No RSVP = No Food

It was enough of an issue for the kid to mention it to the mum when they got home.

But we don't know how that followed: did the kids weep in anguish because they didn't get any food, or did their parents ask them afterwards what food they'd had and they nonchalantly replied that there hadn't been any given to them?

I'm sure they'd had breakfast so they weren't going to die

And I hope they made sure to moan about how their parents hadn't bothered to sort it out

It's about time people remembered their manners

Which is the fault of the parent who dropped the child off knowing there wouldn't be food for them.

OP was kind. They were still able to play and she gave them cupcakes at the end. That was more than enough.

OP doesn't have to 'be kind' to the extent it means enabling the behaviour of parents like that.

OP, I would personally have made up a few extra “standard” food boxes in this situation just in case, just because I’d hate to see kids feeling excluded through no fault of their own.

I’ve been through some very stressful times when my child was young amid domestic abuse and divorce and the aftermath and severe work stress etc. When I’ve been super disorganised because of everything going on and poor mental health (I have bipolar disorder). Plus my child has ADHD and would forget to tell me about people chasing him up at school with a crumpled invitation somewhere in the schoolbag he forgot to give me that I found last minute. And so I have sometimes been the annoying parent that hasn’t RSVPed until the last minute though not sure we ever just turned up at a party without RSVPing at all (partly as in my culture an RSVP is a “nice to have” not a “absolutely necessary” thing, though that more applies to big parties in a hall not a paid for activity where I would RSVP or not go).

Having said that, you did make it super clear on the invitations that food being provided depended on the RSVP. So I don’t think it was necessarily unreasonable of you, but more I personally would have done it differently. I do remember arriving at at least one party where food hadn’t been ordered for my child because of my being last minute with RSVPing. In those situations I ordered and paid for food at the venue myself so my child wouldn’t miss out through my disorganisation (luckily it was usually being provided by the venue not brought from home by the mum but if it was I would have nipped out and got something myself). I totally understood in those situations this was 100 percent on me and wouldn’t blame the mum at all for it. I can’t believe someone wanted to moan at you about it. And I wouldn’t never show up late for collection in addition to being last minute guests. And no way would I send my child without a card and present. That is actually in my mind much more unreasonable than not providing food for a guest that hasn’t RSVPed.

Poor form to be so disorganised at a party that you have no idea you have extra children in the room. You realise you'd be held responsible for that if something happened, not the parent who didn't RSVP?

Why would OP be responsible for children that have been dumped on her by parents who never replied and also didn't even speak to her to 'hand the kids over'?

What if there had been other random kids who hadn't been invited but whose parents were passing and saw there was a party on, and so sent them in to gatecrash before immediately scarpering themselves? Would that have been OP's fault/responsibility for not employing bouncers for an 8yo's birthday party?

How could she? They dropped and ran (what a surprise)

No. Those parents might learn some manners now. And they can feed their kids when they get home

The disingenuousness I’m referring to is the ‘How could I possibly make up spare food boxes without knowing whether those children had allergies, were gluten-intolerant, vegetarian, halal etc?’

Made to pay? They were still able to play and left with a cupcake. They just had to have lunch when they got home.

It was enough of an issue for the kid to mention it to the mum when they got home.

I am very glad so many people weren't routinely excluded when they were children, that they all had wonderful parents who did everything right.

It's baffling to me that so many people are entirely happy to see this happen to other people's kids when all it takes is a little kindness.

OP isn't the disorganised one here. Parents need to take responsibility for not only failing to RSVP but dumping their children knowing that no food would be provided and without even letting OP know and then turning up late once the party was over.

And no doubt you are one of these shit mothers defending the indefensible.

Good for you OP. Whilst its a shame for the children whose parents didn't respond thst they didn't have a food box, at eight they're old enough to be told the reason why there wasn't any food for them and to understand that it's their parents' fault. I always found it shocking how some parents behaved with parties when my daughter was at primary school and how many children were late arriving, late being collected, how many brought uninvited siblings with them, and how many didn't even bring a home made card.

Well done @itsmeits! Fair play to you. You gave everyone reasonable notice and instructions, so you did what you did with the information you had.
It doesn't sound like the kids were bothered, just the CFer parent! How rude to just shove them in, turn up to collect 15 minutes late and then complain that they hadn't had food. Unbelievable! Your response to her was spot on though!
They aren't 'poor children' because you didn't provide them with a food box, they're 'poor children' because their parents are CFers and haven't got their shit together!

It’s not glib, it is highlighting how the real world works. In reality, they should have been turned away at the door. That is what should have happened ( obviously they were sneaky about shoehorning their child in)

If we tolerate such poor behavior this problem gets worse, and we raise a whole generation of children totally ignorant and deficient of the most basic life skills. A humble apology and explanation by the mother wouldn’t have been amiss here, but to dump and run is really poor form.

If I'd of seen them I could have asked someone to nip to mine and make 2 up. If mums had announced present I would have done it. Bit late when DD BF mum points them out as I'm handing out the food.

So you did realise that not having food for them was the wrong thing. And in a public sports centre, not a single scrap of food to be had. Not even a vending machine to get a packet of crisps?

Poor form to be so disorganised at a party that you have no idea you have extra children in the room. You realise you'd be held responsible for that if something happened, not the parent who didn't RSVP?

It's not even just forgetfulness or disorganisation, either.

Remember that these parents who turn up with their unexpected child have taken the time to read the invitation, they added it to their calendar, they've made arrangements to get the child there. They've done all of the things that benefit them; they just haven't cared about the person actually organising and paying for it - not even enough to speak to them for a moment and briefly thank them when dropping off their child.

It's sad that it has to come to it, but I think the suggestion to only confirm the actual venue once people reply is a very good one.

Made to pay? They were still able to play and left with a cupcake. They just had to have lunch when they got home.

It really isn't a big deal and OP made it very clear what would happen so the parents dropped them off knowing there would be no food. That's on them, not OP.

This is a brilliant idea that I’m going to steal!
No RSVP = No Food! Absolute genius!

The child isn’t being disadvantaged, they are learning a very basic and valuable life lesson.

This is such a glib cop out. Pretending that excluding children is a teaching moment.

If you want a teaching moment, how about the child is taught that even though their parents don't show up for them, other adults will. I'd have thought that was a way more valuable lesson than a bit of adult etiquette they will learn as they grow up.

It's the parents fault ultimately, but I wouldn't have let kids A) Not eat and B) Feel singled out among the other kids for being the only ones without food. They obviously felt bad enough about it that they told their parents afterwards.

You'd like to think that the parents of kids with allergies/dietary requirements are going to be switched on enough to make sure food is sorted, so surely there's no harm in making up a handful of 'standard' meals as spares?

Absolutely not unreasonable at all!
I stopped doing big parties because I was sick to death of chasing people up, even up to the day before the party, to find out if they were coming or not! Booked a soft play party, with food, for one party. Had to finalise figures a week before and pay in full for it so double checked with all parents and paid.
Six didn't turn up- 3 didn't even let me know they weren't coming, the other 3 made feeble excuses. I'd paid for those children,and couldn't get my money back. Just rude!

But OP has already had the inconvenience of having to follow up - she's expected to contact them yet again to cover for their complete lack of respect of courtesy?

It's not even just the extra effort; it's the fact that it can feel very embarrassing and come across as really needy to be repeatedly chasing people.

Personally, after an invitation and then a reminder, I would respect the clear implication that they aren't interested and stop bothering them, as well as maintaining my own dignity.

FFS no child is going to starve from not having food at a 2 hour party!
Once again for those at the back, it isn't about the food, it's about exclusion.

Even when my kids were small there were parties where you would only get food if you pre ordered in places like laser quest etc.

At those places, you meet the kids at the door and have them signed in. You can't just turn up and drop kids off.

Sending your kids to a party when you’ve been reminded several times that food needs to be pre ordered and then having the nerve to complain is ridiculously entitled behaviour. I don’t get this weird thing on MN where everyone is expected to pander to everyone else’s kids.

The parent was rude, the child was not. It isn't pandering to understand the difference there.

No wonder so many of them have MH issues by late teens if they have been brought up to expect everyone to mollycoddle them.

More likely they have MH issues by late teens if they have been made to feel like they are unworthy of being somewhere, with parents who leave them places where the other adults around them feel that the chance of "wasting" half a cheese sandwich is so awful, they are willing to see young children excluded. OP was so hyper focused on making a point to these terrible parents, she chose to exclude children to do it.

If you don't want people,who haven't RSVPd to your party to come in, stand at the door, meet parents and have the conversation with them.

For sure everyone calling op a meany cat are the very sane parents that behave like this.
It takes one second to RSVP. If your life is so out of control you can’t find the seconds it takes to reply, then I suggest party food is the least of your worries.