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AIBU?

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Original poster

Colleague just said my husband sounds very Andrew Tate.

183 replies

Srepmum1984 · 27/02/2025 08:59

Was having a discussion about some works drinks that will be taking place on Friday and I said husband will be picking me up if anyone else wants a lift home.

My husband regularly picks me up after drinks/meal with my friends and also always offers them a lift home if they have had a drink and they don't have alternative transportation for safety etc.

She asked if he picks me up every time I go out and I said yes. She then said he sounds very Andrew Tate. Not trusting you to make your own way back.

I was very taken aback. Surely my husband wanting to ensure his wife and friends get home safely is not 'Andrew Tate'.

He never enforces he is going to come and collect me like a child, it's more along the lines of....

Me: I'm off out now, see you in a few hours
Him: Do you want picking up babe
Me: Yes pleassseeeee 😂

OP posts:
ChopolateSauce · 27/02/2025 10:40

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Ok, I do think this changes things.

OP - is he your DH? Or a man you've been daring a few months? Or both - have you recently married him?

Are you concerned about Andrew Tate vibes? Are you testing the waters with this colleague-comment-about-lifts story? Did it actually happen? Or is it a proxy to see what MN thinks about your niggling feelings? Or perhaps it did actually happen and your colleague is noticing something you're not?

ItGhoul · 27/02/2025 10:40

Your colleague's being weird. If your husband was insisting on picking you up and didn't let you use public transport or taxis, or if he was demanding that you leave at a specific time or something, that would be 'a bit Andrew Tate'. But offering to pick you up because he doesn't mind and it's convenient/practical is just him doing you a favour. And saving you the cost of a taxi.

Original poster
Srepmum1984 · 27/02/2025 10:40

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Two: big ones though. Late teens

OP posts:
alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 27/02/2025 10:39

Cuppachuchu · 27/02/2025 09:03

I'd have asked her to elaborate, and she would have embarrassed herself with her stupid assumptions.

This. Utterly stupid. Ignore.

Blobbitymacblob · 27/02/2025 10:38

My dh is similar - just an all round good egg.

I’d be concerned for that colleague though and keep my ears open. Don’t just rush to take offence or put her down. We all speak from our own experience and it doesn’t sound like her experiences have been positive. Abusive men leave their marks in more than bruises - they damage our boundaries, our radar, and our ability to trust.

HelenWheels · 27/02/2025 10:36

your colleague is ignorant and bitter,
why dont you offer her a lift via your dh and see if she changes her mind?

ChopolateSauce · 27/02/2025 10:36

ntmdino · 27/02/2025 10:21

Exactly how independent do you need to be when you're in a marriage that's actually a marriage?

The whole point is working together as a team, because it's better than having to do everything alone.

Show quote history

I see this a lot on MN and I find it really weird.

Your DH helping you out or making life just a little bit nicer for you (and you doing the same in return) isn't indicative of being "dependent". It's being in a partnership. It's loving someone. It's being nice.

I do sometimes wonder what the hell some MNer's marriages are like.

Ddakji · 27/02/2025 10:36

Ihopeithinkiknow · 27/02/2025 10:33

The same posters who seem to agree with your colleague and that you don't sound very independent and infantile would be saying "well why won't your husband pick you up he doesn't sound very nice" if you were on here saying you never get picked up after a night out lol
Your colleague sounds like a twat

No, I wouldn’t be saying that - my DH is a wonderful man and rarely picks me up after a night out, and I’m fine with that because I’m a grown up.

Irridescantshimmmer · 27/02/2025 10:34

Your colleague is foolish, ignorant and stupid.

To start with, it is very generous of your DH to give your friends lifts, he did'nt have to and he went out of his way. This makes him the exact opposite of tate who is a parasite but your idiot colleague may be the jealouse type hence her comment.

She also has bad judgement.

Trendydiscussion · 27/02/2025 10:33

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Ihopeithinkiknow · 27/02/2025 10:33

The same posters who seem to agree with your colleague and that you don't sound very independent and infantile would be saying "well why won't your husband pick you up he doesn't sound very nice" if you were on here saying you never get picked up after a night out lol
Your colleague sounds like a twat

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 27/02/2025 10:32

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What’s an AS?

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 27/02/2025 10:31

Very odd! I thought you were going to say that she had a conversation with him and he was being a bit Andrew Tatey. But saying it just because he is picking you up?? That’s wild.

I am very independent and don’t drive but I wouldn’t mind my DH offering to pick me up at all. It’s a non-issue though because neither of us know how to drive! 🤣

I think your colleague has been watching too many videos about Andrew Tate and is on hyper alert, but she has it way wrong this time 😬

Trendydiscussion · 27/02/2025 10:27

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marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 27/02/2025 10:27

Make sure he doesn't offer her another lift home!

gamerchick · 27/02/2025 10:25

I'd love to be collected from my shenanigans. I'll get dropped off but it's a taxi home.

Just ignore your colleague and if husband is slagged off like that again, I'd be having stern words.

Starlight7080 · 27/02/2025 10:23

MatchesinEyes23 · 27/02/2025 09:06

I’d find it a bit weird if I had a friend whose husband was always picking her up. The odd time, of course! Everyone loves a free lift 😁 But every night out? Wpildnt aay Andrew Tate but feels a bit controlling.
Whats he doing on a Saturday night when you’re out? Sat at home not drinking waiting to drive and get you?

Not everyone feels the need to drink every weekend.
Lots of us have a fun or relaxing evening without alcohol.
And if a person's partner is happy to pick them up and offers then why not .
It's cold and taxis are often expensive or just a pain

Trendydiscussion · 27/02/2025 10:23

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Praying4Peace · 27/02/2025 10:22

MatchesinEyes23 · 27/02/2025 09:06

I’d find it a bit weird if I had a friend whose husband was always picking her up. The odd time, of course! Everyone loves a free lift 😁 But every night out? Wpildnt aay Andrew Tate but feels a bit controlling.
Whats he doing on a Saturday night when you’re out? Sat at home not drinking waiting to drive and get you?

Good point.
Also,OP is extremely fortunate that she is picked up after a night out

Mrsdyna · 27/02/2025 10:22

She sounds very jealous. You carry on living your life as before.

ntmdino · 27/02/2025 10:21

RosesAndHellebores · 27/02/2025 09:41

On the fence. I don't think it makes your DH Andrew Tatey but it does indicate you aren't particularly independent.

I'm in my mid 60s and have one or two friends who had husband's who picked them up/took them everywhere. Now divorced or widowed, they are a bit of a pain in the bum because they expect others to collect them or take them home on a continual basis or they won'tbe able to come, so manipulative as well. "Oh, I'm not confident enough to drive at night because Tom always did that". It makes them very limited.

I think you need a middle road op. I might just be a bit tough about it because DH has never been available. He's either been working or when dc were younger when I had a rare night out he was babysitting. If I'm having a drink I get a cab, or I don't drink and drive myself.

Exactly how independent do you need to be when you're in a marriage that's actually a marriage?

The whole point is working together as a team, because it's better than having to do everything alone.

StrawberryDream24 · 27/02/2025 10:21

hazandduck · 27/02/2025 10:09

She is probably projecting a past experience; I have a friend whose partner is a controlling, misogynistic pig and he picks her up and drops her off everywhere (in the car she bought!) even if she’s not drinking. We all raise our eyebrows every time, I actually imagine he waits round the corner for her. And she is usually on her phone the whole time probably texting him. He definitely is an AT type!

Your DH doesn’t sound like that but maybe your colleague knows someone like my friend who is definitely being controlled :(

Yeah, I know people who always pick up their partners from nights out due to issues with jealousy and control.

I would not say that out loud to someone though.

hididdlyho · 27/02/2025 10:20

I mean if your DH was a controlling prick, I don't think it would enter his head to also offer to give your friends a lift home!

Shoxfordian · 27/02/2025 10:20

She's massively extrapolating. I wouldn't have thought an Andrew Tate type would want his wife going out on her own in the first place

TommyTyson · 27/02/2025 10:17

What a strange thing to her to say. I'd have said 'What do you mean?' Silly comments need calling out sometimes.

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