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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to ask for money from in-laws whilst their son stays?

238 replies

Lilacbluewaters · 26/02/2025 21:27

Just wondering what people’s takes on this are. We have my husbands little brother (he’s 13) stay over at our house in some of the school holidays. Purely because he just likes to be with us and he will stay for around a week. Also our nephew comes too and so when we have to fork out food for both of them (especially things like McDonald’s) it adds up!
so we usually ask for a bit of money whilst he’s here just for things like snacks/treat night when we get a McDonald’s. I usually ask for £10-£20. Not that this matters but we are a low income family and they know that, we love having him with us but I just feel it’s the principal of it that they should give at least £10 to cover some things? Aibu? His dad said no because we are family we shouldn’t ask for money but I think they should offer! I wouldn’t send my children for a week and not give any money

OP posts:
Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 26/02/2025 21:45

miraxxx · 26/02/2025 21:43

There are very poor people in Asia and other parts of the world who'd not dream of asking for money in the circumstances outlined. I just find the cold-blooded and calculating mindset here hard to relate to.

Arn't asians known for having their children provide for them in their old age?

Original poster
Lilacbluewaters · 26/02/2025 21:44

Also it rubbed me the wrong way that they treated themselves to a takeaway but then couldn’t give him a bit of money 😅

OP posts:
miraxxx · 26/02/2025 21:43

There are very poor people in Asia and other parts of the world who'd not dream of asking for money in the circumstances outlined. I just find the cold-blooded and calculating mindset here hard to relate to.

Original poster
Lilacbluewaters · 26/02/2025 21:43

cadburyegg · 26/02/2025 21:33

Are you offering for him to stay or are the parents asking?

I don't think you should offer for him to stay unless you can afford it.

If the parents are asking for you to have him then you're within your rights to say "we'd love to have him to stay but please can you provide him with £X towards food".

Usually it is his idea as he likes to come and see his older brother (my husband) which is really nice, but his parents will say can he stay for 5-7 days

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilacbluewaters · 26/02/2025 21:42

JLou08 · 26/02/2025 21:33

I could never ask for money for having my younger sibling or nephew stay with me. I've never heard of anyone else doing it either, I thought it was normal to treat the children in the extended family. It's always been that way with my family and none of us are high earners.

i wouldn’t as a one off but we have him a lot and sometimes we have his sister and niece and nephew so +4 kids which as you can imagine costs a lot 😅

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 26/02/2025 21:39

I would always send money for longer than a day visit, ask them to send some food with him, 13yr olds are walking dustbins.
Do they look after your children similarly at all? Or is it all one sided?

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 26/02/2025 21:37

JLou08 · 26/02/2025 21:33

I could never ask for money for having my younger sibling or nephew stay with me. I've never heard of anyone else doing it either, I thought it was normal to treat the children in the extended family. It's always been that way with my family and none of us are high earners.

Yeah i think this as well, it comes across like you're being burdened with him, even though I don't think that's your intention

I'd say yabu op, sorry x

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 26/02/2025 21:34

If they ask they should pay it's not fair to put the burden on you. they should at least give you the child benefit

Darkclothes · 26/02/2025 21:33

As they get older, they will be eating ALOT more! Yes, maybe suggesting food is a good idea.
Bag of pasta, favourite cereal, squash etc. Maybe in addition to the money?

If it was a one off, I wouldnt bother, but this seems to be a regular thing.

cadburyegg · 26/02/2025 21:33

Are you offering for him to stay or are the parents asking?

I don't think you should offer for him to stay unless you can afford it.

If the parents are asking for you to have him then you're within your rights to say "we'd love to have him to stay but please can you provide him with £X towards food".

JLou08 · 26/02/2025 21:33

I could never ask for money for having my younger sibling or nephew stay with me. I've never heard of anyone else doing it either, I thought it was normal to treat the children in the extended family. It's always been that way with my family and none of us are high earners.

Hankunamatata · 26/02/2025 21:33

Yes they should send food or money. Teens are pricey. I wouldn't be getting takeaways. It would be home cooked meals and taking pack lunch if heading ut for the day

gamerchick · 26/02/2025 21:29

Ask them to send shopping instead or you can't have him.