Page 17 | Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

Purpleturtle43 · 2025-02-26T19:00:47+00:00

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class! The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home. Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around. I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school. I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time. If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

Meadowfinch · 27/02/2025 01:17

ExIssues · 27/02/2025 00:00

Ok...so my argument is that education is valuable to help people earn more. You are saying education is worthless because social class/inherited wealth is more important?

I say the opposite. People of a lower social class tend to value education less and therefore achieve less. The same education is available to everyone, only a tiny minority attend private schools.

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Agreed @ExIssues

I'm from a family of seven, free school meals, close to the breadline as children BUT my dm always insisted school was an absolute, no excuses, and she was right.

We now have five bachelor's, two masters and a doctorate between us. A chartered accountant, a deputy head, a marketing director. All have good incomes, comfortable homes, security, three with children at private school.

I will never understand the low value some people place on the education of their children.

Printedword · 27/02/2025 01:15

0ohLarLar · 26/02/2025 23:16

Extra curricular has a lot less value than a tiny amount of homework.

I totally disagree. My kids gain more from piano lessons than they do from:

pointless short recall spellings which most educators agree have no benefit
app based, gamified/addictive maths home work that is too easy
web based "reading comprehension" like read theory, which has a lot of poorly worded questions and gives you more points/badges getting 60% on each of 2 rushed tests, than scoring 100% doing one really well.

I suspect many of OPs parents do hear their kids read but they do not sign the record as recognise it is pointless.

Piano sounds good, but most Yr1 extra curricular won't be piano lessons

tellmesomethingtrue · 27/02/2025 01:06

oldandknackerd · 26/02/2025 19:30

Because I'm not trying to get a very tired 5/6 year old to read or learn spellings at 6pm after getting home from the child minders when ive still got to do tea and bath time is counter productive...We had to be up again and ready to leave the house at 7.15 am so it's a long day for little ones...I chose to spend the spare 20 mins reading to my kids at bed time and hopefully giving them a life long love of books and reading instead of battling biff and kip

Very well said!!

Meadowfinch · 27/02/2025 01:05

We always did reading and spelling words, I provided a case full of pencils and pens, ds's sports kit, indoor shoes etc. Regular homework was no issue despite me being a full time working single mum. I only have one DC.

However, I had a sense of humour failure when DS was asked to make a model of WWI trenches one weekend. After several failed attempts, I ended up making them out of chocolate sponge cake and lolly sticks, late on Sunday night. A step too far 😁

tellmesomethingtrue · 27/02/2025 01:01

This reply has been deleted

Post withdrawn at author's request

Are you kidding?? That is so much homework. Sometimes we can't even fit in a bath as get back too late from after school childcare, sports clubs or scouts.

RawBloomers · 27/02/2025 01:00

ExIssues · 27/02/2025 00:00

Ok...so my argument is that education is valuable to help people earn more. You are saying education is worthless because social class/inherited wealth is more important?

I say the opposite. People of a lower social class tend to value education less and therefore achieve less. The same education is available to everyone, only a tiny minority attend private schools.

Show quote history

Evidence over the last few decades, in which more and more people are educated to a higher level and wages have stagnated, suggest your reason for valuing education may be flawed.

tellmesomethingtrue · 27/02/2025 00:59

Lack of time
Lack of money
Lack of education
Lack of English
Can't drive to shop
Don't have on-line shopping
Chaotic home environment
Homelessness
Lack of IT skills
Lack of smart phone/laptop

tellmesomethingtrue · 27/02/2025 00:57

I didn't engage with homework until they were in year 5 or my children wanted to do their own homework project based on their current topic. I always made time for reading though.

Caiti19 · 27/02/2025 00:55

That must be disheartening. I appreciate a bit of homework as a means of consolidating learning. I see you said it's uploaded though. This can be a royal pain in the ass for parents/childminders/whoever child goes to after school. Might be an interesting experiment to see if engagement increases by gluing the worksheets into workbooks, where the child can fully own it without adult facilitating access to Internet.

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/02/2025 00:49

ExIssues · 27/02/2025 00:37

This is horrendous? Frozen sandwiches?

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Actually, it works!

At one point I was a mother of 5 school aged kids and making lunches was the WORST of all the jobs, of which there were many! I read about pre-making and freezing sandwiches and was very sceptical but I tried it as I was desperate!

After a couple of weeks of the kids saying that their lunches were fine I spent a Sunday afternoon making enough sandwiches for a month. The trick is to pick your fillings (cheese/ham works well, spreads dont) and get air tight bags to store them in. Expensive to start with but as they bring their rubbish home you can wash and re-use the bags. Google the best sandwiches to premake, grated cheese is better than sliced for example and dont freeze salad!

Made a massive difference. Grab 5 lots of sandwiches out of the freezer, bung them in the bags and by lunchtime they were defrosted and the drinks etc were still cold. Give it a go!

ETA......just remembered it wasnt a months worth when they all took sandwiches! It was per week, would have needed a chest freezer bigger than the house for a months worth haha!

Killam · 27/02/2025 00:46

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

echt · 27/02/2025 00:46

ExIssues · 27/02/2025 00:00

Ok...so my argument is that education is valuable to help people earn more. You are saying education is worthless because social class/inherited wealth is more important?

I say the opposite. People of a lower social class tend to value education less and therefore achieve less. The same education is available to everyone, only a tiny minority attend private schools.

Show quote history

I'll try again, with the quote this time!

No. I did not say education is worthless so stop putting words in my mouth. The report says educational attainment and social class are closely linked in the UK. Always have been as it happens.

You ascribe the lower achievement of lower class students to a class-based attitude, which is change at least from your earlier claims to "inherited characteristics" being part of the mix.
Do you have any evidence for this?

echt · 27/02/2025 00:42

No. I did not say education is worthless so stop putting words in my mouth. The report says educational attainment and social class are closely linked in the UK. Always have been as it happens.

You ascribe the lower achievement of lower class students to a class-based attitude, which is change at least from your earlier claims to "inherited characteristics" being part of the mix.

Do you have any evidence for this?

ExIssues · 27/02/2025 00:37

user1492757084 · 26/02/2025 23:43

Knowing that children can be independent, two things might help. They appeal to the child's ability to act themselves.

Give out hints on a how to cope with family life and asking for parents to offer their's up to share.

Such as .. Freeze sandwiches made on the weekend. Have snacks and fruit sorted. Kids pack their own lunchbox straight after breakfast - sandwich, fruit, vege snack, snack, water bottle. Kid packs own school bag, including sports gear. Wear uniform for two days. Bath every second day. School age can bathe themselves. Kid reads at set time every day - in car, while waiting for dinner, before bed, when ready for school, straight after teeth cleaning etc. Encourage charts. No screens during school week. There is other stuff to do.

Start three or four teams in the classroom or use already allocated houses. Have a weekly winning house.

Each team has 100 points and every time someone doesn't complete reading, homework or forgets their gym gear a point is taken off. So every child can loose three points each day! Mark the points on a visible board and have each child wipe them off. Display ther board for the class to see. Reward the winning house every week with something meaningful. Keep tally so that there is a monthly winner and a yearly champion team. Kids like helping their team mates.

Speak to the children like they are responsible for their own learning. They can instigate reading. They can remember their gym gear and complete the occasional homework sheet/spelling etc. Remind them to help their parents by putting their clothes in the wash, not leaving shoes at school etc. Give the kids hints of when to read to parents - for example when Mum is scrolling stop her and read. When Dad is watching tv turn it off and read.

You have my full sympathy. Family life has never been busier and stress of finances is high. It is hard for parents to prioritise teacher's requests. I think appealing to the child's capacity to influence their own outcomes could relieve parents and achieve positive outcomes.

This is horrendous? Frozen sandwiches?

Livelovebehappy · 27/02/2025 00:29

I admire anyone going into teaching. It must be a thankless job, with increasing expectations of what teachers should provide - meeting emotional needs of children, as well as actually teaching them. It used to be just undisciplined children who needed to be controlled, but now often it’s equally undisciplined parents I’m afraid. My neighbour is a TA, and there’s always parents kicking off on a daily basis.

takealettermsjones · 27/02/2025 00:16

Liliol · 27/02/2025 00:07

Definitely, but technology, logins and apps are part of life.

The thread the other day about what people got up to as teens on the web in it's infancy was hilarious but eye opening. Kids need to learn to navigate independently for the right reasons, not avoid it.

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Yeah but that's not the point - that poster probably has a lot more time for logging into stuff after the kids are in bed and she can breathe, get in bed with a brew and browse MN for a bit (which, incidentally, remembers your info so no repeated logging in 😉). It's not comparable to having to rush around in the 2 ish hours between hometime and bedtime to find the tablet, find the login details, set it up etc - probably while also managing other children (and keeping their sticky fingers away from said tablet), and cooking the tea and what not. Much easier and quicker if it's just a worksheet at the kitchen table. And yes fine, kids need to navigate the internet eventually, but we're talking about 5-6 year olds. There's masses of research suggesting that screen time is bad for their brains at this age, and that's not to mention the fact that as soon as you sit them down with a tablet they immediately want to go on the games/drawing apps/watching videos etc or whatever else it does, rather than sitting and doing their spellings. I'm not really sure that "but you've got time to go on Mumsnet" actually addresses any of that.

MumChp · 27/02/2025 00:15

Liliol · 27/02/2025 00:07

Definitely, but technology, logins and apps are part of life.

The thread the other day about what people got up to as teens on the web in it's infancy was hilarious but eye opening. Kids need to learn to navigate independently for the right reasons, not avoid it.

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Not part of life in Year1.

ExIssues · 27/02/2025 00:09

NewMarmiteJar · 26/02/2025 22:13

Could it be that they don't believe kids that age should be doing homework so protest silently in ignoring it?

Have they been told what they are expected to do to support their kids?

Being generation x we were never set homework until secondary school.

My parents were simply never involved, perhaps aside from ingredients for cooking lessons and PE kits.

I'm generation x. Primary school was a glorious riot of craft, Christmas plays, playing outside and project work. Any academic stuff was child led. You could choose your own books from the school library (not Enid blyton though - that was banned).

MumChp · 27/02/2025 00:08

Liliol · 27/02/2025 00:03

Out of interest, is it a massive faff to log in to MN? Or does it take seconds and you accept it's the medium for what you want to spend your time achieving?

Edited

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MN isn't to be compared with school's stuff. If only school's apps and webpage were that easy!

Liliol · 27/02/2025 00:07

takealettermsjones · 27/02/2025 00:05

Given that it's gone midnight I think it's safe to say the kids are in bed now 🤣

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Definitely, but technology, logins and apps are part of life.

The thread the other day about what people got up to as teens on the web in it's infancy was hilarious but eye opening. Kids need to learn to navigate independently for the right reasons, not avoid it.

takealettermsjones · 27/02/2025 00:05

Liliol · 27/02/2025 00:03

Out of interest, is it a massive faff to log in to MN? Or does it take seconds and you accept it's the medium for what you want to spend your time achieving?

Edited

Show quote history

Given that it's gone midnight I think it's safe to say the kids are in bed now 🤣

MumChp · 27/02/2025 00:04

ExIssues · 27/02/2025 00:00

Ok...so my argument is that education is valuable to help people earn more. You are saying education is worthless because social class/inherited wealth is more important?

I say the opposite. People of a lower social class tend to value education less and therefore achieve less. The same education is available to everyone, only a tiny minority attend private schools.

Show quote history

And only a few pupils from deprived families attend grammar schools. It was very visible what kind of parents the kids in my children's grammar school had.
Few poor parents can get their children tutored to a place in a grammar.

Liliol · 27/02/2025 00:03

Stardogchampion · 27/02/2025 00:01

Honestly parents are just so overwhelmed now. As a working mum of two I really am trying my best and I care about my child's education, but I do drop the ball and miss things (like spelling homework) sometimes because it's hard to keep up. Me and DH both work, juggling our hours to enable us to do school drop off and pick up, but we have to make up that work time later plus do dinner, bath, bedtime, laundry, handle DC2's toddler tantrums, prep everything for the next day to do it all again. I have an extensive to-do list for work, and for home, and when I get an email from the school to ask me to donate empty yoghurt pots for a craft day or whatever while I'm running myself ragged trying to keep everyone alive whilst stressing about money because simply existing is so expensive now I just don't always have the headspace to engage.

FWIW I do think printed worksheets for spelling would make it easier, our school doesn't provide these and it's a pain doing homework that requires logging into an app which is a massive faff.

Out of interest, is it a massive faff to log in to MN? Or does it take seconds and you accept it's the medium for what you want to spend your time achieving?

Stardogchampion · 27/02/2025 00:01

Honestly parents are just so overwhelmed now. As a working mum of two I really am trying my best and I care about my child's education, but I do drop the ball and miss things (like spelling homework) sometimes because it's hard to keep up. Me and DH both work, juggling our hours to enable us to do school drop off and pick up, but we have to make up that work time later plus do dinner, bath, bedtime, laundry, handle DC2's toddler tantrums, prep everything for the next day to do it all again. I have an extensive to-do list for work, and for home, and when I get an email from the school to ask me to donate empty yoghurt pots for a craft day or whatever while I'm running myself ragged trying to keep everyone alive whilst stressing about money because simply existing is so expensive now I just don't always have the headspace to engage.

FWIW I do think printed worksheets for spelling would make it easier, our school doesn't provide these and it's a pain doing homework that requires logging into an app which is a massive faff.

ExIssues · 27/02/2025 00:00

echt · 26/02/2025 21:51

The report makes it clear and social class, has always been the deciding factor. Research has always come back with the same results for the UK.

Show quote history

Ok...so my argument is that education is valuable to help people earn more. You are saying education is worthless because social class/inherited wealth is more important?

I say the opposite. People of a lower social class tend to value education less and therefore achieve less. The same education is available to everyone, only a tiny minority attend private schools.