AIBU to ask for money from in-laws whilst their son stays?

Absolutely this!

You need to start saying no as 'money is tight' and they'll soon start offering towards his keep (as they absolutely should be doing!)

In your circumstances, I would ask them to fund treats and be very clear about what those will be. So "we'd love to have Sam for the week. Are you able to send him with £20 for a McDonald's trip and bowling with DH? Otherwise no worries, we'll make do with cheaper fun".

It would be nice if you can afford unlimited hospitality but you can't. And yes, maybe some people and some cultures would never dream of asking for money, but there's a difference between sharing what you'd usually have (which might be spag bol and free trips to the playground) and laying on additional fun entertainment and treats for teenagers.

You must have a massive house to have all these people staying plus your own 3 kids.

You could ask that he is sent with some pocket money for treats perhaps?

You do know you don't need to have trashy fast food, cook a home cooked meal, it will cost less n go further

I think he should come with some money but I don’t think you should ask- he’s family- I don’t think I ever asked relatives and they never asked me (but I suppose we all contributed!) Sorry op am no help!

I would just remind the parents to send the kids with spending money. If they don’t bring any then don’t take them to McDonald’s or on expensive outings.

I wouldn't ask for money. If I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't be buying take-aways either.

Bowl of pasta, home made chilli filled out with beans, cheap filling, family meals.

That just shows how little class your sister has

If my bil was staying with me regularly for a week or so and I was feeding him all week I would expect him to contribute to the cost of a takeaway -,actually if the favour wasn’t being reciprocated I would expect my bil to pay for the full takeaway to say thanks. As he is 13 it falls on his parents to contribute to the cost of the takeaway and why wouldn’t they also want to treat their children and grandchildren at the same time as a thanks for the free childcare and savings on feeding a teen for a week. The in-laws are not being reasonable and taking advantage. It’s not an occasional sleepover for a night or so.

You make a really good point about OP working out what she wants/needs here, but needing help to cover guests’ costs doesn’t make the relationships transactional. You see it that way because you’re (relatively) rich or from a richer background. For poorer people it’s an unavoidable fact that has to be addressed if they still want to see their relations who don’t live locally.

There's a difference between not being highness and actually being low earner. It's very difficult for BP to manage financially so yes of course his parents should handover some money for his stay. They're already getting time off!

I wouldn’t ask but it wouldn’t make any difference to our finances. If it’s genuinely stretching you and £20 would make a difference then maybe? £10-20 sounds super petty though unless you are very hard up or having them multiple times a month.

You want your BIL to pay to stay with you? Jeez.

I think if moneys tight it's fine to ask for a contribution towards food, if my dd went anywhere for more than a couple of days I'd offer some money.

I took my niece on holiday and db and sil gave £50 towards food and general spending money.

I disagree feeding 4 children rather than 3 would not cost much more if meals were planned. You "don't have to spoil him", just feed him basic food.
I genuinely don't know anyone IRL who would charge their niece or nephew if they have several children of their own.

Personally, I don't see family relationships as transactional.
I find the idea of "charging" relatives hideous.
And I think to some extent, so do you @Lilacbluewaters
Because you're saying clearly that you only want a token amount.
Although you don't have ££££ to spare
So, I think you're not asking for costs to be covered?
So what is it that you DO want?
Is it acknowledgement?

I think you need to clarify in your head what you want and aren't getting and then fix thst

Stop going to McDonalds

OP, they are CF's to put it mildly.
Stop having the children and don't be embarrassed about it.
Their attitude is absolutely disgusting.

No decent person with an ounce of class about them would send children without pocket money and gifts for you.
As things are tight, they absolutely should absolutely ensure you are not out of pocket.

Really basic manners.

Yabu but they are also being somewhat rude sending the kids to to you without at least a gift or some pocket money for the kids to spend.

I used to have my niece for the majority of the six weeks hols, never once crossed my mind to ask my sister for money and if she'd of offered I would of refused, if I couldn't afford to feed her, I wouldn't of had her.

The answers you’re getting are totally class-based, OP. My gran and aunty and mum always gave each other ‘housekeeping’ when staying - none of them had enough spare to feed extra people for more than a meal or two, and none of them were/are mean people, my friends were always welcome after school/to stay and eat, but more than one meal was a strain. Pooling housekeeping on visits, which were always a few days at least, meant there was cake, fresh fruit, nice cereal etc. it is normal to me to offer/accept cash with family and yours are cheeky fuckers not to offer genuinely what it costs to feed their kids, when they’re asking for the visits. Which would be nearer £50 than £10 a week, if you’re making sure they get treats. Make a fuss! Ask for what they actually cost. They’ll slag you off either way so fuck’em: do it for the kids. You sound really lovely and I bet they’ll stay in your life even if things get frosty with their parents.

YANBU I would never send one of my DC to stay with family without any money. Usually no more than a couple of days..Sometimes it comes back unspent. Your a low income family. 2 growing boys eat a lot. Are they also a low income family? I get the impression they're not.

They are taking the piss out of you. 5/7 days every holiday? Not only are you free childcare they are saving a fortune off you.

It’s family not a rental.

Up to you but it would be a no no in my camp. It’s family. You all budge up and accommodate. If you can’t afford takeaways, don’t bother with them. It’s about family bonding.