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Original poster

Blind date - who pays if...?

38 replies

myslippersarepink · 26/02/2025 20:30

I've just watched First Dates on tv. I can't believe how many women let the guy pay for the date and then say they don't want to see them again.

The last couple, the waitress asked how they wanted to pay the bill, cue awkward silence as the woman took a sip of her drink, then half heartedly asked if he wanted her to split it with him so the guy felt he had to offer to pay it all. She then turned him down for a second date after he said he would see her again!!

How can woman like that be so rude and entitled. Surely if you told intend to see someone again, you shouldn't expect them to pay for you?

Is it just me that thinks that's unacceptable?

OP posts:
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KilkennyCats · 27/02/2025 15:04

Newbie8918 · 27/02/2025 08:34

@Bunnyboot out of curiosity.......are you single?

Terminally so, I suspect.

Hillarious · 27/02/2025 15:00

Bunnyboot · 26/02/2025 20:59

The man should always pay in my book without the woman owing him anything in return. If he resents this then he should leave dating and focus on earning more money.

I may just hit the dating scene if it means free meals!

ItGhoul · 27/02/2025 12:09

Miaowzabella · 27/02/2025 09:53

Good luck catching a man with that approach, dearie.

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I suspect Bunnyboot actually is a man, tbh.

I'd split it, personally. I don't expect a man to pay for things just because he's a man. Whether or not I want to see him again is irrelevant; I'd split it regardless. Once the relationship was established I'd just take turns to pay.

Miaowzabella · 27/02/2025 09:53

Bunnyboot · 27/02/2025 07:53

I bring nothing to the table

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Good luck catching a man with that approach, dearie.

CaptainFuture · 27/02/2025 09:23

@Beautifulhaiku a proper gentleman, who puts his cloak over puddles, defends you from rakes, and fights with pistols at dawn for your honour.... #swoon...
Of course! 😄

chivalrous ichabod crane GIF
Sharptonguedwoman · 27/02/2025 09:22

Bunnyboot · 26/02/2025 20:59

The man should always pay in my book without the woman owing him anything in return. If he resents this then he should leave dating and focus on earning more money.

A little dated here, maybe?

Beautifulhaiku · 27/02/2025 09:10

What does ‘gentlemanly’ even mean? Both people should be treating each other with respect and kindness, why should that depend on gender? Also where does that leave two men or two women on a date? The whole thing just seems completely weird and something that we should have got over by now. I’ve always split on dates or taken turns, and now I’m married I pay more because I earn more. We’re a partnership. I really think ‘gentlemanliness’ belongs with things like ‘girls’ jobs and boys’ jobs’ and women ending up picking up most of the emotional/invisible labour for a household. Why don’t we agree to move on from all that? Sorry for the rant, I just don’t get it.

TheGrimSmile · 27/02/2025 08:53

Bunnyboot · 27/02/2025 07:53

I bring nothing to the table

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Then you will reap what you sow in life, Bunnyboot.

TheGrimSmile · 27/02/2025 08:51

Bunnyboot · 26/02/2025 20:59

The man should always pay in my book without the woman owing him anything in return. If he resents this then he should leave dating and focus on earning more money.

You sound like an Andrew Tate disciple

JassyRadlett · 27/02/2025 08:43

A certain type of woman is so surprised when her husband turns out to be a lazy entitled shit around the home, especially after they have kids, without realising she's been filtering for that type from the first date.

Newbie8918 · 27/02/2025 08:34

@Bunnyboot out of curiosity.......are you single?

ilovesooty · 27/02/2025 08:04

Bunnyboot · 27/02/2025 07:53

I bring nothing to the table

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That's pretty evident.

Bunnyboot · 27/02/2025 07:53

WilfredsPies · 26/02/2025 23:38

Out of curiosity, what are you bringing to the table?

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I bring nothing to the table

SprinkleOfSunak · 26/02/2025 23:58

I agree OP.

I love watching First Dates but I’m always shocked about how many women seem to expect the man to pay, especially when they have no intention of going on a second date. I find it very disrespectful.

When I was younger and single I was always uncomfortable with the concept of the man paying on dates that had been drummed into me by family. I always used to say, ‘but once he has paid won’t he expect something in return?’ Obviously a true gentleman wouldn’t, but I am of the impression that some men may think ‘I’ve spent £100 on dinner and now I expect a shag,’ and on a first date how am I to know which are the true gentlemen and which only expect one thing or are potential rapists?

namechangedforthisquestion1 · 26/02/2025 23:46

LittleRedRidingHoody · 26/02/2025 21:04

This is such a tricky one! I like 50/50 in theory but I do find the men who immediately offer and pay without fuss are generally better mannered/more 'gentlemanly' overall ~ so it's subconsciously become a green flag for me 😂

If I knew it wasn't working out I'd pay half though. And if we were going to see each other again and he did pay I'd make a point of paying the next time.

I agree with LRRH completely and I've found the same, men who pay on a first date are always more gentlemanly....however I do always suggest a cheap date kind of a coffee and walk as a first date so if we don't get on the poor chap hasn't paid for a 3 course meal.

healthybychristmas · 26/02/2025 23:38

I think age has to come into it as well. I'm older and wouldn't be interested in someone who wanted to split the cost of a cup of coffee. If I was 21 and going on several dates a week things might be different.

WilfredsPies · 26/02/2025 23:38

Bunnyboot · 26/02/2025 21:40

Because that's the role of men, to provide and protect (with his money). Paying on a date is the least he could do to show me he can take care of me. He is auditioning to be my man, generousity and wealth are essential. This isn't a friend's meeting.

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Out of curiosity, what are you bringing to the table?

JenniferBooth · 26/02/2025 23:29

I really want a woman to turn up with a skirt on with unshaven legs on First Dates Lets see if her date REALLY believes in feminism or just the part that suits him financially.
Lets see if their Twitter fans follow through on their beliefs too

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 26/02/2025 23:29

If I know there's not going to be a second date, I would insist on splitting the bill.

If I liked him then I would offer to split and then if he insisted I would gratefully accept.

If he didn't offer and insist on paying for the first date, I wouldn't go out with him again.

But I would be happy to split future dates with someone I liked.

There's been a direct correlation between those who insist on paying for the first date and a general vibe of gentlemanly / generosity / valuing my time.

I've found those that assume the bill is going to be split (and don't offer) are those who go on several dates a week and are essentially wanting to add you to their roster.

They also have never seemed to think spending time with me was something to be appreciative of.

healthybychristmas · 26/02/2025 23:22

I think you should just go for drinks on a first date. The person who asked for the date should buy the first round. If the second person wants to continue with the date then they should buy the second round and just keep going like that.

On first dates on TV then neither has asked so the bill should be split particularly as they are on the television!

Chunkilumptious · 26/02/2025 22:09

LittleRedRidingHoody · 26/02/2025 21:04

This is such a tricky one! I like 50/50 in theory but I do find the men who immediately offer and pay without fuss are generally better mannered/more 'gentlemanly' overall ~ so it's subconsciously become a green flag for me 😂

If I knew it wasn't working out I'd pay half though. And if we were going to see each other again and he did pay I'd make a point of paying the next time.

I agree with this overall.

ilovesooty · 26/02/2025 22:06

Bunnyboot · 26/02/2025 21:40

Because that's the role of men, to provide and protect (with his money). Paying on a date is the least he could do to show me he can take care of me. He is auditioning to be my man, generousity and wealth are essential. This isn't a friend's meeting.

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If he doesn't go along with this kind of behaviour he's dodged a bullet. If he does, he's a mug.

ilovesooty · 26/02/2025 22:04

LaceWingMother · 26/02/2025 21:19

Jesus Christ, which century are you living in?!

Edited
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The 1950s are calling. We still see women who think this kind of sponging is acceptable.

Otterhound · 26/02/2025 21:56

The woman should always pay in my book without the man owing her anything in return. If she resents this then she should leave dating and focus on earning more money.

YourIcyReader · 26/02/2025 21:54

My default is to split. BUT if they offer to pay and I’m keen for a second date I accept, then I’d offer to pay the next one. It’s 2025 and I’m not a kept woman!