AIBU to ask for money from in-laws whilst their son stays?

I do think there are a lot of variables but as a rule, I would absolutely expect that if I am looking after a child for more than 48 hours, I wold be offered some kind of contribution - money directly, or the suggestin tht the teenager is sent with enough cash to get a takeaway for the whoel family one night or whatever. Even more so if I know the family who is hosting is struggling for money.

In situations where money is not tight, I'd still expect something. More likely in the form of a gift or something - wine, chocolates etc. MOre in recognition than anything else.

I'd also expect, either way, for the child to be sent with some spending money of their own.

If it was a one-off then no I wouldn't ask or expect. But if it has become a regular thing, then it's different.

My DS used to sometimes stay over with a family member at weekends and I would usually give the family member an envelope with £30 in it to go towards takeaways or food generally, and I always said to let me know if they did anything that needed an entrance fee etc, I would settle up later.

Sometimes they took the envelope, sometimes they didn't. But that was their choice. I wasn't expecting anyone else to feed or pay for him.

This. You shouldn’t offer than ask for money , but if they are requesting then say that would be lovely but would you mind providing x

Jesus. Stand up for yourself OP. These people are taking the piss.

Say no to the brother and nieces/nephews staying over if their parents aren't going to pay for the food shop.

It doesn't sound as if the young lad's Dad is willing to give you any money towards his son's keep', whilst he stays with you. It's a case of asking again, telling his Dad that you can't afford for the lad to stay 5-7 days or sucking it up in the name of 'family'. There aren't many other options. Knowing you are a low income family, then yes, money should at least be offered, even if it was £20 towards treats.

You mention "our nephew", whose nephew is he and do you also ask for a contribution from his parents or do they automatically give you something?

What weirdo asks for keep for a sibling that's 13 stating furvavwry short time?

Someone on a low income! Feeding a teen its not just once a year- its 'some of the school holidays;. That could amount to a month a year or more. So over 90 meals the OP is paying for!

How did they pay for the takeaway they treated themselves too, without money?

Surely they had to ask you for the money cane you should’ve said no?

Honestly, I think it’s a bit weird to ask. I get that 4 teens are not cheap, but it seems like you’re only asking one set of parents to contribute for one child. And it’s your DH’s little brother. I would expect to pay for his stay with you, but maybe you just need to establish how much he comes to stay if money is too tight.

I was also going to say wtf with the poor people in Asia comment. They also have dowries, help their kids buy an home more, and expect you to pay after them in their old age. It’s like comparing apples and oranges!

I would never ask for money or anything in these circumstances, but I’m not on a low income and having to balance a budget so that’s very easy for me to say.

It’s rude of the dad to say no when you’ve asked - or to not send the boy with a bit of cash for a treat. But, that’s what’s happened, so your only options are to refuse to have him, or to let him stay but only home cooking etc and no takeaways/restaurants etc.

I do think that there's a line that's been crossed though.

In a million years, I would never have regularly sent my teenager away for days and days and days to stay with my other child without offering them some money. It's just what you fucking do. I mean, you look after all your kids not just the dependant ones living at home.

Do you mumsnetters all understand what child benefit is actually for? I'll tell you what it's not for. It's not for the adults to purchase takeaway food for themselves with whilst another fucking adult on a low income regularly feeds your kid.

That's plain cheeky on his parents part.

If they want other people to look after their children then the parents need to cover the costs of feeding them, as the bare minimum.

Anything else is simply taking the piss.

What weirdo asks for keep for a sibling that's 13 stating furvavwry short time? Honestly. I think it's super weird and graby

Out house was full of kids around that age. It would never have occured to me to ask for money

Usually it is his idea as he likes to come and see his older brother (my husband) which is really nice, but his parents will say can he stay for 5-7 days

I think you need to say, "sorry but we can't afford for him to stay that long unless you can contribute towards groceries".

They are bloody cheeky.

Then they're just being rude.
Send the boy back after one day or back for meal times.

I'd find it fucking cheeky to send your kid over that eats like an adult and expect family on a really low income to feed him for free.

but his parents will say can he stay for 5-7 days

I think they should be sending money with him, tbh.

... but his parents will say can he stay for 5-7 days

'Well, we'd love to have him the whole week, but honesty, we really can't afford it for more than 2/3 days.' The suggest sending him with food also.