Colleague just said my husband sounds very Andrew Tate.

My DH and I always pick each other up from nights out. It has nothing to do with control! If he was in the slightest way like AT I could not be with him.

We live in a village with poor public transport - no nearby train stations and buses stop at 9pm. Taxi home is £40+ but it is only a 20 min drive away.

Saying your husband is like AT for this is massively insulting.

It would be strange in my circle of friends. We’re all London-based, always made our own way to and from nights out, both before and after husbands. If one friend had a husband who consistently picked her up, it would seem unusual to me and I would wonder why.
I guess it depends on your social life though; pre children, if I was out on a Friday night, my husband almost certainly would be too!

She's jealous 😄😄, ignore xx

She probably doesn’t have a decent enough man to do it for her.

I don’t think it sounds Andrew Tate like at all. In fact it may well be because of AT types that he wants to do it.

Lol wtf that's an unhinged comment. Ofc picking up your partner from a night out isn't misogyny.

There's an element of patriarchy involved in the sense it's more dangerous for women (especially after a few drinks) to walk home due to men, and good husbands presumably would like to protect their wives from that.

Your husband is just being considerate though. I'm a woman, and always picked my wife up at night before having a baby. Why wouldn't I if I'm sat doing nothing at home? Just good manners and saves you both money by not paying for taxis.

On the fence. I don't think it makes your DH Andrew Tatey but it does indicate you aren't particularly independent.

I'm in my mid 60s and have one or two friends who had husband's who picked them up/took them everywhere. Now divorced or widowed, they are a bit of a pain in the bum because they expect others to collect them or take them home on a continual basis or they won'tbe able to come, so manipulative as well. "Oh, I'm not confident enough to drive at night because Tom always did that". It makes them very limited.

I think you need a middle road op. I might just be a bit tough about it because DH has never been available. He's either been working or when dc were younger when I had a rare night out he was babysitting. If I'm having a drink I get a cab, or I don't drink and drive myself.

If he's happy to do it and it saves you the hassle of finding a taxi/getting the train, then I think it's fine! I don't think that's controlling. Surely if he was controlling, he'd be trying to stop you going out drinking with friends or making you feel bad about it?

meh - i live somewhere that public transport stops at 7pm (and there is none at weekends)

i will always collect my DH either from the venue, or from the train station in the next town, after a night out, and he will always do the same for me (no taxis at the station, it's not worth their while, apparently)

I pick my DP up every single time I'm free to do so, if he wants it.

It's not being controlling, it's being kind to the person you're meant to love most in the world.

I'm not going to sit at home twiddling my tits while DP schleps back on foot, or waits around for a bus, or faffs about with a taxi. Fuck that, I'll just whack my trainers on and go to fetch him.

If, of course, that's what he wants. It usually is because sitting in a car nattering to your spouse is nicer than any of the alternatives.

In what world is that controlling?

Yeah I agree with this. Not Andrew Tate at all but a bit much. I quite like being independent.

What's wrong with that?

Your husband sounds very considerate. Ignore your daft colleague.

I think it's lovely. What's the point in paying for cabs if your DH is at home and hasn't had a drink. Pointless.

I hope he's not giving your colleague a lift! Let her walk, silly cow.

How is it controlling?
’I’ll pick you up at 10.30. Make sure you’re ready’ - controlling.
‘Do you want picking up? Give me a text/ring when you’re ready’ - not controlling.
Sounds like it’s the latter, in the op’s case.

(DP always offers to pick me up too! And doesn’t mind either way, just being lovely)

It’s genuinely sad that we live in a culture where young women think controlling men are more common than kind men.

She’s making a ridiculous leap but I can kind of see why. Social media amplifies horror stories and nobody takes a particular interest in people who are just normal, nice, quietly considerate to one another.

I love my dp picking me up
We pick the kids up to if we're free and I get him from the footy so he can have a drink
What a silly thing to say
Unless she's had a controlling partner in the past like pp said not picking up out of safety but more let's get you home away from all these other men

That's a horrible thing for your colleague to say - I assume she has no idea what a normal healthy relationship should look like

I have a friend whose husband always picks her up when we go out. It literally hadn't occured to me that this was anything other than helpful (especially as I get a lift home too!)

Who says that about somebody’s husband?!
She’s jealous you have a lovely kind husband.
And she’s a rude cow to boot.

First post nails it again

its literally just jealousy, ignore it

"If you're implying he's controlling, then that's a very silly assumption to make about someone elses husband, Doris. Maybe that's a projection of your own marriage/relationship. FYI, I actually really appreciate never having to pay for an Uber or a taxi"