AIBU to ask for money from in-laws whilst their son stays?

You just have to cut back for a bit, so you’re doing what you can afford. Next time he comes to stay you say to the in laws now we can’t do any more than 2 nights, so he’ll be back Wednesday. And less weekends for a while- you have young children to feed and that’s your priority. They will just have to feed him themselves.

It doesn’t matter it’s family, an overnight stay , no problem but 5-7 days is piss taking

you should ask them directly, there’s no shame in admitting you cannot provide for 1-2 children extra for days on end, it’s not fair on you. I used to have my niece in schools holiday as her parents worked, none of us was struggling financially but my sister always gave me £50-£70 a week, some weeks i would spend more, some weeks less but she would never drop my niece off without leaving a bit of money, it’s just manners

I think with a 13 year old I'd be sending him with some pocket money. Maybe the reason they haven't offered a bit of money is because this is more of a visit than a favour. If it was done as a favour I'd think most people would send money for a takeaway at least, but the dynamic is a bit different when it's more of a family visit.

It sounds like something does have to be figured out though as he will only get bigger and want/need a lot more snacks!

Personally, if somebody was having my child for a week I'd give them money and I would also buy them a gift for having them, wine/flowers or similar.

He gets rid of his child for a week and they don’t miss him. That’s a little weird. They should be taking you out to fancy dinners for looking out for his son. And yes, they should either provide groceries and snacks if he’s there longer than a weekend.

7 days on a regular basis isn’t a short time and usually grandparents are the ones who would be hosting? Defo not unreasonable to ask your own parent to contribute a £10 or so to the cost of hosting a sibling if the family aren’t super well off.

I'm on the fence with this. I've got a goddaughter who is in her very early 20's. She lives several hundred miles away and I don't see her very often at all. I wouldn't expect anything from her when she comes for a weekend, she's my guest. I prepare for it. I'm also low-ish income and a lone parent. I will pay for alcohol and cook nice meals, maybe one takeout. She will bring flowers and wine. I honestly wouldn't ask her to pay anything.

If my kids were staying with anyone for a week (other than grandparents who wouldn't take anything and spoil them rotten) I would be sending food and money. You don't expect someone else to feed them and pay to entertain them. A day out/meal out is expensive. Even an ice cream for everyone!
Very tight if they won't send him with some money, they should offer.

Dumping a kid on other people, no matter who they are, who eats like an adult for a minimum of five days at a time without a penny toward its keep, is taking the piss. Don't be a mug, OP, either they cough up some money for his keep or he goes home after one night. You are practically sharing custody with these freeloaders! If my kids stayed that long with someone, damn right I would be offering something.

Who says you have to go to MDonald's? Why can't you feed them with pasta (60 p a packet) and home-made cheap vegetable sauces? Say 'we are a low income family, we don't go to MDonald's. This is what we eat'. Problem solved. What you suggest is awful and penny-pinching. There is low income and there is cheap. Don't do that. If they start disliking pasta, they don't have to come and stay with you.

When I have my niece and nephew I tell them I’m more than happy to cook meals for them but if they want a take away then they can pay for it themselves, I definitely don’t expect anything from them for staying with me. I usually end up with a house full of their friends too that I feed!

OP- I think people are confused and think that the 13yr old brother/nephew ordered and paid for a take-away whilst at your house.

I 'think' you mean that the in-laws have money and buy take-away when you are minding their child? Is that correct?

I'm on the fence. I don't offer my family money if my kids visit, and when I was in OPs position of having DHs siblings I would treat them and not ask for any money.
BUT, my kids only go to grandparents (who would be offended to be offered money) except the odd occasion when they've been taken out as their birthday present.
Also, I never spent out of my budget. We had home cooked meals and did activities to suit our budget. One was a fussy eater so we'd stop at a supermarket and get acceptable food, this was nowhere near the price of a takeaway. If we didn't have the money for the expensive option, we did the cheap option. I didn't present alternatives, so they just got on with it.
However, I can't imagine MIL not offering cash if I'd let slip that I was struggling with the expense of having them. So unusual to ask for money, unreasonable to not pay for their own child.

Absolutely! You need to tell them that you love having him but you can’t afford to feed every man and his dog. If you are providing for him, they should help towards expenses. (No wonder the poor kid loves staying at yours. They sound like selfish people.)

I think it is a bit weird to ask for money. However, if money is tight and you can't afford it then you have to make difficult choices and have awkward conversations.
Ideally your in-laws should be offering, especially if they know money is tight for you. That is what most people would do.
I think in your position, because money is an issue, I would start saying no when he asks to stay. You just have to tell your husbands family that you can't afford to host their children.
They can say what they want but if you can't afford it then you can't keep hosting them. It's unfortunate but you can't spend money you don't have.

Why, when you clearly can’t afford to feed them?

Agreed

Your DH should have a quiet word to say you're struggling on your income and it would be a great help if they would give son pocket money to bring towards treats.

This

I would never have thought to offer money to relatives having my child stay over (not that they ever stayed anywhere more than a night or two). But if my child loved going somewhere & the hosts voiced that they were struggling financially, I’d have been mortified that I’d added to that stress & would have sent him with bags of goodies (for everyone) offering supermarket gift vouchers & generally overcompensating.

How rude that they aren’t prepared to at least cover extra costs

I'm sure there are some customs and traditions amongst very poor people in Asia (or anywhere else for that matter) that would horrify and disgust people elsewhere.