hours on end on an iPad, which I disagree with massively & I find his hyper activity being due to being bored as the only place he goes is school and home again. Never the less, I just find it mad how she never mentioned it before until I said something about my son. Am I being crazily unreasonable to say it’s driving me mad every time I see her, it makes me not want to go around anymore. I think she may have munchausen by proxy or is simply looking for attention/more free money 🤦🏻‍♀️.

OP posts:
Stai · 27/02/2025 12:56

How do you know so many people who claim benefits they aren’t entitled to? Are you sitting in on their assessments? Or do you just read too much Daily Mail?

NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 27/02/2025 12:53

ow26x · 27/02/2025 12:44

@NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel did you actually read what I wrote? The longer my son goes undiagnosed the better as I simply don’t want him to be labeled so I think you need to have a Google of the word jealous 🤣.. & again, nowhere have I said she was a ‘shit’ parent? 🤣 could she do more? Yes, but we all could in some way. If me saying her child is an iPad kid makes you think I’ve said she’s a bad parent then maybe the problem lies with you & not her? Or maybe you feel like a shit parent because your child sits on there iPad all the time? I don’t know, I’m just against technology for children but that’s my preference on how I raise my children. & ok, she’d beg to differ but whatever you say know it all 💀

You haven't said one positive thing about her.

You seem to think a diagnosis means she will get money as well, which isn't the case at all.

You really have a lot of learning to do about both ADHD and the benefits system.

I'm not a shit parent, but I'm also not a shit and judgemental friend either.

Original poster
ow26x · 27/02/2025 12:53

@crankytoes theres a lot of people out there who claim benefits who aren’t entitled to them. Hence why my comment about her wanting more money stands.

& there’s nothing to be scared about? I think you’ve used the wrong word but I’ll take it. I hope she gets the answers she deserves for him but when it’s been the topic of conversation between us for the past year it becomes abit like ‘ok do something about it then’ instead of just telling me all the time.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 27/02/2025 12:49

If this is how you talk about someone you claim to love and support god knows what you’re like to everyone else. You’ve launched a diatribe against her with a huge list of her failings as a person and a parent and continue to add to it with every update. I hope she sees this and stops spending time with someone who judges and despises her as you so obviously do. Really horrible to read.

EmmaEmEmz · 27/02/2025 12:49

' son isn’t fidgety, he sits for hours on end on an iPad, which I disagree with massively & I find his hyper activity being due to being bored'

I was diagnosed with adhd in my 30s. I have never fidgeted...people who fidget get on my nerves (irrational, I know) and can spend hours focused on one thing, like a colouring game or something on my phone. I've never really been hyper either - quite the opposite.

Maybe learn about ADHD before making judgements as you clearly don't know a lot about it.

Original poster
ow26x · 27/02/2025 12:49

@Stai i don’t know if you know this but ALOT of people claim money they shouldn’t be entitled too.

& im not mean, I just wrote what ive noticed over the past year. Is that not ok?

OP posts:
Lyn397 · 27/02/2025 12:48

Being ND runs in families, so we have dyslexia, ASD and dyspraxia diagnosed in several members of my extended family and I suspect undiagnosed inattentive ADHD. If the child's parents have undiagnosed ASD it's quite possible their child has ADHD or is ND in some way.

You can stop seeing her for any reason you like, if you've had enough of listening to her then don't see her any more if you don't want to. I think the last sentence of your original post though is very unfair.

ow26x · 27/02/2025 12:48

This reply has been deleted

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Stai · 27/02/2025 12:48

ow26x · 27/02/2025 12:29

@Catlad yes that could be the case and you may be right about the awareness but for someone whose claimed to have undiagnosed adhd herself all her life, I find it mad how it’s never been mentioned before until I said something.

also, she’d be entitled to child DLA and she is the kind of girl that will take as much money as possible.

Well good!! People should take money they are entitled to, it would be pointless otherwise!!

You sound quite mean towards her.

crankytoes · 27/02/2025 12:48

ow26x · 27/02/2025 12:45

@crankytoes scared? I don’t get what you mean by scared? And yes I know how it all works.

Well you stated that she would get DLA. Well yes she would IF HER CHILD HAS ADHD. So why would you even bring this up?
If the child has ADHD and got DLA then they need and deserve it.
If the child doesn't have ADHD then they won't get it.

So why bring it up. Scared as in you seen scared she is going to 'win' DLA by claiming her dc has adhd when they don't.

It doesn't work that way.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 27/02/2025 12:46

I think you are getting a very hard time here op but I can see your point.

VivaVivaa · 27/02/2025 12:45

How on earth do you know her child doesn’t have ADHD? Neurodiversity presents differently in different people. The only people who would be qualified to tell her what her child does or doesn’t have would be a medical professional. You and your child don’t own the diagnosis (and please can we call it a diagnosis and not a ‘label’ - you wouldn’t say a child has been ‘labelled’ with diabetes or and ear infection would you?)

FWIW my son is autistic, dyspraxic and also likely ADHD. His dad and I are neurotypical. So don’t go around bandying around silly statements about ‘he can’t be adhd as his parents aren’t’.

Original poster
ow26x · 27/02/2025 12:45

@crankytoes scared? I don’t get what you mean by scared? And yes I know how it all works.

OP posts:
FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 27/02/2025 12:45

Neither of our parents have ASD or ADHD but both my sister and I do, brothers don't. Neither my aunt or uncle are austic but my cousin is, aspergers diagnosis when it was a diagnosis. None of another cousin's family have ASD or ADHD but she has one son with each and a third without.

Just because your child's father has ADHD doesn't mean your son does and just because you think your friend's child doesn't have ADHD - hyperfocus is a sign of ADHD - doesn't mean he doesn't. He's 5, symptoms are more likely clearer now than in a 3 year old.

FII (fabricated and induced illness) is rare and a form of child abuse - she isn't making up symptoms or making her child ill. She's asking the school to keep an eye as she thinks her child might have ADHD. You don't sound like a friend at all nor up to date with your accusations.

Original poster
ow26x · 27/02/2025 12:44

@NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel did you actually read what I wrote? The longer my son goes undiagnosed the better as I simply don’t want him to be labeled so I think you need to have a Google of the word jealous 🤣.. & again, nowhere have I said she was a ‘shit’ parent? 🤣 could she do more? Yes, but we all could in some way. If me saying her child is an iPad kid makes you think I’ve said she’s a bad parent then maybe the problem lies with you & not her? Or maybe you feel like a shit parent because your child sits on there iPad all the time? I don’t know, I’m just against technology for children but that’s my preference on how I raise my children. & ok, she’d beg to differ but whatever you say know it all 💀

OP posts:
crankytoes · 27/02/2025 12:44

ow26x · 27/02/2025 12:29

@Catlad yes that could be the case and you may be right about the awareness but for someone whose claimed to have undiagnosed adhd herself all her life, I find it mad how it’s never been mentioned before until I said something.

also, she’d be entitled to child DLA and she is the kind of girl that will take as much money as possible.

The child will only be entitled to DLA if they are indeed assessed as having adhd so what are you scared of?

C0bea · 27/02/2025 12:43

Well I didn’t realise I had it until nhs professionals told me they thought I had it at 56 after diagnosing my autism. Have been nhs diagnosed
since as have my children. None of us are hyperactive.

Andagain2 · 27/02/2025 12:43

You feel comfortable saying she has traits of autism in her family but you have decided her child does not have traits of adhd?

It’s very common for people with autism to have adhd.

Besides you clearly do not understanding that there are different types of adhd - your son seems to have the hyperactive type. There is also intentive adhd (hyperactive mind rather than hyperactive body) as well as the combined type. We have mostly inattentive adhd in our family and it presents completely differently to the hyperactive type.

crankytoes · 27/02/2025 12:42

ow26x · 27/02/2025 12:21

@MyGhastIsFlabbered I’m hardly being presumptuous. I just find it mad how it’s never been mentioned before until I did & ever since she’s done everything she can to push it. As if she’s in some kind of race with someone? Just the way I see it. She’s a very ‘look at me’ kind of girl, so just wanted to see if I had picked up on something.

Well we aren't going to know if you've 'picked up on something' as we don't know the woman or her child.

Not everyone with adhd is physically hyperactive.

You aren't a specialised who can diagnose or rule out adhd and as you have pointed out their possible ASD it is quite possible their dd has some neurodiversity which may indeed be adhd.

Original poster
ow26x · 27/02/2025 12:41

@Kbroughton i don’t believe I am being unreasonable as there’s a lot more to it without making everyone read 6 hours worth of conversations between me and her. However there’s no other place to put it. I’m reading what people are saying but when there’s people screaming ‘jealous’ or ‘not her friend’ I am going to have something to say back as that is simply not the case and she’d agree with me also on that haha. I came for people’s advice the situation not opinions on who I am as a person when you know nothing about me or my friend.

OP posts:
NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 27/02/2025 12:39

ow26x · 27/02/2025 12:36

@NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel no I think I’ll leave it for her to decide whether I am a friend or not as I’m the only one who is actually supportive with her, even when I don’t agree with her. Hence why I came on here to make a comment instead of being a mean person. Which I’m not.

You do sound jealous, like you want to be the only person with a child who has ADHD.

I suppose you probably are nice to her face, but you've called her a shit, attention seeking parent who would somehow push a diagnosis onto her child (which shows you don't know what you're talking about) for money, so I'll stand by my statement that you are no friend of hers.

TigerRag · 27/02/2025 12:39

Why are you friends?

Original poster
ow26x · 27/02/2025 12:38

@SiberFox I haven’t labeled my friend to be a lazy parent whatsoever. Her child is an iPad kid and doesn’t do much outside of the house except school. She is definitely an attention seeker 🤣 but that’s nothing she doesn’t know, she laughs about it herself. I love her, as my friend, we’ve been friends since day 1. It’s just 1 thing I’ve picked up on and it’s a constant conversation between us which is what makes me think she’s pushing it over him actually having it.

OP posts:
Kbroughton · 27/02/2025 12:38

Hmmmm, poster comes on Mumsnet asking if they are being unreasonable then argues vehemently when told that she is, in fact, being unreasonable. Never seen that happen before.

Bushmillsbabe · 27/02/2025 12:37

ow26x · 27/02/2025 12:29

@Catlad yes that could be the case and you may be right about the awareness but for someone whose claimed to have undiagnosed adhd herself all her life, I find it mad how it’s never been mentioned before until I said something.

also, she’d be entitled to child DLA and she is the kind of girl that will take as much money as possible.

Maybe she felt more comfortable talking to you about it once you openned up. There is still a lot of prejudice around disabilities, and some people feel they or their child may be judged for potentially having additional needs.

And even with a diagnosis, don't automatically get DLA, the threshold is quite high