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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have kicked MIL out over baby’s name?

238 replies

kritzkreig · 26/02/2025 18:42

Posting here because I need to know if I was totally out of order or if MIL has just lost the plot.

DH and I recently had our beautiful baby girl. We chose a name we both absolutely love – it’s classic, not too common, and has a lovely meaning. MIL has never been my biggest fan, but I thought she’d at least be happy for us. Well, apparently not.

She came over to meet DD for the first time, and within minutes of hearing her name, she started pulling faces. I tried to ignore it, but then she actually laughed and said, “Oh, you’re joking, right? That’s awful.” Then she went on and on about how we should have chosen something more ‘normal’ and how she won’t be telling her friends because she’s ‘too embarrassed.’

I saw red. I told her if she couldn’t be respectful, she could leave. She doubled down, saying she was just being honest and that DD would hate us for giving her a ‘ridiculous’ name. At this point, DH told her she needed to go. She stormed out, and now we’re getting passive-aggressive texts about how we’ve ‘excluded’ her from her granddaughter’s life.

AIBU to have kicked her out? I get that not everyone will love the name, but to actually laugh in our faces and say she’s embarrassed by her own granddaughter’s name? DH is completely on my side, but SIL says we overreacted and should have just ignored her.

Would love to know what the MN jury thinks.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 26/02/2025 19:55

Let dh take the lead with this one and let him interact with sil (and tell her to do one)

FagsMagsandBags · 26/02/2025 19:55

It's got nothing to do with the name and everything to do with her trying to get on over you. I'm sure she was shocked when your DH stood up for you and your daughter but she clearly hadn't thought it through. I'd love to know the name because I'm nosy but a classic not to common name with a lovely meaning is clearly not the sort of name that anyone with half a brain cell laughs at in someone's face. She's a twat. She needs to sort out her stupidity and nastiness if she wants a place in her granddaughter's life because right now it's clear that your DD is better off without the wicked witch of grandmothers.

latetothefisting · 26/02/2025 19:54

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 26/02/2025 19:34

I mean, I wouldn't be over the moon if one of my kids called their child Princess Fluffybollox, and I might think it was a dreadful mistake, but surely it's THEIR mistake to make? I've heard many names that have made me do a second take, but - it's not my child. If it's a terrible mistake then they will find out in time, people telling them it's a dreadful name won't affect their choice because THEY LIKE IT. So no amount of cat's bum from relatives will make any difference.

And I'm pretty sure OPs DDs name isn't anything awful - whereas her MIL is.

yes, but the 'THEIR mistake' and 'THEY will find out in time' only goes so far when, actually, they the parents won't be affected at all by the terrible name, it will be the poor child who has to go through life saddled with it. So if it IS a truly terrible name I do think there is some obligation on close family or friends to say something, for the sake of the child not the parents. Lots of people like things until they realise everyone else is making fun of or judging them for liking them, then they change their minds (or at least keep schtum about it!)

However that does only apply when it is a truly awful name/the parents aren't aware of another meaning or pronunciation or whatever. If, as sounds in OP's case it's a perfectly normal name that's just not to the MIL's taste, which is rude.

eyeeyeeyeeyeeye · 26/02/2025 19:54

MrTiddlesTheCat · 26/02/2025 19:52

Could be worse OP. My mother reported me to social services over my DD's name. Apparently it was evidence of my poor decision making and my inability to prioritise my DF's best interests.

wtf 🤣 are people really this barmy ?

Original poster
kritzkreig · 26/02/2025 19:54

DwarfPalmetto · 26/02/2025 19:32

Ignore SIL, it's not you who have made things difficult.

That’s what I keep telling DH! SIL keeps going on about how MIL was ‘just shocked’ and didn’t mean any harm, but I don’t see how outright laughing and saying she’s embarrassed is anything but nasty.

I know MIL can be difficult, but I really thought she’d at least pretend to be happy for us. Clearly not! No way am I apologising when she was the one being rude.

OP posts:
IlooklikeNigella · 26/02/2025 19:54

Ugh. My SIL is like this. She grimaced when I said DC's name and said "no I don't think you can do that, it won't go down well" Go down well with who I don't know (or care). I have F all to do with her these days which is blissful.

eyeeyeeyeeyeeye · 26/02/2025 19:54

Not rtft just looking for the name

willproblem · 26/02/2025 19:52

Patience ? Grace ?

Pushmepullu · 26/02/2025 19:52

VWT5 · 26/02/2025 19:48

If it were me…..
Husband to suggest she might like to post about it on Gransnet and ask their “advice” on her situation?
They (we) will shoot her down in flames - and she will get some excellent future grand-parenting advice on how she needs to behave going forwards.

We xpost.

Let’s do that.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 26/02/2025 19:52

Could be worse OP. My mother reported me to social services over my DD's name. Apparently it was evidence of my poor decision making and my inability to prioritise my DF's best interests.

mathanxiety · 26/02/2025 19:52

YANBU, and you should block her.

Hats off to your H.

Porcuporpoise · 26/02/2025 19:52

I'm not saying you're unreasonable because you're not but we had a politer version of this from my mother and mother in law over ds1's name and we just laughed it off. They got over themselves pretty quickly.

I definitely wouldn't apologise but neither would I hold a grudge. Agree to disagree.

AngelicKaty · 26/02/2025 19:51

OP posted that she and her DH "chose a name we both absolutely love – it’s classic, not too common, and has a lovely meaning." It's CLASSIC so why are some people assuming it will be outlandish or bizarre and that must be the reason MIL has been so rude about it? We don't need to know the name (as much as I'd love to but it could be outing) - MIL is just a rude, nasty cow.

Pushmepullu · 26/02/2025 19:50

DO NOT APOLOGISE. If you do this woman will take over.

My nephew gave his son an unusual name about 5 years ago. We all had a good laugh about it, behind the mum and dad’s backs. They are now having the last laugh because it’s becoming quite popular. Point is you are the parents and it’s your choice.
I have an unusual name and yeah, sometimes it was embarrassing because teachers couldn’t pronounce it, but I absolutely love it.

Next point!
I don’t know if we will ever become grandparents. But if we do I sincerely hope we never behave like some of the in laws some of you have to put up with. At a time of great joy some of these awful women are making it about them. Pop over to Gransnet and cop the woman who is devastated that she can’t visit her new grandchild within a few hours of its birth. Makes me realise what wonderful in laws I had. Rant over.

ItGhoul · 26/02/2025 19:49

Whatifitallgoesright · 26/02/2025 18:46

Look, we can't judge you properly without knowing the name. It's pointless without the name. G'wan, g'wan. Tell us.

I also want to know the name, but that’s because I’m nosy, not because it’s relevant to the thread. It doesn’t really matter even if the OP has called her child Ermintrude or Clytemnestra; it would still be fucking rude of the MIL to sneer and slag it off to her son and his partner.

YANBU, OP. Your MIL is rude and unpleasant.

Retirementsoon · 26/02/2025 19:49

Definitely not being bitchy. Although sorry if it seems so.

VWT5 · 26/02/2025 19:48

If it were me…..
Husband to suggest she might like to post about it on Gransnet and ask their “advice” on her situation?
They (we) will shoot her down in flames - and she will get some excellent future grand-parenting advice on how she needs to behave going forwards.

godmum56 · 26/02/2025 19:48

Yanbu and delete the bitchy messages unread.

mommyandmore · 26/02/2025 19:47

We need the name to make an honest call here. She might be being a complete cow but she also might be saving your beautiful baby from a lifetime of living with an awful name

marmiteandcheeseoncrumpetspls · 26/02/2025 19:47

YANBU re MIL (and SIL)
YABU for not sharing the name

Doingmybestbut · 26/02/2025 19:47

You needed to set a boundary and let her know she can’t behave exactly as she wishes around her new grandchild otherwise she would have ended up being a nightmare.

Unless the name is REALLY terrible.

Retirementsoon · 26/02/2025 19:47

until i know the name i cannot take sides.

Marylou2 · 26/02/2025 19:45

Reserving judgement until I've heard the name. Need all the facts.

TheWonderhorse · 26/02/2025 19:45

Your MIL is a twat.

But what is it? Dolly? Sandra?

Retirementsoon · 26/02/2025 19:44

What is the name?