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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU re Mother's Day?

55 replies

leelou11 · 26/02/2025 20:43

Hi! Quick post, nothing has been said but wanting to sound out others views on the matter.

Had child, 5 months old. First Mother's Day together as a family and I've suggested that we go to the zoo/aquarium for the day. DH is happy with this.

MIL has suggested going to hers for a roast as a family (with her 3 other sons). The weekend prior we are already going out together for a roast. I don't have the best relationship with his mum as she's very overbearing, but I keep my opinions to myself for family's sake.

DH suggested seeing his mother the day before or day after (I am seeing my mother the day after) but MIL suggested that she wouldn't be happy with this and wants to see them all together. She said she's invited me so doesn't see why we can't all go.

AIBU to want to spend my first Mother's Day together as a family, not to include M/BIL? What do others do for Mother's Day?

TIA

OP posts:
NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 26/02/2025 20:51

You're a new mum and it's your first Mothers day, of course it should be about you.

She can get everyone together for her birthday, she's had decades of being centre of attention on mothers day.

I fully expect, when my kids start their own families, that they will be doting on the woman who has the day to day grunt work of being a mum to a little kid, I would be annoyed if that wasn't the case actually.

potoftea · 26/02/2025 20:50

It's your first one, so it's time to put your own family first.
Mothers must realise that they take a step down the pecking order firstly when their children marry, and secondly when they become parents.

It's the proper order of life and if MIL doesn't understand that, it's tough on her but not your issue.
And I'm saying this as a grandmother. My DIL will be my son's priority on the day as his children are too young, and my daughter will be relaxing with her family treating her.
I'd be very upset if I don't get a message or card, but I totally understand I'm now in second place.

SleepToad · 26/02/2025 20:50

Ok 5 months in. Time to set boundaries. Explain nicely that you are now a mother too. It's your day too and you as a family have your own plans.

Make sure your dh is on board. Just keep saying no, we have plans for mothers day now I am a mother.

outerspacepotato · 26/02/2025 20:48

Tough for MIL. I would make my own plans with my family.

Especially when you were just there the week before eating the same thing and she's overbearing (and trying to take over Mother's Day). Her sons are grown and she can't expect to be the central focus now. The aquarium sounds like fun.

festivemouse · 26/02/2025 20:47

I think this is just one of those things - I'm sure it's lovely for MIL to get all her children together again, especially on Mother's Day. However that torch has now passed to you as the new mother and especially for your first Mother's Day it would be lovely to do something as your own family unit.

You're seeing your mum the day after, so it's totally reasonable to see your MIL the day before. If this is your first Mother's Day it's probably the first time she's needed to consider sharing the day! Just reiterate you're excited to see her the day before and I'm sure she'll come round 😊