Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

I think the homework expectations have become silly in primary schools. Ours has done the same and sets one piece a week across all year groups. I find it frustrating however as a parent that this doesn't get marked properly. My son had a tricky maths problem, I even noted this in his book asking for help on how we would answer it but the teacher simply stamped the page with her marking stamp - no help on how to do it! If schools are going to set homework I feel it needs to be meaningful and teachers have time to actually mark it.

I don't agree with spellings for year 1 and imagine parents think this is too much. Some (where I am) can barely write their name so I am not sure how you can do this. I would rather focus on letter formation, making sure they do these correctly and the right way round (b/d) and knowing capital letters and lowercase letters.

I do think they should be doing reading and I assume the book is inline with their phonics group. I imagine some of these parents may also complain if their child doesn't move phonics groups.

PE our school is the same, they get changed for PE and get changed after. This is an important skill especially in the early years and you can see the difference at the start and end of the year in kids gaining independence at dressing themselves and quickly!

I don't understand the pencil cases. All our equipment is provided. They have pen/pencil pots on each table and assumed this was the norm. Indoor shoes (slippers) was only a thing when my kids were in the school nursery block. I can see why you might do this, but I can see why parents might also think this is unnecessary.

I think it's interesting to see how different schools operate and what the expectations are.

OP is your school in a particularly “leafy” area? Even if it is, you and your colleagues should be aware of the kind of current strains on some families

Because by the time we all get home it is gone 6pm, they want play and connection, bath and bedtime. We can fit reading into that routine no problem but daily homework is never going to happen. A bit at the weekend maybe. But they are so young still I don't agree with much.

I've always been on top of things with my DD, made sure she did her homework and had everything she needed but I wasn't working then so it was easier. Now DS has started school and I'm working full time and I don't always remember to make sure he does his homework (though I have no excuse really because at this point it's once a week and is writing words starting with the letter of the week. 5 minutes work tops. So I hang my head in shame)
Worst thing though was when I forgot to go to parents evening! His teacher is lovely though and rearranged it for us, and spent a good half hour chatting to us about how he's getting on.

I don’t agree with homework because there’s no evidence it has any benefit for primary aged kids…so it’s just pointlessly filling all our time…

Realised that you’re asking for what helps. This is from raising multiple kids all of whom are still at school age but all past year 1 and switched schools so had different teachers/systems.

1. child and adult being neurotypical
2. adult having time to read etc
3. connecting with parents at the beginning of the school year to set expectations. Eg parents evenings, letters home with what they’ll be learning this year eg romans (so we’ll do home activities to help), school newsletters, calendar
4. having a strong PTA to organise events to bring parents into the school eg Christmas/easter/summer fairs
5. having a dedicated school backpack where everything goes and stays.
6. glueing any letters home, spellings, anything into a school notebook and having daily messages if there’s anything relevant eg read with Bob today, learned about glossaries. Then I can reply Bob read aloud and finished his book.
7. having the class parent set up a WhatsApp group for parents, so we can remind each others about spellings, multiplication tests etc if any of us lose the backpack/reading diary! Also helpful for sorting details of one off activities like school trips, world book day etc
8. Giving little prizes like a stamp in their reading diary if the kid reads 3 times per week. This helps us as parents. I’ll only say he’s read aloud if he’s actually read aloud.
9. being friendly. Some parents get a bit scared of teachers which seems to make them defensive. Remember it’s not the child’s fault if the parent isn’t reading to them.
10. having reading days where older kids come and read to the younger kids. It sends the message that cool big kids can read aloud, so the younger kids want to do it too.
11. let them decorate the cover of their reading diary, so it becomes something special to them, and they want to write in it themselves. Eg tonight I read x or tonight I practiced spelling.

Hope you find some gems from this thread that help the parents and children get motivated!

Missing the point, but the need for PE kit for infants suggests that their normal school uniform isn’t comfortable and/or appropriate enough for them to play. Just have a uniform that they can run, jump and climb in.

I understand once they move up to KS3 and some may be starting puberty, and they may be playing actual sports like rugby that there will be more of a need to get changed.

My school abandoned homework years ago, except for year 6 when preparing for SATs. Research shows it adds no value. The younger children do still take reading books home but many of our families have multiple children, have English as an additional language and parents who may not have experienced the English school system themselves, so aren't sure how to support them. We still send spellings as well but gave up wasting school time on tests as these don't work either.

We can't always influence parents but I believe we're doing what we do for the children - offering them opportunities they would likely not have otherwise. Be the best teacher you can be in school, and don't stress over those parents who aren't/ don't know how to / don't want to support their child at home.

I've only ever taught in schools with a significant number of families living in poverty or adverse circumstances, so all your concerns are things I've long dealt with. I still feel teaching is a very worthwhile thing to do, in spite of everything.

It gives a parents a chance to spot things like dyspraxia, dysgraphia, or dyslexia that may get missed by the class teacher if you purposefully sit down with your child and help them with homework.

It has more than just the purpose of consolidation IMO.

No way would I spend time every night doing homework at that age. Never did it and never will. As the kids get older it is different and i am as involved as I need to be meaning mostly being available to help.
I would with them at bedtime (not necessarily school books) and for me that's enough.

Gym kit etc - at that age my kids school asks the kids to come in gym clothes now. Far easier. Then you know straight away who has it and doesn't. As they get older having their gym kit makes sense. But at that age if they bring a gym kit my child will come back with half their own clothes on and stuff missing from the gym bag. Not worth it.

Pencils - the school should provide at that age surely??

This. I always happy to support homework where I can see the benefits in it. Reading, maths, writing - absolutely. That doesn't mean we get it done perfectly every time, sometimes it's really rushed but we at least have a go, and I put note to teacher 'sorry it's messy, all of us were poorly over the weekend'. I think teachers do recognise parents are busy, and won't be too bothered by the occasional missed worksheet, but need to know that parents are trying to work collaboratively with them as best they can, it's about mutual respect. We have brilliant teachers at my daughters school who really go the extra mile, so I would feel bad at not trying to to most most of what they ask, it's a pretty tough job between government rules, rude parents, trying to meet the huge SEN needs, sats etc.

A green rice crispie model of 'how they see themself' - this gets ' sorry, dropped in a puddle' 'dog ate it' (we don't have a dog).

Homework should be something they can do with minimal support, to consolidate something they learnt in class. Not an exercise in whose parent is best with paper mache!

Op when I was a part time teacher I
Had less sympathy for parents since going full time I can feel the difference! Those 2 days at home allow you to get on top of admin, wash clothes, clean etc that I now fit in around everything else. I'm motivated to do homework but it's not easy, I'm exhausted!

I would say I do agree with you about the hands off approach of a lot of parents. They give in for an easy life, don't read because their child doesn't want to. Then they wonder why they aren't doing as well as they could be! My daughter is dyslexic so there's extra work with her but she deserves our efforts to help her.

I check my kids bags but if it’s online, it’s just another blooming tech admin task to add to my enormous list. It’s the last thing i want to do at night. Luckily mine are quite self sufficient but I don’t check their homework or reading for school as a result.

Didn't realise indoor shoes weren't a thing anymore, don't kids wear plimsolls anymore? I had those, back in the dark ages. Makes sense to me, especially as primary school kids sit on the floor.

Enid Blyton has bits which are quite sexist/ableist. I'm definitely not 'woke', but even I was shocked - my DD picked up a Famous five book and a 'magic faraway tree' book she found at my parents and some of it was quite uncomfortable to read, and I wouldn't be keen on her reading much of it.

Whilst I think homework in year 1 is unnecessary beyond a reading book, I am shocked at some of the excuses on this thread and the general ambivalence from many.

We get billed for any that aren't returned. We left one on holiday (I know, shouldn't have taken it) and 1 we lost in the house a year ago and it never turned up, will probably find it when DD's are 18! And we have to pay £5 for each book.

my LOs are 3 and 6 months, I have virtually no capacity for things beyond their basic care. If I had a school age child I don’t think I’d be bothering with homework. I would try to read with them but I don’t agree with homework for little ones. So for me it would be a case of not being bought in and not having capacity. I’d probably be upfront and tell the teacher we wouldn’t be doing though. Re kit I imagine similarly just people with lots of their plates. Sometimes we forget stuff when we take our daughter to nursery (like wellies, jacket, etc) it’s not that we don’t care it’s just being v stretched mentally and sometimes surviving on 3 hrs sleep

I’m gen x
Why did your school ban Enid Blyton. Did something pass me by there

@NewMarmiteJar. No hw at our school either and our PE kit was our knickers and vests so parents didn’t even have to deal with thinking about that then.

Not having homework btw didn’t stop the generation inc myself getting degrees, masters, doctorates etc and my dad could hardly read himself so we didn’t get parents mucking in to help with anything either. Somehow we all managed. ( that’s not to say I don’t think parents shouldn’t, it’s more a case that the need seems to be greater now )

Agree. If you don’t get home till 7pm how can this all be fitted in.
Surely this is understood by teachers, why not give a week to do homework. That’s what our kids school did.

I absolutely agree with the comments here. For example I would never leave trainers and wellies etc at school
Kids would then need two sets and that is just an utterly ridiculous expectation.
I support schools in every way I can but I would be saying a big no to this.

Some expectations are unrealistic and that also includes anything with parental involvement. Sometimes, parents just can’t manage it. That doesn’t mean they lack interest though.

As others have said, reading was always a priority in the household, but homework not so much - especially at 5.

To me, a teacher has the really tough job of teaching an often narrow set of subject matter to 30 small children. I had the benefit of dealing with a very small of children in my home and a curriculum as wide as the world. Why would we be limited to a school worksheet and a spelling list when we could talk, discover and learn about all sorts? Surely this supports school learning better with children who are actively excited about learning?

My son (at 6) had a teacher with two children herself who was an absolute stickler for homework on account of if she could do it, so should we. It was dry, dull and painful.I cant say my son benefitted educationally as a result.

He had another teacher across 3 separate years (village school!), who’d give them a fortnightly menu homework sheet with lots of options to pick and choose from- from spellings to a walk in the woods, crafts, housework and pet care to reading challenges, number problems, finding out about a random place in the world. They needed to achieve a set amount of points. The children and parents loved the flexibility and choice in these and the children actively looked forward to holiday challenges.

This seemed liked a really responsive way of getting families involved with homework.

I wonder what time the parents get back from work
My dh and I didn’t get home till around 7pm ish and then picked our kids up ( 3 including twins ) from nursery ( yes they were still open then for us commuters etc ).
Fitting everything in before bed including reading was almost impossible as they are tired.
We did most reading etc at the weekends….for example

I work 12 hours a day at the moment to make ends meet. So do many people. I’m exhausted. People out here don’t have money to live, it’s fucking stressful and we’re depressed and tired. So when schools want pe kits with trainers to stay at school it’s fucking annoying because where do you think I get the money from to have a pair of trainers lying around at school! Kids feet grow which means I’m having to buy two pairs at least twice a year and one just gets to sit there the majority of the week unused. Don’t even get me started on welly boots! so yes, I forget them sometimes because I’d rather ferry them back and forward and I’m bloody struggling.

An no, you wouldn’t know it if you knew me. You’d think I was affluent.

And what can the schools do? They can’t help me? In fact they make my life harder by expecting me to do homework for children who want to play because they’re children. So they force me into bitch mum who has to force them to do work based on an outdated system designed to help factory owners have more useful child workers.

And schools don’t engage with parents! Teachers barely introduce themselves these days. Timed parents evenings where they boot you out without any depth of answer.

Children at the top held back to fit the tick boxing teachers have to do and children at the bottom left behind because there’s no resources to spend on them. Teachers themselves say they’re cramming lessons into the days at such a pace just to keep up with the curriculum that it’s awful. So why then act like ita the parents fault? Youre complicit in letting the system continue if you do this - if you think you haven’t got enough resources and that the classroom is shit because there are too many kids and no way you can give each one any attention and that kids are falling through the gaps, so much so that you strike about it for your own sakes, why do you think the kids are having any better time of it? But they don’t get to strike do they?

I know it doesn’t sound like it but I actually feel sorry for teachers in primary as most do so much with the kids to try give them fun and do their art projects and all the rest of it and it must be so sad to feel parents don’t appreciate that. I do. But please think about the system you are supporting. Is this really how you would do it? Because this school system is pumping out a bunch of tired, poorly educated, angry, antisocial adults who have a negative relationship with learning. There’s also things accepted in schools like bullying etc that are long since being acceptable in the workplace - so why do our children not get the same rights as us as adults?

And yes, education is important! And yes, kids in countries where it isn’t readily available are desperate for it but that’s because the alternative is often awful - is that the bar we should judge our system on? Or should we say you know what, we could do things more effectively?