AIBU to ask for money from in-laws whilst their son stays?

As if people are giving you hard time..

They are taking the piss out of you. How long has this been going on for? As you've said, it's not like they reciprocate and help you out is it.

And to refuse to pick their own child up when he's feeling unwell is just outrageous not to mention going from one night to four, then not even be home but chilling at a hotel. Can't get over the cheeky fuckery here.

I am amazed at some of the responses. Of course they should send money.
My kids are 8 to 12 and I always send money for play dates. They like to all pop to shop and there is no way I would ask anyone to buy them things.
And family. I am the skint one on family but again I send money for when they are on sleepovers.

OP I think you’re getting a bit of an unfairly hard time. It’s lovely that they all want to come to yours, you clearly provide a safe and fun environment. I’ve always been the one in the family who looks after children, some times I’ve been better off financially than others and it can be really hard. The one time my cousin helped me with childcare for a week (not all day, dropping off and picking up to and from the school her kids also went to) I gave her a £50 Asda voucher. Why should you and your children miss out on spending time with extended family because people are too tight to pay for their kids?

You will really need to be firm- it’ll just be one night so we’ll drop him back tomorrow.
them- oh I’m sure he’d rather stay longer.
you- and we love having him but we just can’t afford the extra mouths, we have told you that. Let us know if you can contribute and then of course he can stay, but I have 3 young children I have to feed, we really can’t do more than 2 nights a month.

Gosh OP I feel for you. You are being taken advantage of. It's obvious the other parents are awful so that's why all the kids love coming to you. Don't let your own kids miss out because other parents are neglecting theirs. Insist on some money or stop having them for more than one day a month. Hope you're DH will support you.

Just say we would love to have him but we can't afford to.

Unkind and not necessary

This. I appreciate that you are a low income family but it doesn't feel right that you expect in laws to give money. I also appreciate how costly it is for McDonald's etc. I support your husband's take on this

what happens if you go round to their house for dinner? do you give them some money towards the food? i know its a shorter period of time, but there are two of you and its same principle. apologies if already mentioned but i dont have time for the whole thread

I think your DH needs to find a moment to have a calm chat with his family and explain what you can and cannot afford to do. I.e. we'd love to have them over, but we don't have enough money to do x, so if they do come, then these are the options...... but the options should maybe include everyone having cheap homemade spag bol or something instead of treat night that week, or their parents chipping in so treat night is affordable.
A family cannot reasonably expect one of its members to spend money that they don't have on being a perfect generous host. My family certainly would never expect that of each other.

@Lilacbluewaters how very selfish of them, with the amount of time you have others children at your house to stay, of course they should be paying for their keep, it is expensive. If it was an occasional day here or there, then that woukd be different. I would never send my kids to somebodies house for a week + and not give them money to feed my kids.

Presumably they get child allowance for the boy? They should at least send you that. I think it is wrong that they do not provide something. After all, it isn't just food, is it? It is the petrol to go out, and admission fees to entertainment. His washing is done by you, and his bed changed and many other things you do for a young teenager. And you have to put up with his changes of mood as puberty kicks in.

They might even send him in holey cloths too small for him and expect you to buy him new, because you cannot go out with him looking like that!

Do not take no for an answer. You are making a rod for your own back. They could save up the money they save, and child allowance and expect you to care for him while they are on holiday.

Don't let it get that far, because the longer you accept it without complaint, the harder it is to ask them when you really do start suffering from using your money on someone else.

I wouldn't dream of expecting my eldest and his partner to fund everything for my youngest during a one-night stay, let alone more. There's 7 years between mine. I have one teen in school and one living independently post graduation. They have a great relationship and the eldest and his lovely girlfriend always extend an open invitation for him to stay independently (he hasn't mustered this yet. Only with me). There'd be no question that I wouldn't fund his food, travel and spends if/when he does. I'm shocked that anyone wouldn't! It's lovely that you're so welcoming, OP. Are they tricky people more generally?

For the sake of a week, I'd say just forget about it.

Op how often exactly does your little bil and nieces and nephews stay with you?

is this a half sibling? If not what does your mil think of it all

are you a stay at home mum. Do you look after his relatives all week while he is at work or is it when he is off work.

Nope, we have done so while we haven’t been in a good position at all. I’m talking broke. But now we are in a great position so I guess you can call that karma. What does your DH say about it I haven’t read all the posts? From OP it seems like you are quite resentful of your in laws. I would hate for him to get stuck in the middle if he wants to take his brother in free of charge. There’s nothing hard to understand, people just have different opinions and mine is that there is nothing wrong with a bit of kindness. If you can’t afford it then you can’t. You say he likes being over yours? There’s probably a reason why. Charging his parents are going to deter them from sending him and he might fall victim to these takeaways and alchohol like you say.

What happens when you say no? You mention it causes issues

That’s a bit harsh to say they are penny pinching. I think it’s polite to send a bit of pocket money for the boy to buy extras when they are staying for almost a week

I wouldn’t. Sounds like something my mom would do. Everything is business first, family after. Don’t be that person. His your brother in law after all. My DH always has SIL around (teenage age) and we get her anything she desires. Never really thought about asking anyone for money.

I wouldn't dream of asking for money but if your short how about you cook cheaper meals like pasta and rice.

I wouldn't now, but I would if I was struggling myself. I think a simple suggestion that you would love to take thrm out to eat and do a few outings and if they could contribute it would mean you can afford to do a few nice things with them while they are there,becuase you havent got a lot of spare funds atm. That should be absolutely fine to say.

His not yours