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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have kicked MIL out over baby’s name?

238 replies

kritzkreig · 26/02/2025 18:42

Posting here because I need to know if I was totally out of order or if MIL has just lost the plot.

DH and I recently had our beautiful baby girl. We chose a name we both absolutely love – it’s classic, not too common, and has a lovely meaning. MIL has never been my biggest fan, but I thought she’d at least be happy for us. Well, apparently not.

She came over to meet DD for the first time, and within minutes of hearing her name, she started pulling faces. I tried to ignore it, but then she actually laughed and said, “Oh, you’re joking, right? That’s awful.” Then she went on and on about how we should have chosen something more ‘normal’ and how she won’t be telling her friends because she’s ‘too embarrassed.’

I saw red. I told her if she couldn’t be respectful, she could leave. She doubled down, saying she was just being honest and that DD would hate us for giving her a ‘ridiculous’ name. At this point, DH told her she needed to go. She stormed out, and now we’re getting passive-aggressive texts about how we’ve ‘excluded’ her from her granddaughter’s life.

AIBU to have kicked her out? I get that not everyone will love the name, but to actually laugh in our faces and say she’s embarrassed by her own granddaughter’s name? DH is completely on my side, but SIL says we overreacted and should have just ignored her.

Would love to know what the MN jury thinks.

OP posts:
AngelicKaty · 26/02/2025 19:44

kritzkreig · 26/02/2025 19:30

Thank you – that’s exactly how I feel! It’s one thing to have an opinion, but to actually laugh in our faces and say she’s embarrassed?? I just don’t get how someone could be so openly rude about their own grandchild’s name. It’s not even anything outlandish!

DH is still fuming, but now SIL is saying we’ve ‘made things difficult’ and should apologise to smooth things over. I don’t see why we should, though – MIL was the one being horrible!

No, MIL should apologise - she was the one who was rude, not you or your DH (perhaps he could point this out to your SIL). YANBU. I suspect that, given you say she's never been your greatest fan, she would have derided any name you chose.

GoldenLegend · 26/02/2025 19:44

She probably thinks you should have named your DD after her.

Not going to happen, right?!

Kittygolightlyy · 26/02/2025 19:43

Victoria Sponge?

FreddoSwaggins · 26/02/2025 19:43

Is it Lettice, and your surname is Spinner?

Orangesandlemons77 · 26/02/2025 19:42

this reminds me of when DS was born and we chose a slightly unusual name and my mum went and told people he was called his middle name

I got e.g. a card from an aunt saying congratulations on the birth of (middle name) which is how I found out.

I'm NC with her now anyway over other stuff but found this behaviour difficult too.

Sunbeam01 · 26/02/2025 19:41

YANBU.

Do not apologise.

Set your boundaries firm.

Enjoy this precious time xx

Honeyroar · 26/02/2025 19:40

Tell sil she needs to be careful she doesn’t turn into her mother. Fancy sticking up for that appalling behaviour.

Orangeoranges42 · 26/02/2025 19:40

Is it Harper? Or Margot?

(I like both name and becoming more popular but noticing some of mod 60s generation taking time to get used to these.

GravyBoatWars · 26/02/2025 19:39

She was unfathomably rude and telling her to leave was completely fine. Even if the name is questionable or her worries were sincere that is not an acceptable or helpful way to go about it.

But am I the only one puzzling over a grandparent arriving to meet a grandchild (presumably several days later) without already being told the name?

Tiddlywinkly · 26/02/2025 19:39

You absolutely should not be the one to apologise.

I really do want to know the name though. 🙂

valder · 26/02/2025 19:39

I'm only here for the name. I'll check back tomorrow but am guessing we'll still be guessing.

Pebbles16 · 26/02/2025 19:39

kritzkreig · 26/02/2025 19:30

Thank you – that’s exactly how I feel! It’s one thing to have an opinion, but to actually laugh in our faces and say she’s embarrassed?? I just don’t get how someone could be so openly rude about their own grandchild’s name. It’s not even anything outlandish!

DH is still fuming, but now SIL is saying we’ve ‘made things difficult’ and should apologise to smooth things over. I don’t see why we should, though – MIL was the one being horrible!

Ignore your SIL

swimlyn · 26/02/2025 19:38

You DON’T need to know the name. The appalling behaviour is the problem.

MIL is a piece of shit to spoil the moment.

I feel for you OP, I’ve suffered relatives like this. Flowers

Londonismyjam · 26/02/2025 19:38

TommyShelbysRazor · 26/02/2025 18:55

Unless you called the kid Ermintrude, I'd have also told her to fuck off mind her own business. She was rude and unnecessary. She should have kept her unwanted opinions to herself.

(Absolutely marking a place for the name reveal)

I like Ermintrude 😊

Snowmanscarf · 26/02/2025 19:38

so disrespectful of mil, and we’ll down to dh for sticking up for , and not trying to appease his mother, which so many men would have done.

Kittygolightlyy · 26/02/2025 19:36

Ps. Yes love your husbands action too. It’s good to see such positive male behaviour on MN!!

IDoWhateverItTakes · 26/02/2025 19:36

Yes, it sounded like she was rude. But, tbf, without knowing the name, perhaps the 'laugh' and her concern was genuine based on the number of absolutely ridiculous things some people name their children these days.

PandaTime · 26/02/2025 19:36

Your MIL was rude to laugh in your faces about it, but it is worth thinking about her reaction. There are plenty of rude people in this world so it is a bit unkind to give your child a name that you know will cause people to mock her. But obviously that depends on what the name is. Phyllis, Norma, Doris, Maureen are still kind of "old lady" names that haven't come back yet. Mabel is coming back though. It's hard to judge the distant future, but should be able to get an idea of what her school years might be like with the name you have given her.

Coralsunset · 26/02/2025 19:35

kritzkreig · 26/02/2025 19:30

Thank you – that’s exactly how I feel! It’s one thing to have an opinion, but to actually laugh in our faces and say she’s embarrassed?? I just don’t get how someone could be so openly rude about their own grandchild’s name. It’s not even anything outlandish!

DH is still fuming, but now SIL is saying we’ve ‘made things difficult’ and should apologise to smooth things over. I don’t see why we should, though – MIL was the one being horrible!

Ignore SIL.

So, what was the name again?

Arcticrival · 26/02/2025 19:35

YANBU. I also think it's great your husband took your side against his mother.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 26/02/2025 19:34

I mean, I wouldn't be over the moon if one of my kids called their child Princess Fluffybollox, and I might think it was a dreadful mistake, but surely it's THEIR mistake to make? I've heard many names that have made me do a second take, but - it's not my child. If it's a terrible mistake then they will find out in time, people telling them it's a dreadful name won't affect their choice because THEY LIKE IT. So no amount of cat's bum from relatives will make any difference.

And I'm pretty sure OPs DDs name isn't anything awful - whereas her MIL is.

Shetlands · 26/02/2025 19:34

I'm guessing...
Mildred
Edna
Irene
Agatha
Hilda
Joyce
Gertrude
Eunice
Beryl
Mavis
Vera

TomatoSandwiches · 26/02/2025 19:34

SIL is obviously a flying monkey, I'd ignore the both of them and concentrate on your new baby.

LurkyMcLurkinson · 26/02/2025 19:34

If she’s going to behave like that when meeting her grandchild for the first time the best thing to do is to start as you mean to go, show her you have boundaries you won’t allow to be crossed and that basic respect is required from her. With any luck she’ll soon realise she either behaves or she misses out and will apologise. Don’t listen to your sil, I imagine her go to is placating her mother.

DucklingSwimmingInstructress · 26/02/2025 19:33

What's SiL got to do with it? She wasn't there, she's only heard one side and frankly it was so extremely rude of your MiL that there's no reason she doesn't have to take the consequences.

Having said that, it might be best to let the dust settle and then get in contact to try to sort it out. But given that she's been so aggressively unpleasant, it might not get anywhere.