To have kicked MIL out over baby’s name?

I really despise people like that: the type that loves to create drama and wants to make any situation about themselves.

Your MIL was rude and she sounds like a really immature and self-entered individual.

You should be enjoying this happy time with your baby and partner, instead you are having to deal with her nonsense.

I would ignore her until she apologises. if she does not, then I would keep my distance.

I think it would be unusual for someone who is usually reasonable to suddenly behave so rudely. So my guess is either it really is a horrid name and you should reconsider and thank her OR she's used to getting away with extreme rudeness.

If it is not a truly awful name, then I think you were right to kick her out. That way, she learns that she can't push you around. Much better than years of biting your lip while she abuses you.

Also, a close friend of mind named her daughter something really annoying when she was born (basically a really common name but that she wanted to spell very differently from the common spelling and the same as another very common name). All I could think at the time was "oh bless, her daughter will spend her life explaining this to people" and I am super direct - however, I still knew the only correct reply was "what a lovely name" and so that's what I said. That is despite the fact that we are close enough (and I am direct enough) that I told her she should think twice about marrying her now husband (and was then still a bridesmaid). They actually changed their mind later on the name and gave their daughter something much less likely to cause her hassle but I am glad I did nothing but support her original choice - brutal honesty with close friends and family is for cases where they may be making a genuine error but very much not for raining on their parade when they just have a beautiful baby.

And to his sister:

Dear sister, we appreciate you trying to help. Mum is very welcome to come and see her any time. But we have let her know that any rudeness, especially towards our baby’s name or our parenting choices, will be met with a similar reaction. We were not out of line asking her to leave, she was out of line with her behaviour. If she can keep these comments to herself in future then there won’t be any issues. We are not prepared to “just ignore it” when it comes to our child.

It's Karen, isn't it.

Florence is lovely, it was on our (short) list

What a horrible woman she sounds.

Your DH should send something like this: “Dear mum, we are not “excluding you” from your granddaughter’s life. You are very welcome to come and see her any time. But please know that any rudeness, especially towards her name or our parenting choices, will be met with a similar reaction. We were not out of line asking you to leave, you were out of line with your behaviour. If you can keep these comments to yourself in future then there won’t be any issues”

I think it does depend on the name.

There ARE names about that mean that some people will form a negative opinion on the child before they've met them. I'm not saying that's right, I'm saying it does happen.

It might be that your mil is trying to save her dgc before it's too late.

Congratulations on your new baby!

YANBU and ignore SIL.

I do want to know the name though 😂

I've been reading this thread with interest and because, very occasionally, some children have been given ridiculous names (as reported in the media) presumably because the parents have this odd need to be different or extremist. A child's name is with them for life, so it is a good idea to put some effort into minimising the risk of them getting saddled with a name that is going to be like a ball and chain around their ankles as they progress along the road of life. Like it or not people will judge and these things do matter. It does not sound like this is an issue in the OPs case if the name is classic and has a lovely meaning, I cannot understand the MIL's reaction. I can understand not being enthused about a name, we all like different things, but not liking a name isn't a reason to react in a hostile way.

I am also a bit surprised at what some people think might be bad names. Sandra, Edith, Trudy are not names I'd consider bad. One of my former bridge partners was called Sandra and I am friendly with a woman called Trudi.

It really depends on the name.

If you’ve named her something atrocious, you don’t need everyone to pretend otherwise.

my Mum had a step sister Doris it was old fashioned then, in the fifties

Another one here for the name 🤣

But no matter what OP, if it happened how you said, you're not in the wrong.

You're dealing with a narcissist MIL who has deployed her flying monkey (SIL) to do her dirty work.

www.narcissisticabuserehab.com/types-of-flying-monkeys/?amp=1

You're going to have to stand firm together against this campaign.

Block SIL as well as MIL.

She’s the one who should be apologising.

I might not have bothered to kick her out but certainly she is the one in the wrong here and of you choose that as your reaction then you're not being unreasonable. I'd personally have "politely" her that if she wants to have a part in naming a person she can go have another child, but this is your daughter and it is shockingly rude to say something like that.

I'd be telling SIL you've nothing to apologise for and that MIL is the one who needs to apologise.

That she needs to understand that you will not be tolerating rude, unpleasant or controlling behaviour where DD is concerned, so she needs to get used to it now and behave like an adult or she's going to find out exactly what being 'excluded from her GD's life' feels like.

She sounds like someone gearing up to being a persistent bloody nightmare, so I think you've done yourselves a favour stamping on it, hard, right from the start.

When we had son, no.2, I had a card from an Aunt, saying Lovely Surprise, Meg!
so obviously my mum hadn’t mentioned I was expecting despite their weekly catch ups.
Apparently she thought I should not have had another one so soon after the first - these things happen.
My Aunt knew as I had sent a letter and photo. Mums can be weird. (controlling judgemental shrewish, sanctimonious, mean spirited, old fashioned and nasty)

OP enjoy your baby and loyal husband, best wishes to you all

Why does SIL think you should ignore someone being fucking rude to you in your own house? That is batshit. When she sends her next message about how you’ve ‘excluded’ her from her granddaughter’s life. Reply and say she excluded herself by being extremely rude - she is welcome back when she is ready to apologise. She can think what she likes but she can keep her opinion to herself when she is with you.

I hated my name as a kid - you may be surprised that Peggy is not my real name!
Every girl in my years seemed to be called Sharon, Tracey, Debbie or Joanne.
They were the fashionable names.
I was named after my grandmother as well.
I am so glad my mum stuck her neck out and stuck to my name as I grew to love it.
Back in my teens name likes Ivy, Elsie or Ada were the height of hideous. Now they are back. So MIL is reacting from her place in time.
However, she was vile and good for you. Take no notice of SIL.
Stick to your guns. If you give way now she will get over involved, be giving you her way of doing everything, and could be too much when it comes to your DS.
Your home, your baby.
Will Doris ever come back? That’s another poll….

Just drink Irn Bru

"She stormed out, and now we’re getting passive-aggressive texts about how we’ve ‘excluded’ her from her granddaughter’s life."
She excluded herself by behaving as she did.

"SIL is saying we’ve ‘made things difficult’ and should apologise to smooth things over."
SIL is wrong. Her mother is the one who made things difficult, and it is her mother who should apologise. Your MIL needs to learn to take responsibility for her own actions. Consequences.