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Original poster

My friend keeps pushing ADHD onto her child

142 replies

ow26x · 27/02/2025 12:02

I know this may make me sound mad but I just need clarification that it’s not just me or maybe I just pick up on things easily. So last year I explained to my friend that I think my child, who was 3 at the time, now 4, might have ADHD as he shows the common symptoms. Personally I feel like he is too young to get labeled with anything but he pretty much ticks every box and his father was diagnosed at the age of 6. However, ever since I have mentioned this to my friend, every time I see her she has started mentioning how she now believes her now 5 year old has ADHD, she pushed for his nursery to keep an eye on him but they deemed no issues but now her son is in reception, she has now pushed it onto reception. Personally I don’t think her son has ADHD as nether her or his father has it, despite them both claiming to but they definitely have traits of autism between them, her son isn’t fidgety, he sits for hours on end on an iPad, which I disagree with massively & I find his hyper activity being due to being bored as the only place he goes is school and home again. Never the less, I just find it mad how she never mentioned it before until I said something about my son. Am I being crazily unreasonable to say it’s driving me mad every time I see her, it makes me not want to go around anymore. I think she may have munchausen by proxy or is simply looking for attention/more free money 🤦🏻‍♀️.

OP posts:
Puttingoutfireswithgasoline · 27/02/2025 13:30

ow26x · 27/02/2025 13:07

@MantleStatue i hear what your saying, I just don’t want my child to be diagnosed at the age of 4 as I know my child would use it to his advantage and play on it all his life, if he got to the age of 8/9 & was the same then that’s different but right now he’s a young child still who is possibly bursting with energy and like most children, has ants in his pants. That doesn’t make me bad, it’s just my preference on how I raise my child.

however, she makes it my business when she brings it up in every conversation we have.

This is a load of nonsense and quite insulting.
It’s how you as a parent manage the situation and support your son. Not him playing it to his advantage, that would be learned behaviour….
My child was diagnosed before 5, as they needed the support and a diagnosis helped with that and his EHCP. He’s yet to ‘take advantage’ of his ASD diagnosis.

Original poster
ow26x · 27/02/2025 13:30

@Andagain2 yes because that’s what I think and I’m not the only one whose mentioned autism over adhd to her before but she’s adamant which is fine, I go with it.

i was told there were 2 types of adhd, that may not to be right but that’s my knowledge, as someone whose never needed to learn anything about it I haven’t ever taken it upon myself to learn so thank you for those facts you have wrote. That’s the kind of advice I came here to look for, not the insults and degrading on how much of a bad friend I am for wanting answers from people outside of who knows my friend personally.

OP posts:
SheridansPortSalut · 27/02/2025 13:29

Stay out of it.

She's doing what she thinks is best for her child and you're not an expert.

PartyPartyYeah · 27/02/2025 13:29

I have ADHD and I don't constantly fidget 🤷🏻‍♀️

eb949013 · 27/02/2025 13:29

I won't comment on your friends child (and neither should you) but it does sound like you could do with an updated education on the subject if you are going to - there a various types of ADHD and they do present differently from the classic perception of it being an inability to sit still

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 27/02/2025 13:28

Puttingoutfireswithgasoline · 27/02/2025 13:26

You can claim DLA without a diagnosis, it’s needs based.
(My child had DLA accepted prior to diagnosis)

Show quote history

Indeed. And getting a diagnosis doesn't automatically mean that you're eligible.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 27/02/2025 13:27

VivaVivaa · 27/02/2025 13:21

I just don’t want my child to be diagnosed at the age of 4 as I know my child would use it to his advantage and play on it all his life

Fucking hell. The most ableist, ignorant statement I’ve read in a long time.

Yep.

Poor kid.

sunshine244 · 27/02/2025 13:27

I forgot to add... diagnosis for some children is particularly hard if they are high masking.

EnhancedVampireEyeballs · 27/02/2025 13:27

Direct quote frim OP 'Her child is an iPad kid'.

Also a direct quote from OP 'I didn’t say he was an iPad kid'.

Yeah, sorry, @ow26x , if you can't even keep your own story straight, why should anyone bother trying to engage in a discussion with you?

Puttingoutfireswithgasoline · 27/02/2025 13:26

crankytoes · 27/02/2025 12:44

The child will only be entitled to DLA if they are indeed assessed as having adhd so what are you scared of?

Show quote history

You can claim DLA without a diagnosis, it’s needs based.
(My child had DLA accepted prior to diagnosis)

sunshine244 · 27/02/2025 13:26

You sound very ignorant about neurodevelopmental conditions.

Hyper focus is common for kids with ADHD. Not all have hyperactive behaviour- some are only inattentive.

DLA is based on care needs not diagnosis. You don't need to be diagnosed to receive it, but you do need a huge amount of evidence.

Children don't tend to be assessed for ADHD until 7+

I had no idea I have anything like autism or ADHD until my child was diagnosed and I read all the screening forms and was blown away that it was like reading my life history! I probably talk about it way too much now because my younger child is going through the process and it's become my hyperfocus.

I think you should reconsider what it means to have friends.

Puttingoutfireswithgasoline · 27/02/2025 13:24

I don’t know in this particular situation but I do know a fair few parents who are determined their child has additional needs despite all educational and medical input saying otherwise, including ed psychs.

VivaVivaa · 27/02/2025 13:21

I just don’t want my child to be diagnosed at the age of 4 as I know my child would use it to his advantage and play on it all his life

Fucking hell. The most ableist, ignorant statement I’ve read in a long time.

Original poster
ow26x · 27/02/2025 13:15

@VivaVivaa what are you on about? 😂 did you even read what I actually wrote? Where have I put he 100% hasn’t? I’ve wrote ‘I don’t think’ as that’s my opinion and it’s my post looking for advice. If someone has diabetes, then yes I would label them as diabetic. That’s what it is.

& I also never wrote ‘he can’t be cause his parents aren’t’ I’ve wrote, ‘nether of them do despite claiming to, they show signs of autism, not adhd’ so maybe have a re read

OP posts:
GruffaIo · 27/02/2025 13:14

ow26x · 27/02/2025 13:07

@MantleStatue i hear what your saying, I just don’t want my child to be diagnosed at the age of 4 as I know my child would use it to his advantage and play on it all his life, if he got to the age of 8/9 & was the same then that’s different but right now he’s a young child still who is possibly bursting with energy and like most children, has ants in his pants. That doesn’t make me bad, it’s just my preference on how I raise my child.

however, she makes it my business when she brings it up in every conversation we have.

Is this meant to be goady? Use it to his advantage?!!

I have a diagnosis of ADHD. I work in a context where I am often discussing with other professionals cases involving adults and children with ADHD. Very few know of my own diagnosis because of attitudes like yours. I cannot tell you what I would like not to spend almost every waking moment fighting the symptoms of my ADHD to succeed at my job. Attempting to maintain friendships is long past. Please try to educate yourself and be better for your child and your friend.

Original poster
ow26x · 27/02/2025 13:10

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves

  1. I made that comment as it’s something she mentioned before.
  2. I know that.
  3. I havent said he does or doesn’t, I’ve stated my opinion on what I think..
  4. there is definitely such thing as an iPad kid, however I didn’t say he was an iPad kid, I simply said he sits on his iPad for hours on end.
  5. I haven’t slated her, I’ve came for advice on a situation that keeps getting brought up between us.
  6. he’s my child and I will take him for an assessment if I believe it to be true once he’s a little older as right now I feel he’s to young (again, my opinion)
OP posts:
Kiwi83 · 27/02/2025 13:09

ADHD takes many forms, just because you don't see the symptoms it doesn't mean they're not there. Young people quite often mask effectively enough at school but can't keep that mask on at home.

Original poster
ow26x · 27/02/2025 13:07

@MantleStatue i hear what your saying, I just don’t want my child to be diagnosed at the age of 4 as I know my child would use it to his advantage and play on it all his life, if he got to the age of 8/9 & was the same then that’s different but right now he’s a young child still who is possibly bursting with energy and like most children, has ants in his pants. That doesn’t make me bad, it’s just my preference on how I raise my child.

however, she makes it my business when she brings it up in every conversation we have.

OP posts:
Notgivenuphope · 27/02/2025 13:07

If indeed he is hours and hours on an iPad at such a young age then she’s a crap parent and any behaviour issues are likely due to that!

Doingmybestbut · 27/02/2025 13:06

Focus on you and your child. Spend time with the friends whose company you enjoy and back off from the ones who annoy you.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 27/02/2025 13:05

OP, a few points.

  1. Nobody gets benefits simply because they or their child has adhd.
  1. Adhd does not always present in the same way.
  1. Unless you are qualified to give a medical diagnosis and have completed a professional assessment, you are not in a position to say whether or not your friend's dc does or doesn't have adhd.
  1. You are not an expert on adhd simply because your DH has it.
  1. There is no such thing as "an ipad kid".
  1. Most people don't slate their much loved friends on the Internet.
  1. If you genuinely believe that your own child does have adhd, you are doing him no favours by failing to pursue a diagnosis.
Original poster
ow26x · 27/02/2025 13:03

@AnneLovesGilbert for saying I think she has munchausen by proxy? I tell her to her face and laughs. She says things about me, which sensitive people could find offence to, which I find funny and we laugh together as that’s the kind of friendship we have. Sorry if you don’t have a friend close enough to joke about each other with or maybe just no sense of humour.

I hope she does read this too but she probably won’t, she’ll be to busy cleaning her house or on a sunbed 🤣 (again, another person joke between 2 friends)

OP posts:
atthepinkponyclub · 27/02/2025 13:03

Ugh I keep seeing these sorts of posts on MM, including when the child (or children) in question has a full diagnosis.

‘They definitely aren’t ND, it’s ~poor parenting~ and ~too much screen time~’

I have a diagnosed autistic child and have no idea how you could jump through all the hoops, have your child observed by educational professionals, by a psychologist and a trained paediatrician and have them diagnose a perfectly neurotypical as ASD or ADHD. If you, a casual observer with no qualifications, can clearly see there is nothing wrong than why on earth would professionals reach a different conclusion?

You see a snapshot of parenting and of that child so just leave it to the professionals to decide 🤷‍♀️

MantleStatue · 27/02/2025 13:01

Sorry OP- you are doing your child a massive disservice if you don't want your child diagnosed because they will be 'labelled'. It's not a label, it's a diagnosis. A medical one. ADHD is required to be assessed and diagnosed by a psychiatrist while an ed psych can diagnose ASD.

Do you know what a medical diagnosis means for your child? it means that they are able to access the support they need. if you hinder that knowingly then you are not doing the best you can for your child.

And what your friend does in relation to her child is none of your business.

Original poster
ow26x · 27/02/2025 13:00

@NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel do you want to know all the positives about her before I post what I really want advice on? Cause to me that sounds crazy but if you need that to actually make clarification on the 1 situation I’m talking about then message me privately & ill tell you all the things that make us friends.

hm, i said that as that’s the comment she has made within one of our many conversations about it.

& yes maybe i do have a lot to learn about it, as it’s never been anything that effects my life I’ve never felt the need to learn about it, except from where I’ve stated ‘common symptoms’..

& so don’t take such offence to someone else’s experiences/thought then if it doesn’t concern you. Give your advice and move on.

OP posts: