Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

DS is SEN, and homework is optional in this house. I will always support and help but I will never force it.

He comes home from school burnt out most days and can learn the contents of the homework much better through play.

We've tried to get him to sit at a table with pen and paper and modelled letters and shapes and mark making but unless he wants to engage it won't happen.

His school have never required indoor shoes or books in bags though. We send a pair of mud boots at the beginning of the year and they use those outdoors if the weather is particularly bad but PE kits are worn all day on PE day and shoes aren't changed unless necessary.

The books they want to read are online books and again I can't get him to engage in online content so it doesn't happen.

I’m one of the minority who loved a project and would’ve really got into it if I’d been given even a couple of days notice to buy/source the materials etc.

My DC have reading ages well beyond their age. And truthfully? I didn’t push it on them. DS is AuDHD and it’s impossible to get him to do homework without meltdowns. He wasn’t diagnosed in primary, so would’ve been considered a ‘normal’ kid. Getting him to do homework nearly broke me and one of the best things about a diagnosis was realising it was like trying to teach a fish to tap dance. I had so much guilt about not having done his spellings that I was exhausted and ashamed, so it made it even harder to contemplate.

but I read a lot to him, watch the news together and talk a lot which is just as important as reading.

Im very much into education and was a total swot as a child who loved homework! The thought that my child didn’t really upset me.

Thats a long way of saying that it’s going to be different factors in every family

I agree, my first dc were born in the 70's. You described both their life (and mine in the 60's!)

Well, it is.

You can’t change attitudes. All you can do is teach them as best you can in the classroom.

Life in 2025 isn't the same as when many of us were infant school pupils.

My parents both worked long hours and we had childminders but I was hyperlexic and reading alone at 3, doing maths from 3, I was mostly OK left to my own devices with a reminder to do it from my mum.

Time was at a premium during the week but if I needed help, my mum would try.

Letters came home in the bottom of the school bag, or in the reading folder.

Compared to now, where I was reviewing every single letter via email, and every single notice with any kind of info, sports stuff, newsletter, requests, absolutely everything is digital.

Current secondary better than the last one, thankfully. Except every single thing, no matter how small, has to be downloaded to my device (ie my phone) to be read. I rarely open any emails, which has started biting me on the butt recently, but I'm too overwhelmed and have irlens syndrome.

We are expected to flog ourselves to pay bills, run the house, feed everyone, do life admin, parent the kids and to read every single letter sent via email and respond if necessary, plus get 5 minutes somehow to stop, and get to sleep again, for it all to begin again the next day.

It's no longer just a reading book and perhaps a couple of spellings - it's this app, that teams software, we didn't have a computer or laptop or suitable tablet for a very long time and couldn't access things. Teams has never, ever worked on a single one of my devices either.

My household are neurodivergent and my youngest is dyslexic. She went to a couple of primaries, each dailed her, I took her out to be home educated for a couple of years in the end and that's when she finally began engaging with books again. School had put so much pressure on her. And me. They treated me terribly. She has sen ffs.

I don't agree with homework before secondary. Reading is important but I'd be more inclined to get more staff or volunteers in to listen to them reading so it was all done in school, and ask families to read books from home or the library etc, and encourage them to talk about their books in school to make them more fun.

I reckon it'll continue to go the way you're experiencing parents now, the demands of modern life are overwhelming and so many parents are burnt the fuck out.

I know it's hard, but it depends whether it's a priority or not in your family

It's a hell of a lot easier to prioritize homework and reading when you are prioritizing it over going to the park or baking cakes rather than prioritizing it over getting to your 2nd job on time or getting round to your terminal parents house to provide care for them or making sure you can get the kids in to bed before your abusive DH comes home so they don't have to witness it

I often find people on MN have very little idea about just how far removed from their own some people's situations are

5 year olds aren't suffering for not doing homework. I have a Yr 1 and a yr 6 child. Homework is not a battle im having with a 5 year old, luckily he does the 3 pages he gets a week on Sunday without complaint but anymore than that and I wouldn't be forcing him to do it as I think its pointless at this age. We do make sure we read every single night, him to me and me to him. I do sometimes forget to sign his reading record, though. In between both of us working full time and everything else that needs doing, it's not always easy to keep up with everything. My children are progressing brilliantly, so I'm not worried about them suffering because i forgot to pop their reading book back in their book bag. Maybe just accept that most people are doing their best but aren't perfect.

That's always been the same.

No it hasn't.

I honestly think it's a sad indictment of the quality of our education system and teacher training that yr1 children are being sent home with spelling homework.

There's many parents here quoting the latest research and clearly a teacher doesn't know it, abysmal.

I would guess it's a mixture of reasons and you've ended up with a perfect storm this year.

Parents who would love to be engaged but they are stressed at work / caring for an ill relative / working horrible shifts / something else.

Parents who hated every minute of school and only really see it as free childcare.

Parents who think their child is a genius and the homework is a waste of time (probably half of them will be correct and half really badly wrong!)

I actually think this is quite a lot every night.

I do think that parents should be making sure children have everything they need for school, but I don't think they should have a large amount of compulsory homework at this age.

You sound like a great teacher OP! Please don’t lose hope. What percentage of the parents do engage with what you are offering and do you receive any words of gratitude from the parents? I think my DS’ year 1 teacher does a wonderful job!
My DS can be super tired after school and needs some low demand time so we sometimes practise spellings on the way up to school - or when he has a bit more energy. He also reads his book before bed. That’s all we are asked to do as yet from his teacher.

Hardly any of them read at home. We ask for one signature per read (5 a week).

I rarely signed that sheet. We rarely read the crappy books she was sent home with. They bored all of us stupid and we had much more interesting stuff for her to do. Reading in her life was always something she chose to do when she wanted it, reading whatever she chose. Not as a nightly chore reading the dirge that passes for primary school reading books.

Oh gosh yes.

'Your child needs to bring in their pe kit tomorrow' for x activity we haven't mentioned until now

WHICH CHILD?!

My DS often doesn't do homework. He's autistic, only just manages the school day and has a long journey before and after school. By the time he gets in at 4.00, he's mental done and sits with a blanket over his head for at least an hour to block out the world and re-regulate. By the time he'd be in any state to actually do it, we need to be getting on with tea & bed.

He also doesn't like the blurring of home and school stuff, and needs the transition to be absolute. Getting school stuff out at home causes issues, in the same was casual cloths at school does.

We actually do a fair amount of educational stuff at home and read for pleasure at bedtime. I'd rather he continues to do that happily and willingly, then battle with him to read the 'right' book for school.

Single parent, working full time 5 days a week (not 3 days a week) three children, a commute.
Sole responsibility for cooking, shopping, cleaning and all household tasks.

All the apps for different homework is a nightmare with login codes , reading etc. not to mention all the different events, activities, reading, spellings

One single sheet a night to be completed and returned would be much more likely to be done

It's all too much for a 5 year old anyway

That's always been the same.

I have a son in year 1, and a 3yo daughter in nursery. We both work full time. We don't do homework. We started out doing it in reception, but ds was crying himself to sleep because he was so worried about not being perfect. He cries because of the pressure not to be anything less than perfect (a green card) at school everyday (even though he never has been). He cries because he is anxious, has ongoing health conditions (1 surgery out of 3 behind us), and because he doesn't get enough of us. I can't even imagine if spellings were dumped on top!

We quit homework. The books are boring and the maths app is awful. We buy/borrow other reading scheme books instead, which he loves, and he is with 2 other kids in the top/last phonics band for the entire year. We buy a lot of maths/logic books, because he was assessed by nhs child development as 5+ yeas ahead in this area and undestimulated and hyperactive as a result. We read everyday before bed, we craft, do puzzles, etc, related to his interests. He wrote and illustrated (poorly but v cute!) a bloody book over the Easter holidays based on his current favourite story!

Just because some parents aren't filling in reading journals or following the 1 size fits all approach for education doesn't mean they're not engaged.

I also can't believe spellings and tests are in the best interest of year 1 kids. Maybe the school needs to coordinate with the council on this?

So year 1 are 5 and 6 year old children.

School is a long day for them. Mine would explode out of school full of suppressed energy and often frustration at the petty restrictions that are normal in school life.

When they get home they need time to relax, play, spend time with family, eat and get ready for bed.

I read to my children, but what I did not do was dutifully write some inane comment daily and sign that I had done so. Why would I? Why did the teacher need 'proof' of actions taking place within my own home?

Parents have no ability to change things at school - even the things they disagree with. Yet teachers feel able to dictate what happens within a home environment - one headteacher even specified bedtimes.

School need to stick to issues in school and leave home to parents.

Yes yes home/school co-operation is key - but that only ever works in one direction I find.

Oh god, this was my mum when I was a kid. She was a single mum, full time job in the day and cleaning job at night. My brother used to look after us. She was barely able to get our dinners sorted and lunch box filled poor thing. She killed herself trying to provide for us so yes unfortunately we were often unprepared for school.

I didn't bother with homework beyond spellings and timetables practice on primary. There's no evidence that it improves outcomes. We also didn't bother with the school reading books as my kids found them boring and I wanted reading at home to be a fun experience.

However, we encouraged reading at home and provided plenty of wide ranging reading materials, talked to them about everything, took them to lots of places, supported a wide range of extra-curricular and generally gave them an enriching childhood. We engaged tutors when they needed more support.

All three of my kids are high achievers with lots of interests and are generally bright, well-rounded, polite, kind, popular, engaged kids so it worked!